What Keeps Us Together?
by TriStateCopFan
Summary: A journey for Bobby and Alex as they deal with the turmoil caused by his drinking problem, but Alex has a couple of issues of her own. CHAPTERS 7 & 14 rated M for SEXUAL content. Chapter 26 picks up three years later.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: The usual disclaimers.

The inspiration for this story is a song by Depeche Mode called "A Question of Lust." The song lyrics appear in the body of the story in **_bold Italics_**. It's one of my favs by them: an angsty, emotional tune. Anyone not familiar with it may want to see if you can download it from somewhere on the web and give it a listen. I, personally, love the lyrics, but (IMHO) it's the haunting melody and voice that bring it to life.

_**WHAT KEEPS US TOGETHER?**_

It was early on a Saturday morning. As usual, Bobby had no success in his attempt to sleep the night before. In fact, he hadn't had a decent night's sleep in months. Not since it all began.

He sat on his couch staring blankly at the television that wasn't even on. It was 6:35 a.m. His taxi wasn't due to arrive until 8:00 a.m.

The sun had just risen and cast a warm golden hue over the room, but he needed much more than any light or warmth _the sun_ could offer. He needed her. He always had. Without her, his life –his world—was barren and cold. He actually felt a chill and shudder run down his spine.

Bobby watched, as a million tiny dust particles swirled through the air, dancing in the sun's rays. It was just another reminder of how he had let his life spiral out of control – he no longer even bothered keeping his apartment clean.

He took another gulp from the glass of orange juice – but not before adding another shot of vodka, as if the extra liquor would erase the memories. Sometimes it succeeded in distorting them, but he could never drink enough to eradicate them.

He let his head fall back on the cushion and closed his eyes. His mind drifted back….to three months earlier.

…

It all began innocently enough. A typical Friday night after a long, extra-hard week's work. Bobby and Alex, Logan and Barek, unwinding at Carucci's with a few drinks and friendly rounds of billiards. None of them knew at the time, but whenever Alex and Caroline excused themselves to the ladies' room and Mike went outside to smoke, Bobby would "down" at least two more shots of tequila and a double scotch. He was used to his size and weight giving him an extra edge when it came to holding his liquor, but he was already far past his body's tolerance.

Alex had assured their fellow detectives that she could manage getting Bobby home; it wasn't the first time. It didn't occur to her until much later that the scenario of delivering a drunk Bobby home was becoming far too familiar. She blamed herself for not seeing the warning signs sooner.

Once back at his apartment on that fateful night, the liquor –fueling his years' long lust and yearning for Alex, took over. She thought, at first, he was being playful – he usually was a "happy" drunk – it was just a quick kiss that he tried to steal as she led him through the narrow hall into the bedroom. But the second time he closed in on her, it was more forceful. He used his size and weight to pin her against the wall and his massive hands to hold her face while his mouth hungrily explored hers –too drunk to notice she wasn't reciprocating; too drunk to hear her words of protest, muffled by his mouth over hers.

Then she got afraid. She knew she was no match for his strength. She grabbed his wrists, yanking his hands away from her face and took a step back. The look he saw on her face and in her eyes practically destroyed him: fear for her safety ---fear of him; disbelief; outrage and, perhaps worst of wall, disgust.

She pushed his shoulders as hard as she could, sending his unsteady, drunken body backwards, slamming up against the opposite wall.

She turned and ran, slamming the apartment door as she left, while Bobby numbly slid down the wall, huddling into a weeping ball on the floor.

…

Bobby could barely muster up the courage to report to work on Monday. To say that Alex had given him the 'cold shoulder' would be an understatement – she was ice.

It didn't go unnoticed by Deakins, and certainly not by Logan and Barek. They all asked, once, what was going on between Bobby and Alex. Bobby told them, in no uncertain terms, to mind their own business, _or else_. Alex's response wasn't much different, but at least she was more diplomatic.

Even though weeks…now months had passed, no one made the mistake of asking twice.

They surmised there had been a major falling out of some type, but Goren and Eames continued to work together, on a professional level, solving cases. It just wasn't like it used to be. No more lunches together; no more Friday nights at Carucci's –not for Alex, anyway. She now used Friday nights for errands or visiting her nephew, or any other excuse she could find for not making the foursome.

Unfortunately, Bobby, Logan and Barek continued the three-some and Mike inherited the job of getting Bobby home safely. He was drinking more than ever. Logan tried reasoning with him, but ultimately gave up his preaching and offerings of advice.

Over the weeks and months, Bobby tried to apologize on numerous occasions, either verbally or by some small token or gesture. He would still bring Alex's coffee and danish from time to time, he gave her a chocolate bunny at Easter and, of course, a birthday gift. Bobby's mental state grew even worse when, one Saturday he stopped by the office, snooped in her desk, and discovered the birthday gift still in her draw, unopened, some six weeks later. The sight made his stomach twist into a knot and his heart sink. It was apparent that Alex wanted nothing _from_ him and nothing to do _with_ him.

…

A honking horn outside roused Bobby from his thoughts. He checked the clock on the VCR; it was 7:20 a.m. "Must just be traffic," he figured. It's not time for my cab yet."

He walked to the window and looked out, anyway. He swallowed the rest of his breakfast screwdriver and stared out the window. "Might as well take one last look," he told himself. "I won't be seeing this for a while."

He sank back down into the sofa and returned to his thoughts.

Just this prior Monday, Bobby was informed, _by carbon copy of a memo, no less_, that Alex would be taking a six-week leave from Major Case. She and Olivia Benson had volunteered to go "on loan", bringing their expertise to the Newark Police Department to help them get their new Sex Crimes Unit established and underway.

It was another severe, jolting blow to Bobby. She hadn't even discussed it with him. But he was afraid to confront her about the issue so, instead, for the sake of avoiding another argument, he pretended that it didn't bother him; he even offered his congratulations, adding that the Newark PD was lucky to have her and Olivia.

She didn't respond.

…

Bobby, in fact, was so distraught that he went straight home after work on Monday, planning to drown his sorrows with another bottle of Dewar's.

He didn't bother with a glass. He flopped down on the sofa and drank straight from the bottle. "How could she do this? Not even bother to tell me?"

Then something clicked. A realization, a moment of clarity and self-honesty. Everything that had gone wrong between them was his fault, due, in large part, to his problem with alcohol. Alex was an innocent bystander, as usual, getting sucked into and becoming a victim of the depression and loneliness and craziness that was the drama of Bobby's life.

He knew he was losing her. Losing his partner, his friend…then his career and his mind wouldn't be far behind. The fault was all his. He knew there was only one thing he could do. He was on a downward spiral and needed to hit the brakes before hitting bottom.

So on Monday night, he called her.

Alex: "Hello?"

Bobby: "It's me."

Alex: "Yeah?"

Bobby: "Eames…A-A-Alex." His voice cracked a bit, as he swallowed the lump in his throat.

Alex: "What is it, Goren?"

Bobby: "I need you." His voice quivered –and cracked again. He didn't want her to know he was on the verge of tears. It had taken all of his courage just to get the words out.

Alex: "What's wrong? Have you been drinking?"

Bobby: "No…well…"

Alex: "Uh-huh…I figured…"

Bobby: "Alex, I swear…I took one swig from the bottle and put it down. I-I…. I can't do it anymore, Alex, I can't _be_ like this anymore….I can't _live_ like this anymore."

A long, heavy sigh escaped her lips, but she gave no verbal response.

Bobby: "_Alex_?" She heard his desperation. "_Please_."

Alex: "I'll be there in twenty minutes. And don't you dare have a drink!" She hung up.

…

As promised, twenty minutes later, a knock came on his door. Both anxious and fearful, he answered the door, stepping far back, giving her a wide berth to enter the apartment.

The apartment was too warm. He looked flushed and his forehead and upper lip bore tiny beads of perspiration.

"Thank you for coming," he said softly.

She walked to the living room and took a seat on the sofa.

"So, I was expecting you to flip out about the memo. Personnel _could've_ gone about that in a better way, but, umm, go ahead."

He sat down on the far end of the couch, leaving a good three feet of space between them. He wanted her to feel safe.

"It-it's not about the memo…well, we can talk about that later, but that's not why I asked you here."

She could tell he was nervous. His voice was barely audible – definitely not the booming, confident voice of Bobby Goren that she was used to. He couldn't look at her when he spoke and his fingers nervously scratched at the fabric of the sofa.

"Okay, so why _did_ you ask me here?"

He let out sigh and lowered his head even further.

"I need help." His voice was barely a whisper, partly due to embarrassment, partly due to the huge lump in his throat that he was trying to choke back.

She inched closer, lowering her head to see his face, but he had already lowered _his_ head even more, and was now shielding his face with his hands.

And then, he couldn't keep it bottled up any longer. She watched his shoulders shudder as he broke down. She instantly felt guilty that she had been contributing towards bringing this man -- her partner, her friend -- to this condition.

His quivering words came with gasps, as he rambled and tried to explain everything through the tears.

"It's all my fault…for doing that to you…I don't why I did that to you…being drunk is no excuse…I'm so sorry…I need your help…I know I have to stop drinking…I'm so sorry…I'm so sorry." He was rocking back and forth, overcome with the emotions of regret and fear of losing her.

"I'm so sorry…I'm so ashamed…please…please say you're still my friend…"

Alex could stand the sight no longer. _Her Bobby_, reduced to this. She moved closer and put her arm around shoulders, then soothed him, rubbing his back in small circles.

He turned towards her, still trying to hide his sad brown eyes and tear-stained cheeks.

She took him in her arms and pulled him close, cradling his head against her chest as she stroked his hair.

"Sshhhh, sssshhhh, it's okay baby…it's gonna' be okay," she comforted him.

_**Fragile**_

**Like a baby in your arms**

**Be gentle with me**

_**I'd never willingly**_

_**Do you harm…**_

She rocked him and alternately stroked his hair and placed tender kisses on his head.

"I'm so sorry…I would never have hurt you…you have to know that…I'm so sorry…" he repeated, in rambling, whispered promises.

_**Apologies**_

Are all you seem to get from me… 

When Bobby had calmed down a bit, Alex went to the bathroom and got a facecloth soaked with cool water. It was hot in the apartment; she wanted to make him more comfortable and soothe his stinging eyes.

She returned to the sofa and, once again, pulled him into her embrace, his head resting on her. She took the cool cloth and ran it over his forehead and cheeks eyelids, then down under his chin, to cool his neck. Alex bent her head to one side, to look at Bobby's face. He looked much better…and content. There was the slightest indication of a little smile at the corners of his lips, as he reveled in her ministrations.

_**But just like a child**_

_**You make me smile**_

_**When you care for me**_

_**And you know…**_

He straightened himself, but Alex still stuck close, one arm around his shoulders, for both physical and moral support.

"I know it's all my fault," he restated. "With the drinking…and I let my feelings for you come out…"

Alex interrupted. "You know what they say! When people are drunk, that's when the truth comes out," she tried to joke, to lessen his uneasiness.

"You're not a stupid woman, Alex. You must know that I've wanted you for so long…and I was drunk and confused an…and I wanted you to want me."

She remained silent at the confession, but continued rubbing his back.

Bobby continued. "It hurt me to think that you didn't trust me...to stop…I would've stopped…I'd never hurt you or do anything against your wishes…but now everything is ruined…our five years' worth of friendship and trust…our partnership…the past few months…I felt so helpless just standing by and watching our whole world crumble…"

_**It's a question of lust**_

_**It's a question of trust**_

_**It's a question of not letting**_

What we've built up 

_**Crumble to dust**_

_**It is all of these things and more**_

_**That keep us together…**_

"It hasn't, Bobby," she tried to assure him. "It's been a rough couple of months, but we're strong…_you're_ strong…you can beat this problem."

"But you're going away," he said with a sigh.

"It's just Newark. Besides, it's only for six weeks…it's not for eternity." She mussed his hair. "Besides, each of us is strong enough to work independently of the other. You were strong enough to realize and decide on your own that you needed help."

He nodded.

"Your friends will always be there for you, Bobby, but most of the work you're gonna' have to do on your own."

He nodded in agreement.

She continued, "And this assignment with Olivia…well, it's just something I needed to do on my own, and it's a good opportunity to get out and do something different, but we can talk about that some other time, okay?"

He nodded, again.

"I'm not giving up on our partnership. I'm not letting you go." She took his chin in her dainty fingers and turned his head so she could look him in the eyes. "Didn't I promise you a long time ago that I'd never leave?"

_**Independence**_

_**Is still important for us though –we realize**_

_**It's easy to make**_

_**The stupid mistake**_

_**Of letting go – do you know what I mean?**_

He smiled and exhaled a long, deep sigh of relief.

"But six weeks without you," he shook his head. "I'm only half as good without you by my side. You know how we balance and counter each other…our strong points and our weaknesses…and the way this drinking thing just crept in and took over…almost ruined my life…I would love for us to be together, outside of the office –I'm not gonna' lie… but I have to get myself "right" first…"

My weaknesses 

_**You know each and every one –it frightens me**_

_**But I need to drink**_

_**More than you seem to think**_

_**Before I'm anyone's**_

_**And you know…**_

_**It's a question of lust**_

_**It's a question of trust**_

_**It's a question of not letting**_

What we've built up 

_**Crumble to dust**_

_**It is all of these things and more**_

_**That keep us together.**_

A knock at the door startled Bobby from his memories. He checked the VCR clock again: 7:45.

He walked to the door and looked out the peephole. He smiled.

"Hi!" Alex said, as she walked in and kissed his cheek.

"Hi," he smiled back. "What are you doing here?"

"I just came to say good-bye and see ya' off."

"My ride's supposed to be here at eight."

She took a seat on the sofa but looked towards the hallway where he was standing, noticing the suitcase packed and ready to go.

He looked at the windowsill – where he had left his glass. "Oh no!" he said to himself, as he remembered that the bottle of vodka was on the floor next to the sofa.

He walked to the couch and sat down.

"You nervous?" she asked.

"A little." He admitted. "But I'm more nervous about something else."

"What's that?"

He rubbed his hands over his face and sighed. Then turned to her, to look her in the eye. "How you're gonna' react when I tell you I did it again."

Her shoulders slumped a little, but she tried to manage a reassuring smile. "At least you told me the truth…at least you're not hiding it. That's a start."

"It's gonna' be a long thirty days," he sighed.

"Well, you're allowed to have visitors after two weeks, so I'll come and see ya' then," Alex promised.

He nodded, "Thanks."

"Fair Oaks is supposed to be a pretty good place. Just make sure you listen to your counselors and participate in your groups," she told him. "You'll be out of re-hab in 30 days and be back at work, good as new."

"But you won't be. You'll still be in Newark for two more weeks."

"It'll go by quickly, you'll see."

He appreciated her support and optimism.

They sat silently for a minute, then heard a horn outside – Bobby's car had arrived.

He grabbed his suitcase and locked up the apartment. Alex walked him to the car and, while the driver took his bag and loaded it in the trunk, she gave him a big hug.

He relished the feeling and the scent of her.

"Thanks for everything, Alex," he said, with one last big squeeze.

"You're welcome. You take care of yourself, okay?"

He turned to get into the car, but she held his arm.

"You forgot something," she teased.

"What?"

"My good-bye kiss," she said, smiling up at him.

He stepped towards her with trepidation. She raised her arms and looped them around his neck, pulling him down to her face.

She kissed his lips –gently at first, then deeper. Neither cared that the driver was waiting.

He smiled down at her, "Thanks for that."

She smiled as she watched him get in the back seat, then wave as the car pulled away.

_**Kiss me goodbye**_

_**When I'm on my own**_

But you know that I'd 

_**Rather be home**_

_**It's a question of lust**_

_**It's a question of trust**_

_**It's a question of not letting**_

What we've built up 

_**Crumble to dust**_

_**It is all of these things and more**_

_**That keep us together**_

THE END 


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Okay…I couldn't leave Bobby in rehab limbo. LOL So, for those of you who asked for more, here we go!**

**What Keeps Us Together?**

Chapter Two 

"We're making good progress here, Robert," Dr. Silver said with a smile as he closed the folder on his desk. "But I would like to talk with you about something, though," he added.

Bobby let out a soft chuckle, "I feel like I'm in my boss' office – there's always a 'but' there, too."

"It's just an observation."

Bobby raised his hands, palms up, indicating to the Doctor to go ahead.

"You're kinda' quiet in Group, but you're very candid here, when we're one-on-one. You seem to be very 'in tune' with your feelings – I get the impression you've spent a lot of time analyzing yourself."

"I guess I'm, uh…_introspective_," Bobby answered with a nervous laugh.

"Well," the doctor said, leaning back in his chair, "given your childhood history, as I now know it, you've done well for yourself. Things could have turned out much differently for you if you had made other choices – bad choices."

Bobby relaxed back in his chair, as well, but maintained eye contact with the doctor. "Well, just because my mother is a schizophrenic and my father was an abusive, womanizing, gambling alcoholic who abandoned his wife and children, _doesn't mean_ I didn't know right from wrong." He was smiling at his own sarcasm.

Dr. Silver laughed. "That's a lot of ammunition --you'd have plenty of excuses for your behavior if you wanted to place blame."

Bobby just shook his head 'no'.

"You have a lot of sympathy and empathy for your mother," Dr. Silver stated.

Bobby nodded. "People can't help it if they're ill. It was beyond her control." He shifted in his seat, his voice and head lowered, "My mom was a good mom, 'til she got sick."

"And your father?" the doctor asked, keeping a keen eye on Bobby's reaction.

Bobby let out a long sigh, stretching his long legs out in from of him. "I went through a million emotions where my dad was concerned….love, frustration, anger, hate…"

The doctor reopened the file and jotted down some notes. "And?"

"And…by the time I was fifteen, I realized that all of them took up too much energy and garnered no return…so I settled on apathy. That one seemed to work best."

"You figured that out at fifteen, huh?" the doctor asked, still writing notations in Bobby's file.

Bobby nodded.

"Most people think that love and hate are opposites, but at fifteen, you knew better?"

Bobby just shrugged his shoulders. "Love and hate are both very intense emotions. Apathy, on the other hand, is nothing-ness; therefore, it's '_apathy_' that is the opposite of _both_ love and hate."

"That was very insightful thinking for a young man."

"Well," Bobby said, rubbing his hands over his face. "I don't know about how insightful I was being. I just knew that once I decided that 'apathy' was the way to go…well…it was like giving myself permission to be numb…and then it didn't hurt anymore."

The doctor nodded in appreciation of Bobby's candor.

"So, let me ask you another question."

"Sure," Bobby said.

"If you once used apathy as a coping mechanism to escape your pain, why not use it again? You know…stick with what you know?"

Bobby's eyebrows knitted as he fidgeted in his chair. 'I'm…I'm not sure I follow."

"Well, you said that choosing apathy numbed you against the pain. It worked _then_ – it'd be logical for you to assume it'd work _now_, for whatever pain you're feeling now."

Bobby sat in silence, waiting for more.

Dr. Silver continued, "But for this pain –or whatever it is that's been bothering you – you turned to alcohol. Why do you think you did that?"

Bobby's eyes looked towards the ceiling, as he shrugged his shoulders. "I – I don't know."

"I think you do," Dr. Silver said with a slight grin.

Bobby shook his head from side to side, still denying.

"People often turn to self-destructive behavior as an attention getting device," the doctor stated flatly.

"Yes…I suppose that's true," Bobby admitted.

"But you didn't take that route when you were a kid – when you had every reason and excuse in the world."

The doctor leaned forward in his chair, resting on his desk with arms folded. "Do you want to know what I think, Robert?"

"Sure," Bobby answered half-heartedly, preparing himself to hear some psycho-mumbo-jumbo.

"I think that your drinking is secondary…perhaps even incidental. I think the root of your problem is loneliness," the doctor stated bluntly. "I think your 'bad behavior' was to get the attention of someone –a female probably."

Bobby tried to hide his reaction to the statement – the way his posture stiffened a bit; the way he swallowed, hard. The doctor had scored a direct hit, and though it was only verbal, Bobby felt as if he'd been kicked in the stomach.

"Why do you think that?" he asked.

"Because," Dr. Silver explained, "Your father is deceased, so it's not to get _his_ attention; you're not in contact with your brother and you would _never_ cause such worry to your mother, you care for her too much; so, that leaves me with…a lady."

Dr. Silver checked his watch. "Well, Robert, time's up for today. Tomorrow you have a Group Session with Dr. Ringler, so…..I'll see ya' at 2:00 o'clock on Friday," he said, while scribbling the appointment on his calendar.

Bobby stood, feeling relieved to be getting out of the room. "Am I supposed to have some answer about that for you by Friday?"

The doctor looked up from his desk and smiled, "No….no…it was just some food for thought," he answered.

Bobby nodded and headed for the door, "Thanks, doc." As he grabbed for the handle, the sound of Silver's voice stopped him and he spun back around to face the doctor.

"Sunday's your first visiting day," he smiled. "When I see who shows up, maybe I'll have my answer then."

As soon as Bobby was on the other side of the door, his shoulders slumped as he let out a sigh. "Great," he talked to himself. "Alex is gonna' show up on Sunday…Silver's gonna' know….then I'm gonna' have to talk all about it," he moaned.

He shuffled back towards his room. He wanted a drink.

END Chapt. Two


	3. Chapter 3

**What Keeps Us Together?**

Chapter Three 

On Thursday, after breakfast, Bobby tended to the chores that were expected of each resident. He did his laundry, put clean sheets on his bed and straightened his side of the room. His roommate, Ed, who also happened to be a cop, joined Bobby in the tasks. After lunch, they passed some time by playing cards.

Bobby's group session was scheduled to begin at two o'clock and he waited until the last possible minute to head to the meeting room. Dr. Ringler misinterpreted his small smile when he entered the room and settled into last available chair. "No doc," he thought to himself, "I'm not happy to be here. I'm smiling 'cause I just won twenty bucks with a honey of straight flush."

No, Bobby didn't like Group. He didn't see the point. People sitting around in a circle and spilling out their sob stories and excuses, trying to rationalize how they ended up in their current situations. Sure, some of them _did_ have sad stories; hell, Bobby had one of his own, but he always believed that people, once they reached adulthood, were responsible for their own actions and decisions. Adults have to take responsibility. Adults have to hold themselves accountable –himself included.

Bobby didn't participate in Group because he wasn't much for sharing the personal details of his life or thoughts or feelings, not even with his few close friends, much less than with total strangers. He always considered himself to be somewhat of a loner. And then he recognized the irony of his thoughts: his loneliness is what landed him here.

His mind wandered during Group. Sometimes, he'd find himself playing the role of 'counselor' as he "diagnosed" each resident. Sometimes he'd make wagers, or at least lay odds, as to which ones would be successful in staying sober or clean and which ones would end up back there within a few months' time.

Bobby could sense Dr. Ringler's frustration at his lack of participation.

After another tedious hour had passed, Dr. Ringler announced, "All right, everyone, I'll see you at seven tonight for our workshop."

The group of sixteen chatted noisily as they got up from their chairs and headed for the door; some were going back to their rooms and some outside to the courtyard for some sun and fresh air.

"Robert! Can I see you for a minute."

"Damn," Bobby muttered, cursing the doctor. "Doesn't she know I have a card game to get back to?" Her turned and walked back to Dr. Ringler.

"Yes?"

"Have a seat, Robert."

He sat, releasing a soft sigh.

The doctor lowered her black-framed glasses, until they were almost at the tip of her nose. It reminded Bobby of his sixth grade math teacher.

"I've noticed, Robert, that you haven't really participated during Group. Is there a problem?"

Bobby shook his head in the negative.

"There must be a reason," she pushed.

"I'm not much of a talker, I guess – not to strangers, anyway."

"You're shy?"

"No," he said, almost chuckling. "I'm….uh…._private_."

"I see," the doctor said, mildly annoyed.

"I just don't see the point… everyone sitting around trying to outdo the one before him with his own tale of woe. It doesn't solve anything," Bobby said, shrugging his shoulders.

"It's not about solving…not right away, anyhow. It's about sharing…hearing about others' problems and emotions…so you don't feel like you're the only one whose life is in turmoil…so you don't feel alone."

Bobby decided that the only way to end the conversation and get back to poker with Ed was to appease the doctor by telling her what she wanted to hear. He decided to use some psychology of his own.

He sat, pensively, for a moment, then turned towards the doctor, looking into her brown eyes with his own. "I hadn't thought of it like that." He leaned an inch closer, his voice almost a whisper, "Thank you." His eyes remained fixed on hers, until she grew uncomfortable with his chocolate gaze.

She suddenly straightened in her chair, clearing her throat. "Well, I'm sure you'll do better next time," she said with a nervous smile.

Bobby stood and, again, headed for the door. "Sharing…so you don't feel alone," the doctor's words resonated in his head. "If only it were that easy," he sighed.

…

The workshop on Thursday night wasn't so unbearable. The idea was for roommates to pair up and work with each other, completing, then trading, questionnaires about themselves. It was supposed to promote conversation and trust and help them share feelings.

Bobby and Ed took their conversation in an entirely different direction, ignoring the Doctor's form. They traded Police stories, old Army stories and talked about muscle cars.

Dr. Ringler wandered around the room, visiting each pair to check on their progress, so whenever Bobby and Ed saw her approaching and knew she was within earshot, they'd pretend to be discussing something "deep." Bobby had all he could do not to burst out laughing when Ed, who was more cynical and gruff than Captain Deakins, would come out with comments like, "Thanks for being so understanding and compassionate, Bobby…it really means a lot to me to know I have a new friend."

Dr. Ringler would smile down at the two men – even patting Bobby's shoulder once as she passed by, "Very good, Bobby," she praised, as if rewarding him.

Bobby and Ed kinda' did feel like rats. It wasn't as if they didn't take their rehab seriously, because each of them _did_ feel the benefits of his one-on-one time with Dr. Silver. They simply felt that the time they spent together playing cards, talking or just hanging out like 'normal' guys was just as therapeutic.

…

Friday and Saturday couldn't pass quickly enough for Bobby. He was anxious for Sunday and Alex's visit.

Sunday was a sunny, warm Spring day. Bobby was up early, showered, shaved and dressed in the Kenneth Cole jeans that Alex liked and a light blue denim shirt. He rolled up the sleeves, fully aware of the fact that whenever he did so at work, Alex would sneak admiring glimpses of his sinewy forearms. He splashed on some cologne and headed for breakfast.

After breakfast, Bobby brought a book out to the patio and settled into a chaise lounge. All he could do now was wait for her to arrive.

By 10:30 a.m., the patio and garden areas were filling up with visitors. Wives visiting husbands, parents visiting children, boyfriends and girlfriends exchanging greeting hugs and kisses. Bobby sat staring at the book, fingers absent-mindedly turning the pages, but he hadn't read a word on them. His mind was elsewhere.

Dr. Silver stood by his office window, observing the residents and visitors. Seeing his patients' interaction with their families sometimes provided valuable insight that he could apply during their next session.

He saw Bobby on the lounge chair, alone, and his heart went out to him. The doctor rolled his chair closer to the window to he could continue observing while doing some paperwork. He was anxious to see whom, if anyone would show up for Bobby.

Several minutes later, Dr. Silver looked up from his files and saw Bobby standing, flanked by two men. One was wiry, with shaggy hair and glasses, and a large one, every inch as tall as Bobby, but heavier and more muscle-bound, tattooed, bearded and clad in plenty of denim and leather, despite the warm temperature.

The Doctor smiled, looking at the unlikely trio. "I think I'll take a stroll," he mused. "I've _gotta_' meet those guys."

…

By the time the doctor made is way out to the patio, Bobby and his friends had moved to a small café-style table that had enough chairs to seat everyone.

Dr. Silver approached, interrupting the men's laughter. "I'm sorry to intrude, Robert…"

Bobby's head turned and looked up at the Doctor. "Oh, hi doc!" he said, extending his hand towards the two men sitting opposite him. "These are my friends, Lewis and John."

Lewis, still chuckling, immediately interrupted, jabbing John's beefy arm with his elbow, "Johnny Daaaaawg," he teased, exaggerating John's nickname.

Bobby furrowed his brow and shot a look towards Lewis, but Lewis continued; "Robert," he repeated the doctor, snorting as he laughed.

John stood up and shook the doctor's hand. Lewis followed suit.

"Nice to meet you, gentlemen," Dr. Silver said with a smile.

Bobby figured that the purpose of the doctor's visit was to dig up some information, so he obliged and added, "We've been friends since second grade. We grew up on the same block."

The Doctor rested a hand on Bobby's shoulder. "It's wonderful that you've kept your friendship intact all these years," he said with a smile. "Well, I'll let you get on with your visit – enjoy the day."

Once Dr. Silver walked away, John laughed, "He hadda' come check us out – make sure you were safe."

Bobby laughed, then offered to grab a few Cokes from the vending machine. He and Lewis and John talked for a while, but Lewis couldn't help noticing that Bobby's eyes kept shifting towards the patio doors. Lewis knew he was waiting for someone else to arrive.

"Hey, I almost forgot – I've got a message from Alex," Lewis announced, then lifted his bottle of soda and took a few gulps. Bobby was trying to hide his impatience while waiting for Lewis to continue. He was afraid she wasn't coming.

"She told me to tell you that she'd be getting' here at around one."

Bobby breathed an inward sigh of relief. "Thanks," Bobby said.

'Oh, and she said don't eat lunch – she's bringing ya' something."

Bobby smiled.

"That's why Johnny and I figured we'd come early. We'll split once Alex gets here."

"Yeah," John added, "We're gonna' hit the Meadowlands on the way back and catch the races."

"You got any tips?" Bobby asked.

"Yeah, sixth race. Benny says we can't lose," John smiled.

"Can I get in on it?" Bobby asked with excitement.

Lewis started laughing again, snorting, while he teasingly jabbed at Johnny, "Man, what are you doin' Johnny? He's tryin' to get off the sauce – now you're gonna' get him hooked on gambling!"

Bobby and John laughed. Bobby added, "I've already got a poker game goin' in my room!" He dug into his pocket and gave Johnny a fifty, to place his bet.

…

Dr. Silver smiled. "First time I've seen him laugh," he said to himself, then returned to the paperwork in his lap.

…

"Hey, nice place!" the sweet voice behind Bobby's shoulder exclaimed.

His head swiveled, startled but delighting in the sound of her voice. He shot up out of his chair, almost tipping it over backwards.

"Hi, guys!" Alex said with a smile towards Lewis and John.

"Detective Alex," Lewis grinned.

"Hi Alex," John said.

Both men stood and circled around the table to give her a kiss 'hello.'

…

Dr. Silver had looked up from his paperwork to see the men standing, their size blocking Alex's tiny frame. He watched as they shook Bobby's hand and hugged him good-bye. And as the circle of friends dissolved, the petite, shapely blonde came into plain view.

The doctor smiled. "Now we're getting somewhere," he said, nodding his head. He continued watching.

…

Once Lewis and John were gone, Bobby and Alex 're-greeted' each other. She stood on tiptoe to kiss his cheek, then wrapped him in a hug. He bent down to accommodate her, burying his face in the crook of her neck, breathing in her scent. They stood clutching each other, swaying slightly. It was familiar and comfortable.

They parted, but continued holding hands while she looked at him.

"You look great!" she said – and meant it. "He must be sleeping better," she surmised. "The dark circles under his eyes are gone."

"So do _you_," he said, gazing into her eyes.

She looked him over slowly, appreciating his hair, his eyes, his clean-shaven cheeks, the open collar of his shirt, the forearms…

"What are you lookin' at?" he asked, but already knew. He loved teasing her.

She blushed, but smiled and admitted honestly, "You."

He pulled her into another hug, kissing the top of her head, then close by her ear, and whispered, "Thanks for coming."

The warmth of his breath – just hearing the tone of his voice, sent a shiver down her spine. She could feel the goose bumps on her arms and legs. "I couldn't wait," she replied. "It's been a long two weeks."

Bobby agreed, but inwardly he was thinking, "It's been a long three and half months." He had missed her _so_ sorely during their recent alienation.

He suddenly felt conspicuous, realizing how long they had been standing in their embrace. He took a step back and offered her a seat, holding her chair as she lowered herself into it.

She smiled, "I brought you a present."

"Lewis told me – something to eat."

"Yeah," she said, passing the white deli bag across the table. "Your fav – chicken parm from V&T's."

"Mmmm," he said, removing the sandwich from the bag. "The food here's not so great," he said while unwrapping the paper.

"I thought you looked a little thinner," she teased.

"Lemme' go to the machine and get us some drinks," he said.

She watched as he walked through the patio doors, back to the lounge inside. "Damn, his butt looks good in those jeans," she said to herself.

When he returned, he sat in the chair next to hers, rather than across the table. As he finished unwrapping the sandwich, he discovered it hadn't been cut. "Oh, it's not cut…I'll go to the kitchen and see if I can borrow a knife."

"Don't bother," Alex said. "We'll just take turns taking bites. Besides, I'm sure there's a policy here about giving _knives_ to residents…you know?" she reminded him.

"Oh, yeah, I didn't think of that," he answered, momentarily forgetting where he was and the fragile mental state of some of the residents.

He took a bite, then pushed the sandwich her way, for her turn. "How's Newark going?" he asked.

"Horrendous," she said, while chewing. "Training the staff is going okay, but the computer's all messed up. The tech people are trying to get the new system up and running by tomorrow."

He nodded. For some reason, "small talk" between them didn't feel right. And as if on cue, the next words from Alex's mouth came.

"Bobby," she said, staring into his eyes. "We have a lot to talk about."

He merely nodded.

"I know you've been here, having to go through therapy and counseling sessions and stuff, but I've been doing a lot of thinking on my own – and talking to Olivia."

"What about?" he asked, not really sure if he wanted to know the answer.

Alex sipped her Coke and let out a sigh. "The past…and the past few months…and _us_."

"We, umm, we can go for a walk when we're done eating."

"That'll be nice," she answered.

"I'm allowed to walk around the block," he told her. "We're not allowed to cross the street, though. But it's a big block – there're some nice Victorian houses an…an…and lots of people have gardens. The flowers are pretty."

She smiled at him.

When they were finished eating, Bobby disposed of the trash and held Alex's chair as she stood. "You ready?" he asked.

"Sure, let's go."

They walked across the patio to the garden paths, which led to the front gate. He put his arm around her shoulders. She put her arm across his back, her thumb coming to rest in one of his belt loops, her hand hanging dangerously close to what lied beneath the rear pocket.

…

Dr. Silver had watched their encounter, from the beginning. Their lingering embrace, the gentlemanly way he held her chair, the very familiar-bordering-on-intimate way they shared the sandwich – and now this – beginning their stroll through the garden, as lovers would.

He jotted some notes in Bobby's file and smiled. He needed to find out more –a lot more—about this feminine visitor.

"He certainly doesn't seem lonely now," the doctor thought to himself. And he was happy for Bobby. He genuinely liked his new patient.

As he watched the couple disappear down the winding garden path, he smiled. "Tomorrow's session is going to be _so_ interesting. I can't wait."

END Chapt. Three


	4. Chapter 4

**What Keeps Us Together?**

Chapter Four 

They strolled, silently, enjoying each other's closeness. The gardens were aromatic and colored birds and butterflies fluttered about. Once they reached the sidewalk, Bobby removed his arm from her shoulders, so he could open the heavy wrought-iron gate.

He relished the small step of freedom to the 'outside' world.

Once the gate was closed, he guided her to the inner part of the sidewalk. "A gentleman never lets a lady walk near the curb," he said with chivalry.

Alex smiled up at him. "Thanks."

"For what?" he asked, still holding her elbow.

"For thinking of me as 'lady.' I'm so busy being a cop, even _I_ sometimes forget I'm a woman," she joked.

His slid his hand down her arm, until their hands met and fingers clasped. It made Alex smile.

"It's just an old rule of etiquette; it dates back to 'horse and carriage' days," Bobby explained. "Men walked closest to the street to protect the ladies' clothing from being splattered with mud or water…or from being run over by an out-of-control wagon," he added with a chuckle.

They walked for about half a block before Alex broke the silence. "You're right…these houses are gorgeous!"

Bobby smiled and nodded. He knew that the purpose of their walk was to give them an opportunity to talk; that's what Alex had said, "we have a lot to talk about."

He wished he could stall whatever conversation she wanted to have. He was enjoying just being with her. He was afraid of what she might have to say, although he had no basis for that fear. Her actions, up to this point, had certainly been friendly and caring. It was almost as if things were back to 'normal'.

"No," he corrected himself, when he realized "This is _better_ than 'normal' –_better_ than it used to be." He'd never seen Alex so affectionate…so touchy/feely. He wasn't sure what was going on with her. He only knew he liked it.

He decided to take his chances and take the lead. "So," he said, tightening his grip and shaking her hand a bit, "What do you want to talk about?"

She was quiet for a few seconds, as if processing where she should start. "I guess the first thing I should do is apologize to you," she said, stealing an upward glance at him as they continued to stroll.

He laughed. "No….umm, no…if anything, I should be apologizing to you." He pulled their hands up and pressed his lips against the back of her hand, in a small kiss.

"You already did," she reminded him. "That Monday night you called me over to your place."

Memories of that night swirled through his head. "I'm so grateful you came. I – I wasn't sure you would."

"You see?" she asked, as if proving her point.

He wasn't following her train of thought.

"I apologize for making you feel that way…for ever making you doubt that I'd be there for you…you must've felt so alone. If I would have paid more attention to you…"

"None of this is your fault, Alex. You're here _now_ – that's all that matters."

"But I'm talking about _way_ back…not just since…_that_ night."

He knew which night she was referring to. The night he had forced himself upon her. He felt himself cringe at the memory.

"I'm talking about all the weeks that led up to that night. If I had been a better friend…if I had talked to you and told you that I thought your drinking was getting out of hand…it would never have gotten to that point."

"As if I would've listened to you," he said, dryly, trying to let her off the hook for _any_ responsibility. "That's the problem with us alcoholics," he chuckled, trying to ease her tension. "We don't listen to the people – we have to learn the hard way – hit bottom."

Alex shook her head.

"You know it's true. I'm sure Logan has told you – he tried preaching to me a lot, but I wouldn't listen."

"Well, I still want you to know I'm sorry," she said, meeting his gaze. "I'm not without fault here. I should've been a better friend. I shouldn't have given up on you."

He kissed her hand again. "Thanks."

"Well, that wasn't so bad," Bobby told himself. "Is that all she wanted to talk about? Hmm, didn't _seem_ like 'a lot'."

Alex was enjoying the walk –just being near Bobby. She decided she didn't want to spoil the day by moving on to the next topic –she'd save _that_ for another time. She knew Olivia would be angry that she 'chickened out' but, ultimately, she'd understand –this just didn't feel like the right time. Alex shook the bad thoughts from her mind and leaned her head to the left, resting it for a bit on Bobby's upper arm.

"You getting tired from walking?"

"Uh-uh," she said, shaking her head 'no.'

As they rounded the corner, Bobby pointed ahead with his free hand, "That's my favorite house." It was a huge Victorian house, painted in pale lavender, with the gables and shutters painted purple. The yard was enclosed by a white picket fence, with an arbor over the entrance gate.

Alex looked up at him and grinned.

He chuckled. "I know what you're thinking…but the pastels…pink, blue, lavender, yellow…they're very typical for the style.

The pathway to the front steps was lined with flowers of every size and color of the rainbow.

As Bobby and Alex got closer, they saw an older woman tending to the arbor flowers, trying to clip the blooms that hung too far down and had begun obstructing the pathway.

The gray-haired woman saw the couple approaching and smiled, wiping her forehead with her free hand.

"Let me give you a hand," Bobby said, reaching for the clippers before the woman even had a chance to accept his offer.

The old woman smiled at Alex. "My, you've got yourself a tall one there!"

"Yes, I do," Alex answered with a smile.

"Are you new to the neighborhood?" the woman inquired.

"Temporarily," Bobby said, while he continued clipping.

"Oh, I see," the woman smiled. "You're from The Center," she said, looking at Alex.

"I am," Bobby interjected, as if trying to save Alex the embarrassment. "She's just visiting."

"Oh, that's nice, dear," she said. "I see people strolling by all the time. That's why I try to keep my garden nice…give 'em something pretty to look at."

Bobby smiled and handed the woman her clippers and the fistful of rose blossoms he'd trimmed. "Well, it's certainly appreciated," he said. "I was just telling Alex that this was my favorite house on the block."

The woman smiled. "That's so nice of you to say," she said, handing the bouquet back to Bobby.

He took the flowers and handed them to Alex, then turned back to the woman. "Thank you, that's very nice of you."

"Oh, my!" she exclaimed, holding her hand to her heart. "I hope I haven't insulted you!"

Bobby smiled and shook his head, 'no.'

Alex wasn't following, at all, and Bobby and the old woman saw the confused look on her face, so Bobby explained, "These roses…they're, umm, they're called _'cocktail' roses_," he laughed at the irony.

"You know about flowers, young man?"

Alex smiled, "Bobby knows a little about everything," she said, patting his arm.

"Oh, your name is Robert? That was my husband's name. I loved to call him 'Bobby' but it annoyed him terribly," she chuckled.

"I don't mind it," Bobby said, almost shyly.

"Well, I'll let you two love birds be on your way," she smiled. "Thank you for your help, Bobby."

"Thank you for the flowers," Bobby and Alex said, almost in unison.

They continued their walk.

"Love birds," Alex repeated to herself. "Am I _that_ obvious?"

"Love birds," Bobby repeated to himself. "I hope that old woman is right."

….

Dr. Silver caught a glimpse of Bobby and Alex re-entering the patio. "Flowers…nice touch, Bobby," he laughed to himself.

He watched as they settled on a bench.

"You thirsty?" Bobby asked.

"Yeah, a little. I didn't know it was gonna' be so hot today," Alex answered.

"I'll go get us something to drink…an..and some water for the flowers.

As Bobby headed inside, Alex raised the bouquet to her face and inhaled deeply. The fragrance wasn't overpowering –just pleasant. Bobby had explained that that was a trait of this particular species; the bushes could grow up to eight feet tall and they were commonly used for arbors and trellises because they produced voluminous blooms.

He returned with their drinks and water for the flowers. The time passed by so quickly and Alex hated to leave, but finally announced that she had to be on her way.

Bobby lifted his hand to her face, softly stroking her cheek with two fingers. "I _really_ appreciate your coming. It means a lot to me."

She smiled and took his hand, placing a gentle kiss on his fingertips. "_You_ mean a lot to _me_," she said with sincerity.

When she stood, Bobby did, too, and pulled her into a hug, once again nuzzling her neck. "You drive safely on the way back, okay?"

"I will," she said, turning her head to kiss his cheek. Her mind instantly drifted to how good he smelled; how good his arms felt around her, how she loved the feel of his soft cheek on her lips.

When she felt him dip his head and nuzzle against her, she knew he wanted to kiss –as did she—so she turned her face towards him so he could find her lips –and find them he did, with his own soft, warm, moist lips. His tender kisses prodded her to succumb. Her jaw relaxed and her lips parted to allow his tongue, as he slowly, teasingly entered her mouth, sharing their deepest, most intimate kiss ever.

She didn't want it to end, and at the instant the thought went through her mind, he ended the kiss, almost as if on spite, and stepped back to look at her face. Her head still tilted back, eyes closed, lips still parted. He was so tempted to go back for more but, instead, said, "Good night, Alex."

"G'night," she blurted, once the haziness cleared. "You take care…and I'll see ya' next weekend…probably on Saturday."

She smiled and retreated through the patio doors.

The smile left Bobby's face as, out of the corner of his eye, he saw Dr. Silver retreating from his office window, back to his desk.

"Oh, great," he moaned and headed back inside to his room.

…

On Monday morning, Bobby sat in the waiting room outside Dr. Silver's office. He knew what he was "in for" during today's session and almost dreaded it when the doctor's door swung open and his first patient of the day exited.

"Good morning, Robert! Come in!" the doctor said with a smile, holding the door open for Bobby as he passed by.

"Good morning, doctor," Bobby said.

The doctor settled behind his desk and pulled Bobby's chart from his desk drawer. He looked at Bobby with a smile, as he opened the file and placed it on his desk.

"So, how've you been since we met on Friday?"

"Okay," Bobby nodded.

"I received a memo from Dr. Ringler. She was very impressed by your increased level of participation and cooperation during her workshop the other night."

Bobby felt a twinge of guilt at the deception perpetrated by Ed and himself, but he smiled slightly and answered, "It wasn't too bad. My roommate and I get along pretty well."

"That's good," Silver said.

"So, where were last?" the doctor asked rhetorically as he skimmed the notes in front of him. "Ah, yes…"

Bobby shifted in his seat.

"It seems I 'jumped the gun,' so to speak, last week."

"Jum-jumped the gun?" Bobby asked.

"Yes…yes, about you….being lonely…" the doctor said, still keeping his eyes down reading the file.

"Here it comes," Bobby moaned to himself, "the conversation I've been dreading." He suddenly decided that the best defense is a good offense, so he answered, "Oh, you mean my buddies, Lewis and John? Yeah, they're good guys."

The Doctor laughed. "Well, yes…them _and_ the pretty lady," he said, looking across the desk at Bobby. "Apparently, you're not as lonely as I misdiagnosed," he chuckled.

Bobby stretched his legs in front of him and slouched a bit in the chair. It was gonna' be long session. "Y-you didn't misdiagnose anything," he told the doctor. "You were right."

Dr. Silver leaned back, slightly rocking his chair. "Well, what I had concluded was that you were using your 'bad behavior' to gain the attentions of a lady," he smiled. "But **_that_** lady? I think I'm pretty safe in saying you _have_ her _undivided_ attention." The doctor watched for Bobby's reaction.

"W-well that's just it," Bobby tried to explain, waving his hands in the air, as always. "It- It didn't used to be like…like what you saw yesterday," he said, now rubbing a hand through his hair. "Alex and I weren't _like_ that…th-this is all new."

The doctor smiled, removing the end of the pen from his lips, "Ahhh, so, that **was** her…the infamous 'Alex'."

Bobby fidgeted and rolled his eyes. The doctor had gotten that one over on him.

"So," Silver continued, "You admit to using your bad behavior to gain her attention. Then…well, let's just say things got out of hand _that night_."

Bobby nodded, 'yes'.

"Then," the doctor continued, "she wouldn't speak to you –outside of work—and wouldn't associate with you…for three months, right?"

"Yes," Bobby nodded again.

"And what drew her back?" Silver asked.

"Th-the night I knew…I realized I was close to hitting bottom…and that I couldn't go on like that…I couldn't lose her. So I called an-an-and told her I needed help."

"And she came to you?"

"Yes," Bobby nodded. "Right away."

"Hmmm," Dr. Silver hummed while jotting some notes in the file.

"Hmmm?" Bobby repeated. "That's all you have?"

"That's all I'll say for now," the doctor smiled. "Let's move on."

Bobby rolled his eyes again.

"And what happened when she arrived?"

"I told her I needed help…I apologized…I told her how sorry I was about…what had happened…I told her that I would have _never_ hurt her…"

"And how did she react?"

"Look," Bobby said, crossing his legs and arms.

The body language of closing down…shutting out…didn't escape the doctor's notice.

"This is about me!" Bobby continued. "Why do I have to talk about Alex?"

Dr. Silver smiled. "It's about both of you and you know it. It's about your dynamic together –as partners and friends…if not more."

He gave Bobby a minute to calm down. And only when he saw his arms unfold and Bobby 'open up' again, did he continue.

"So, how did she react?"

"She, ummm, she told me everything would be all right." That was all Bobby would offer. He wasn't in the mood to give the doctor a blow-by-blow description of _everything_ that was said, _or_ tell him about the motherly way she had tended to him.

"Okay… you say you weren't always like…well, what I witnessed between the two of you yesterday. When did that behavior begin and who began it?"

"Um, the Saturday I checked in here," Bobby answered. "She showed up at my apartment in the morning, while I was waiting for my taxi…and umm, when it was time to leave, she said that I had forgotten my kiss good-bye."

"So it was she who initiated?" Silver asked, still taking notes.

"Yes. I, umm, I didn't know what she meant, ya know? What _kind_ of kiss good-bye…so I hesitated…because…well, because the last thing I wanted to do was scare her or make her angry again. Then, umm, she came up to me and pulled me down to kiss her…she kissed me on the lips."

"Hmmm," Silver said again.

Bobby sat upright, rolling his eyes, tilting his head and letting out a sigh. "Again with the 'hmmm'," he said to himself impatiently.

"Do you think Alex would be willing to come back here on Wednesday night?" Dr. Silver asked.

"Wed…why Wednesday?"

"We have a very good 'couples' therapist who conducts a group encounter on Wednesdays," the doctor informed.

"Couples?" Bobby asked.

"Yes," the doctor smiled. "As in two people…a couple."

"I don't know if she would be willing…"

"Why don't you give her a call and ask. I really think it would be beneficial, for you _and_ her," Silver said, handing Bobby the phone.

Bobby dialed Alex's cell number.

"Hello?"

"Hi, it's me." Bobby, all of a sudden, felt conspicuous with Dr. Silver listening in.

"Are you all right?"

"I'm fine…um, I'm here in a session with my doctor and umm, he was wondering…he wanted me to ask you if you could come here on Wednesday night."

"What's Wednesday?"

"It's umm, it's this session that he thinks would help me…help _us_, I mean. It's for couples."

Alex couldn't resist teasing him, "Couples? I didn't know we were a couple."

Bobby could practically see her teasing smirk over the phone. "Look, he means…" Bobby stammered, at a loss for words, so he parroted the doctor's earlier answer to him; "ya' know…two people…a couple."

"Okay…I'll come," she agreed, with a slight laugh. "Do I have to bring anything?"

"Hold on," Bobby said, and asked the doctor, "She wants to know if she has to bring anything."

"Only her honesty," Dr. Silver replied slyly.

"Alex, he said.…"

"I heard him. What time?" she asked, now almost afraid of what she had gotten herself into.

"What time?"

"Seven o'clock – and it's a two hour session."

"Alex?"

"I heard. I'll see ya' then," she said.

"Thanks," Bobby said. "It'll be nice seeing you…ya' know…before Saturday."

"You're _sure_ you're all right?"

"I'm sure," he told her.

They said their good-byes and Bobby handed the receiver back to the doctor.

…

"Well," Dr. Silver said, laying his hands on his desk. "I think that's it for today, Robert."

"That's it?" Bobby asked, somewhat surprised, but relieved.

The doctor leaned back in his chair, "Well, just one more thing," he said with a smile.

"There always _is_," Bobby sighed to himself.

"I know we spoke during our first session about your feelings…how _hard_ it was for you…how _embarrassed_ you felt about admitting that you felt lonely."

Bobby nodded and lowered his head a bit.

"After what I witnessed this weekend, it's obvious that you have friends – people who love you and care about you."

Bobby again nodded his agreement.

"Before our next session on Wednesday morning, I'd like you to give some thought as to why you've seen yourself as 'lonely' for most of your life, okay?"

He nodded again. If there was anything Bobby had, it was time; time to get inside his own head and continue the confusing, winding journey of trying to figure himself out.

Bobby arose from his chair and headed for the door.

"And Robert?" Dr. Silver called.

"Geez, can't I _ever_ make a clean getaway," Bobby moaned to himself, but turned towards the doctor.

"That _other_ problem we talked about…the worry and fear you've been experiencing that your love for Alex is unrequited and you'll make a fool of yourself…"

Bobby ears perked up. His eyebrows raised and he found himself catching his breath in anticipation of the doctor's next words, "Y-yes?" he asked.

"You can cross _that_ one off your list." Dr. Silver smiled and closed his file.

END Chapter Four 


	5. Chapter 5

**What Keeps Us Together?**

Chapter Five Bobby spent Monday night tossing and turning as the doctor's words played over and over in his head, "…you can cross that one off your list." The doctor was sure – so confident in his statement. Why didn't Bobby feel it? Every time he thought about Alex and his feelings for her, all he got was butterflies in his stomach –and a headache. He felt as if he was walking on eggshells whenever he was around her – until she touched him or kissed him. It was only then that he felt calm and happy – that everything was 'right' in his world. She brought contentment to his heart and mind that he'd never known. 

All he could think of was the way Alex looked on Sunday: happy and relaxed; blond hair glistening in the sunlight; her low rise jeans and feminine blouse, emphasizing her curves. How it felt to hold her hand, to hug her and smell her sweet scent. How the touch of her lips to his sent waves of pleasurable sensations throughout his entire body. He pondered long and hard: "Maybe it's worse for me now that I've had a small taste of what being her lover could be like. Now there's no going back to the way we were –not for _me_, anyway. I have to tell her how I feel. I've _got to_ have her."

He grew more and more frustrated at not being able to relax and fall asleep. His brain made him feel like he was a hamster on a wheel –spinning 'round and 'round, but getting nowhere – reaching no destination, no conclusion.

Again, Dr. Silver's words haunted him; "So it was _she_ who initiated it." The words gave Bobby hope. "Yeah, why _would_ Alex kiss me like that if she didn't feel the same way? But if she wanted to kiss me, then why did she push me away that night?" he wondered. "Oh, that's right," he reminded himself. "Because I was fall-down drunk and probably scared the hell out of her," he reminded himself. "No woman wants a guy like that…and Alex…well, she certainly deserves better than that."

Then angry thoughts would oscillate him in the other direction. "Why _didn't_ she accept my apology earlier? She wouldn't even speak to me for three months! …She didn't even open her birthday gift…now all of a sudden she's kissing me…acting like nothing happened!"

Bobby was confused. He finally gave in to his exhaustion, accepting the fact that women, in general, were just something that men were never gonna' be able to figure out.

…

It was ten o'clock Wednesday morning and Bobby was in Dr. Silver's waiting room. After his Group Session on Tuesday, Bobby spent a lot of solitary time considering the doctor's other question – why he felt so lonely? Just knowing the topic of today's session made Bobby uneasy. It wasn't the first time Bobby had considered the question – far from it. As he had told the doctor, he was "introspective." But mulling things over in one's head was different than talking about them with someone. He knew it sounded ridiculous but, to him, coming to terms with something in his own head wasn't as painful as having to verbalize it. Actually having to hear the words come out of his mouth somehow made the hurt of his loneliness more real. 

Dr. Silver entered the office, still a bit flustered from his commute. "Sorry, Robert…the traffic was horrendous on the Parkway this morning."

"That's okay," Bobby said with a smile. "Remember, I'm used to Manhattan traffic."

The doctor smiled and held the office door open for Bobby. "Come right in, let's get started."

Bobby settled in the chair as the doctor unpacked his briefcase and sat behind his desk.

"So, if I remember correctly, today we're going to discuss your feelings of loneliness."

Bobby nodded, "Yeah."

"You've given it some thought over the past couple of days?"

"Past couple of decades is more like it," Bobby joked.

The doctor understood the pain behind the humor and gave Bobby a little smile.

"You know, Robert, the embarrassment you felt during our first session –when you said you felt lonely, that's a very common feeling."

"I know," Bobby replied.

Silver smiled, "How do you know?"

"Because," Bobby started, with a shrug of his shoulders, "…men have a hard time admitting they have feelings like that…it makes 'em feel weak."

Dr. Silver nodded. "It's hard for you to even use the 'first person.' How about giving it a try?"

Bobby sighed. "_I_ have a hard time admitting _I_ feel like that. It makes _me_ feel weak."

"Very good," the doctor said, giving Bobby encouragement. "Was that difficult for you?"

Bobby waved his hand in a "what do you think?" gesture. "You've met Lewis and John. Would _you_ go sayin' somethin' like that to them? …I'd get my ass kicked."

"I get your point," Dr. Silver smiled. "But what about Alex? Someone more…receptive…more tender?"

Bobby shook his head negatively. "Women don't want weak men," he practically scoffed.

"Uh-huh," Silver murmured, as he jotted some notes.

Bobby hated it when the doctor did that.

"And _having feelings_ means that you're weak?" the doctor asked.

Bobby shook his head, 'no.' "No, but _whining_ about them does. A woman doesn't want to hear that stuff…w-w-we're supposed to be strong for them."

"I see," Silver almost whispered, then continued, "When you think about the past three and half months, do you notice anything that might be contradictory to what you just told me? Is there anything to indicate that you might be wrong in your interpretation of the roles of males and females or what women want from men?"

Bobby gave it a moment's thought, then nodded, 'yes.' "The _entire_ past three and a half months prove my point, exactly."

Dr. Silver was almost stunned at Bobby's conclusion but couldn't wait to hear his explanation. It was the total opposite of the answer he was looking for.

"Explain that, please," the doctor asked.

Bobby held his hands out, palms up, as he defended his opinion. "It-it-it's simple. When I was drinking and letting alcohol rule my life, I couldn't control myself --- Alex thought –no, she _knew_ I was weak. She wanted no part of me. Bu-bu-but as soon as I got _strong_ and realized that I had to be man enough to recognize my problem and _do_ something about it – sh-she started come around again. Now she likes me again. Women want strong men!"

Bobby thought he had thoroughly proved his point and convinced the doctor. He sank bank into his chair with a satisfied grin.

Dr. Silver raised his hand to cover the smile that crept across his lips. Then he couldn't hide it any longer. He lowered his hand and chuckled, trying to spit out the words, "No wonder you and Alex are in trouble," he said, shaking his head. "It's a good thing she's coming to the Couples' Encounter tonight."

Bobby leaned forward in his chair, eyebrows raised, looking at the doctor with disbelief. "Wh-what do you mean?"

"Robert," he smiled, "You're one of the most gentle, intelligent, insightful, people I've ever met, but you've got this all wrong…all backwards."

Bobby waited for the doctor to continue.

"Robert, I want to see you tomorrow morning – ooops, sorry, I'm booked in the morning – tomorrow at 3 o'clock." The doctor marked his appointment book. "We'll be able to discuss how your Couples' Encounter went –and for the rest of today, I'd like you to re-think that whole explanation you just gave me. We'll revisit _that_ tomorrow, too, all right?"

"Th-that's it? You're not gonna' tell me why you think I'm wrong?"

"You'll figure it out," he said with a smile. "I'm sure."

Bobby sighed.

"Well, that's it for now. Enjoy the rest of your day and, um, have fun with Alex tonight."

Bobby stood, still looking somewhat dismayed at the doctor's quick dismissal of him. "Th-thanks…have a nice day."

"And Robert!"

"_Damn_, he did it to me _again_," Bobby complained to himself. "Yeah?"

"I already told Alex to bring her honesty with her tonight…make sure you bring yours, too."

Bobby left Dr. Silver's office and headed back to the patio –to a chaise lounge and a cold iced tea. He had some thinking to do.

The doctor picked up his phone and dialed.

"Hi honey," he said with a smile. "You know those questions I asked you to add to your program tonight? I have a couple more…got a pen?"

…

It was 6:50 p.m. and Bobby was pacing the entrance hall of the Center. Alex hadn't arrived yet and he was getting worried. "Did she change her mind?" he wondered. "No…she would've called."

"You been wearin' a path in the carpet?" the sweet voice teased.

He spun around to see her, a relieved smile washed over his face. Even her sarcasm sounded loving to him. They approached each other and embraced, quickly kissing "hello" on the lips.

"Sorry…I thought I'd get here sooner."

"It's okay," he assured her, taking her elbow to escort her. "The meeting room's this way."

…

Alex surveyed the room when they entered. She was expecting a typical conference room, with a long meeting table and chairs. Instead, she found a bright, colorful room, with regular chairs, beanbag chairs and foam mats scattered about the floor.

It was Bobby's natural tendency to head to the back of the room –to hide. Alex knew he didn't like crowds or groups and he certainly didn't want to be front and center. He headed towards some chairs at the rear of the room and it took him a few seconds to realize the Alex wasn't following. When he turned around, he saw her standing at the front, smiling and beckoning him –curling her index finger, as in "come here."

He tilted his head, his raised eyebrows begging "c'mon."

She walked half-way towards him and lowered herself, sitting cross-legged on a big blue mat. She waited for him, smiling.

He walked towards her. "Okay…half way is okay…I can compromise."

…

A pretty brunette began speaking at the front of the room. "Good evening, everyone and welcome. My name is Doctor Barbara Wilson." (She intentionally omitted her hyphenated married name, "Silver"). "I've been a psychiatrist for twenty-two years and concentrate my practice on abuse recovery, family problems and relationships."

"She doesn't look that old," Alex observed.

Bobby just smiled.

"I have index cards here with the names of all the couples in attendance tonight. As I call out your names, I'd like one of you to come to the front of the room and pick up your card. Then write on it how long you've been with your partner and bring it back to your seat. I'm going to give you a little holder to place your card in, which I ask that you display in front of your seats, just to help me keep everyone's' names straight."

"I feel like I'm back in grade school," Alex snipped.

"Okay…alphabetically, Alex and Robert?"

Bobby smiled and nudged Alex's leg, "You go!" he told her.

Alex shot him a death glare and reluctantly got up and walked to the front of the room. "Hi," she said to Dr. Wilson.

"Hi," the doctor replied, handing her the card. "Can you just write on this line how long you've been with…Robert." The doctor looked on as Alex wrote, "5 yrs."

"Thank you," she said, and handed Alex a small metal holder to display the card. She watched Alex return to her seat, to rejoin Bobby. "So, that's the Robert and Alex I'm supposed to keep an eye on," she laughed to herself.

"At least she has crows feet," Alex snipped.

Bobby furrowed his brow, giving Alex an admonishing look that meant, "behave!"

They sat, passing the time with small talk while the doctor called out the other couples' names. When she was finished and everyone had their cards, she addressed the group.

"All right, everyone. The purpose of our session tonight is to help you get to know each other better and promote better communication between yourself and your partner. I'm going to ask a series of questions –they'll be easy at first, just to help you get in the swing of things, but _they will_ get more difficult as the session progresses.

I do have to insist that everyone be honest in answering. Honesty fosters trust and trust –or lack of it—is a major issue between partners where any type of substance abuse has been a problem."

Bobby and Alex looked at each other. It was as if her eyes were warning him "you'd _better be_ truthful with me," and his eyes, in return, were saying, "Anything I might say…_please_ don't hold it against me."

"And to the residents here," Dr. Wilson continued, "I'd just like to remind you: tonight's session is not a _mandatory_ part of your counseling. The person sitting across from you tonight is here by choice, because they love you and care about you. _Please, I can't stress it enough, be honest_."

Bobby reached out for Alex's hand and gave it a small squeeze.

"All right, first question," the doctor began. "What is your partner's favorite color?"

Bobby and Alex answered each other simultaneously, "Blue," and smiled.

"What is your partner's favorite food?"

Again, together, they answered "Italian," and smiled.

"What is the name of your partner's best friend?"

Alex smiled at Bobby –it was a no brainer: "Lewis," she replied, smugly.

She sat waiting for Bobby's reply.

"Wrong. My best friend's name is Alexandra," he answered. "And you have two best friends; Olivia and your sister, Maggie."

Alex felt her heart jump. She stared at Bobby.

"Total honesty, remember?" he whispered.

Alex didn't have time to answer, as Dr. Wilson moved on to the next question.

"If your partner could be any type of dog, what would it be?"

There was chuckling among the group.

Alex looked at Bobby, now doubting herself. "Umm, a German Shepard…a _police_ dog," she said with a smile.

Again, she awaited Bobby's answer.

"Wrong, he said flatly. "_You'd_ be a German Shepard…or a pit bull…nobody would push you around," he whispered again.

There was something in the tone of his voice that she didn't like, but she knew she couldn't hold it against him; that'd be against the rules. She wasn't allowed to penalize him for answering how he honestly felt.

"What _would_ you be, then?" Alex asked, trying to hide the 'bite' in her voice.

Bobby leaned towards her; his brown eyes fixed on hers. "Something small enough to fit on your lap and get pet all night."

She felt her heart leap again. These _definitely_ weren't the answers she was expecting.

"Did you partner have a nickname when growing up?"

Alex answered the obvious, "Bobby," and waited for his answer.

"Lexie," he said with a smile.

Alex's eyebrows raised in surprise, silently asking the question, "_How_ did you know that?"

Bobby knew that look and automatically answered, "Your mom told me a few years ago."

Alex rolled her eyes.

"What is your partner's favorite leisure-time activity?"

Alex laughed. "Too easy – reading."

Bobby laughed, too. "Movies."

"What is your partner's favorite song?"

Bobby and Alex looked at each other. Neither wanted to admit it – it was far too 'sappy,'

"Well?" she asked.

"I don't want to guess," he whispered. "Let's skip this one –she won't know."

"Uh-uh," Alex said, shaking her head, 'no.' Then she continued, teasing him, "You mean there's _something_ you _don't_ know about me?"

He gave her one of his breathy laughs.

"Okay, on the count of three, we'll say it together!" Bobby suggested.

"Okay," Alex nodded. "One…two…three!"

"Colour My World," they each blurted out, then looked at each other with amazement.

"I never knew that," Alex whispered, smiling.

"Me either. It's a beautiful song."

Alex nodded. "But I have another."

"Me too," Bobby said.

"Okay, one…two…three!"

"The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face" they each exclaimed.

Alex, once again amazed, smiled and nodded her head, "Roberta Flack, right?"

Bobby smiled. "We're a couple of saps."

…

"Okay, it's gonna' get a _little bi_t harder now," Dr. Wilson warned.

Alex squeezed Bobby's hand, as if to give him confidence, saying, "We're ready."

"What is your favorite _physical_ characteristic of your partner?"

"That's easy…your eyes," Alex answered quickly. She anxiously awaited Bobby's answer.

He leaned towards her. "_The whole damn package_," he practically seethed.

Alex felt a hot flush wash over her, from head to toe. She knew Bobby would notice the blush on her cheeks any second. "What is he _doing_ to me?" she silently questioned herself.

"Next question," the doctor announced. "What is your favorite _personality trait_ that your partner possesses?"

"Your kindness," Alex answered. She had others, but that was at the top of her list. She again waited for Bobby's answer.

"The amount of patience you've had with me over the years." His eyes were fixed on hers.

"Next, what is the _least_ favorite emotion that your partner has ever displayed or subjected you to?

Alex hesitated a moment but remembered her promise to be honest. She lowered her eyes and gave her one-word answer, "Aggressiveness," she practically mumbled.

Her answer felt like a shot to his gut and his heart. Memories of that night flooded back to the forefront of his mind. He now realized how much she'd been affected by what he'd done.

And Alex knew Bobby well enough to know that the whole scenario _had_ probably just run through his mind –that her answer had jolted him. She didn't press him for his response. She waited, patiently, as irony would have it, for his response.

Her head was still lowered but she could feel the steel gaze of his eyes upon her.

"Being _ignored_ by you…being **_abandoned_**."

Alex knew well Bobby's issues with abandonment.

He watched her shoulders slump…her head still down, unable to bring herself to look him in the eye. He instantly wished he could retract his harsh comment. He inched closer to her. "I'm sorry," he whispered, getting even closer to her ear, "But I promised to answer honestly." He placed a small kiss on her ear, feeling her silky hair on his lips. "You're here **_now_**, that's all that matters to me."

She nuzzled her head against his lips, and whispered, "I'm so sorry."

The doctor's voice interrupted their private exchange. "Next question: What is the nicest…the sweetest display of emotion you're ever witnessed or received from your partner?"

Bobby answered first, this time. He reached out and took both of Alex's hands in his. She finally was able to raise her head and look at him. He dipped his head down, as he always does, to make certain eye contact with her. His voice was soft and humble as he said, "Forgiveness….I hope."

Her shoulders relaxed as she breathed a sigh of relief. The stress between them had been diffused.

Several seconds passed as Alex contemplated her answer.

"I hope you can _think_ of at least _one_," he teased.

Alex gave him a quick smile, then took a deep breath before she answered. "When you let me see your vulnerable side…"

"What, _weakness_? **_That's_** what you like?" he asked, his tone full of disbelief and accusation.

"That's not 'weakness', Bobby," she hissed. "That's being _human_… that Monday night, when you were _finally man enough_ to reach out for help…when you called me and said you needed me…I…I never loved you more than right at that instant. That's why I came over!"

He sat staring at her, wide eyed with amazement. She had it all backwards! But no…wait…Dr. Silver had told him this morning that _he_ had it all backwards. Bobby started thinking back to his morning session…all of a sudden, Silver was making sense…Bobby was on his way to figuring it out.

Alex was actually surprised that he had no further 'comeback' for her, but then she noticed the look on his face. He was remembering something…lost in thought…when the doctor's voice once again interrupted.

"Next one, "Tell your partner a secret…something…it can be _anything_ that they don't already know."

There was murmuring among the group. Some people were giggling, some were stalling, unsure whether they should really confide.

"It can be a good secret," Dr. Wilson continued. "Last week, Peter here found out he was going to be a father; or it can be a secret you've been _afraid_ to tell…something shameful from your past. Remember, _whatever_ it is, just make sure it's the truth."

Bobby was watching Peter and his wife, as the other couples around them congratulated them on their happy news.

"You already _know_ how F'd up I am, Alex…there're no skeletons _left_ in my closet," Bobby said with a laugh as he turned back towards her….just in time to see the tears streaming down her face before she bolted for the door.

END Chapter Five 


	6. Chapter 6

**What Keeps Us Together?**

**Chapter Six** In a split second, Bobby was on his feet and dashing out the door. He couldn't believe how quickly Alex had gotten a sizeable lead. Back in the room, Dr. Wilson addressed the group, "It's all right, everyone. Things like this happen sometimes," she said with a forced smile. "Just…continue with your answers." 

But Dr. Wilson _was_ concerned. She wondered what Robert had confessed to Alex to make her so upset. The doctor was unaware that Bobby _hadn't_ confessed a secret—that it was _her own words_ that had made Alex cry and flee.

…

"Alex!" he yelled, as he followed her down the hall to the main entrance. "Alex! Wait!" he yelled louder. 

She continued down the hall at almost a full jog, drawing the curiosity of passers by, but they were all a blur to her through her teary eyes. Bobby was afraid she would make it to the door…then the parking lot. As she reached the main foyer, his last resort in trying to make her stop was to use psychology – to manipulate her. He felt terrible doing it, but he had no choice.

"Alex!" he yelled louder, "Alex, _please don't leave me_!" The truthful desperation in his voice surprised even him.

Just as Bobby calculated, her reaction was instantaneous. He knew she wouldn't be able to ignore his plea—not after he had just scored a direct hit minutes earlier with his accusation of "abandonment." She slowed, then stopped. From the distance, he could see her shoulders heaving as she gasped for breath. She turned towards the wall and buried her face in her hands, breaking down in violent sobs that shook her petite frame to the core.

Bobby reached her just in time, as her knees began to give out and she sagged towards the floor. He lifted her up and put his arms around her, both for physical support and emotional comfort. She immediately spun towards the safety of his embrace and laid her head over his heart. He clutched her to him with one arm and with his free hand, he stroked her hair, placing little kisses on her head.

"Sshhhh, shhhhh, c'mon over here…let's sit," he softly said as he guided her towards a small, velvet covered bench in the foyer.

She remained turned towards Bobby, even after they sat, unwilling to leave his embrace. He continued petting her hair, kissing her softly.

On the inside, Bobby was bundle of nerves. He wondered what he had said…which one of his answers had upset her so. He was afraid that, perhaps, he _had_ finally exhausted her patience with him.

"I'm sorry, Alex…whatever it is, I'm sorry" he said, trying to comfort her.

She rubbed her head against him, 'no.' He could feel the heat from her face and the wetness of her tears soaking through his shirt. He leaned to the side so he could reach into his pocket and retrieve his handkerchief, then looked down at her face and began dabbing her cheeks until, finally, she moved and took the now-damp cloth from him to wipe her eyes.

"You ready to tell me what's going on?" he tenderly asked, giving her a squeeze.

Alex exhaled deeply; her body shuddered as she tried to muster up the courage to speak. "I've been wanting to tell you"…she gasped for a breath…_Ohhh, Bobby_…" Her voice came in a low, mournful sob…meek with shame.

Her tone scared him. Bobby braced himself, afraid of what she was about to say. He prayed with all his might that she wasn't about to speak the _only_ words he dreaded hearing…anything _else_, he could deal with, but not _those_ words.

…

Bobby happened to glance up, just in time to see Dr. Wilson enter Dr. Silver's office. He wondered if Dr. Wilson was reporting to Dr. Silver about what had happened between him and Alex. He had his answer less than a minute later, when Dr. Silver appeared in his doorway and looked straight at Bobby and Alex sitting on the bench. The doctor walked towards them, his face full of concern.

"Is she all right, Robert," he asked, while placing a hand on Bobby's shoulder.

"Sh-she's very upset…I don't know what it was that I said…she can't tell me…she can't talk yet." Bobby returned his attention to Alex, holding her and pressing her head close to his chest.

The doctor looked around the foyer. He realized it was a very uncomfortable setting with all the residents and visitors passing by.

"Robert, come to my office," he offered. "You'll have privacy there." He watched how gently Bobby was treating his partner.

"Alex…you think you can walk a bit? We're goin' right over there to Dr. Silver's office, okay?"

She nodded and he helped her stand, holding her as they slowly made their way across the hall. Once inside, they settled on the deep leather couch in the waiting area.

Dr. Wilson appeared from Dr. Silver's office and brought Alex a glass of water. Bobby took the glass from her.

"Thank you," he said, then spoke softly to Alex, "Here, take a drink."

Bobby watched as she slowly sipped the cool water. Her eyes and nose were so red from crying; it was heart-wrenching for him to see her like that. As Bobby brushed Alex's hair from her face, he overheard the doctors talking.

"I have to get back to my group, honey. I hope she's all right."

Dr. Silver closed the door and turned to face Bobby and his distraught partner.

But the words hadn't escaped Bobby's notice. In the matter of a few seconds, he had put two and two together. He felt the anger boiling up from inside.

He looked up at Dr. Silver with a look in eyes that the doctor had never before seen. This wasn't the Robert Goren he knew.

"Dr. Wilson," Bobby said, wagging his index finger towards the door, "She's your wife."

"Yes," Dr. Silver admitted.

"You…you put her up this!" Bobby exclaimed. "Now it's all beginning to make sense. You set it up for Alex to be here…that was all orchestrated by you…and those questions…I _thought_ they were all hittin' a little too close to home…they were about things…_feelings_ that you and I had discussed…all _tailored_ just for us….t-t-to what? To get information about Alex and me…behind our backs…without us knowing…or-or what? To push our buttons?…like playin' with our feelings is some kinda' entertainment for ya'? Just what the fuck kind of a doctor _are_ you?" Bobby's voice boomed. He was furious.

The doctor had never seen Bobby so incensed. He knew there was no use in arguing or trying to explain now, in the heat of the moment –it'd get them nowhere. He worried that Bobby's outburst had caused Alex even more stress, but _that_ concern couldn't have been farther off target.

As strange as it would seem to most "outsiders," Alex practically derived comfort from Bobby's tirade. As testament to that, she had stopped crying and was sitting straight up, under her own power, just watching and sipping her water. To her, it was like familiar ground – old times. It was like having _her_ Bobby back in the interrogation room at One PP ripping some guilty slime ball a new one. But best of all, he was sticking up for her –fighting for them, _their _team.

"Robert, you're both very upset. I'm going to leave you alone so you can talk. And I don't want…Alex to make that long drive home tonight –not in that condition. I'm going to leave instructions with the Charge Nurse to get a spare room ready."

Dr. Silver turned to leave, then spun back. "Robert…I'm sorry. We'll talk about this tomorrow." Silver retreated through the door, leaving Bobby and Alex alone.

…

Bobby joined Alex on the couch and put his arm around her shoulders. She leaned into him.

"I'm sorry about that," he said.

"Don't be," she said with a half smile and patted his thigh. "It's nice to see you still have it in you."

"Alex, I –I just want you to tell me…what it was that I said that got you so upset."

She shook her head from side to side. "It wasn't you…"

But he cut her off. "It was that 'abandonment' comment, wasn't it? I should never have said that," he apologized.

She leaned her head on him and reached for his hand. "It wasn't that, Bobby. It was Dr. Wilson…the next question…about confessing a bad secret."

Bobby was taken aback. He never imagined Alex having something to hide –she always appeared so honest…so blunt and straightforward.

"Everybody has something…" he started, but this time she interrupted him.

"I panicked…she was forcing me to do something I didn't want to do…I wasn't ready to do." Alex dabbed at her eyes again.

"You could've said you wanted to skip that question. I wouldn't have forced you to answer," he said.

"I need to," she said with a slight shake of her head. "I don't want to, but I _need_ to."

"Well, I've found that the easiest way is to just blurt it out…once it's out –whatever it is, you'll feel better…and we'll talk about if you want."

She reached up with her hand and caressed his face, placing a little kiss on his cheek. "I have to call 'Liv," she said.

Bobby thought it was a stalling tactic, but he didn't want to pressure her, in her fragile state.

He watched as Alex unclipped her cell phone from her waist and flipped it open to dial.

" 'Liv? No, I'm okay. I'm umm, I'm gonna' stay here tonight. Not yet, but I'm about to. Yeah, I think it's gonna' be a long night. Thanks…umm, if I'm late tomorrow or don't make it in, you know where I am. I will, thanks."

Bobby watched as she hung up the phone. He had surmised from the one-side conversation that Olivia knew Alex's secret –and that scared him. "Does she know just because she's a friend, or does she know 'cause she works with SVU?"

" 'Liv says 'hi!'"

Bobby smiled.

"Bobby?"

"Uh-huh," he said, pulling her close again and kissing her head.

"Do you mind if we go see if that room is ready? I think I'd feel better…"

"No, not at all," he said, helping her to her feet. "We can stop by my room…I'll get ya' a shirt or something to sleep in," he offered.

…

Ed looked up from his reading, surprised to find a woman accompanying Bobby into the room. Visitors weren't allowed in the residents' rooms.

"Eddie, this is Alex," Bobby said.

"Hi, Alex, nice to meet you," Eddie responded.

Alex self-consciously wiped her eyes and tried to straighten out her hair. Bobby was at his dresser, digging through his tee shirts.

"Don't worry about it, honey," Eddie said with a slight laugh. "My wife ends up looking the same way _every time_ she's around me," he joked.

"Whatcha' doin' Bobby?" he asked.

"Alex is spendin' the night," Bobby answered, closing the drawer.

Eddie wasn't sure what to make of it. He wondered if Alex had a drinking problem, too. "Was she being admitted? Or was she really just spending the night? And if that was the case, how'd Bobby swing it – 'cause _I _sure as hell could use a conjugal visit," he thought to himself.

But aloud, all he said was, "The big lug drivin' _you_ to drink, too?"

Bobby and Alex gave him a slight chuckle and headed for the door.

"See ya' tomorrow," Eddie said. "Nice meetin' ya', Alex!"

…

Bobby and Alex walked quietly for a few steps, towards the main desk. The nurse looked up when she saw them approaching and said, smiling, "Mr. Goren? Dr. Silver told me your girlfriend needed a room …right this way, please."

The nurse walked from behind the desk and headed to the stairway, leading Bobby and Alex to the second floor. The three of them walked down the lengthy corridor, which looked more like a hotel hallway than an institution. The nurse stopped at the last door on the right and handed a key to Bobby.

"These are staff quarters," she informed them. "Hopefully, you'll be comfortable, ma'am."

"Thank you," Bobby and Alex responded.

The nurse paused for a second, unsure weather or not to remind Bobby about the Center's rules concerning overnight visitors. She decided against it, remembering how concerned Dr. Silver had seemed about the couple earlier in the evening when he told her to arrange the room for them. She assumed the Doctor knew what he was doing.

"If you need anything, just ring the desk," she told Bobby. "You just press 'intercom' and '1' on the phone inside."

Bobby and Alex thanked the nurse again and entered the room.

She looked around the room, approvingly. "I've stayed in motels worse than this," she joked. She watched Bobby turn the lock on the door.

Bobby chuckled as he walked towards her, placing his hands on her shoulders. "You okay?"

"For now," she said, leaning into him. "The hard part is yet to come," she said, as if having to remind him.

"C'mere," he said, guiding her towards the bed. They sat and he gently held her chin with the tips of his fingers, looking into her eyes. "You don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to."

"I know. Thanks."

"You wanna' get comfortable?" Bobby asked.

"Ahhh, yeah…you mind waiting while I take shower?"

"No, go ahead. I, umm, I brought a couple of tee shirts…I –I didn't know which one would be longer."

"They're all like dresses on me," she laughed.

Bobby smiled.

"I'll try not to be too long," Alex said. "Why don't you get comfortable? I'll be out in ten minutes."

She saw Bobby's face – she knew he wasn't exactly sure what she meant –what he should do.

"Get undressed and get comfy in bed," she clarified for him, matter-of-factly. "I'll be right out."

Bobby wasn't sure, but she seemed certain in her instructions, so he did as he was told. He undressed, down to his boxers, and slipped under the sheet, carefully fluffing up the pillows next to him for Alex.

He laid there, wondering what upsetting, horrible thing she had to reveal to him, but he was now less concerned that it involved him –in a negative way, at least, or else she would never have suggested this sleeping arrangement.

As predicted, about ten minutes later, Alex appeared from the bathroom. Bobby laughed when he saw how his large tee shirt seemed to swallow her up. It hung down, about an inch below her knees. He laughed, too, at her choice. Rather than his dark blue NYPD shirt, she had opted for the yellow tee, with the "Lewis' Auto Body" logo.

She turned her head quickly, heading to the chair in the corner to put down her folded clothes. The sight of Bobby, naked –well, at least shirtless, she supposed – in the bed caused her to flush. "God, he has the sexiest chest," she said to herself. She couldn't wait to crawl in next to him.

And Bobby watched as she placed the clothes down. A neatly folded stack: her slacks, blouse…and on the top, her bra and dainty panties. "That means she has nothing on under that tee shirt," Bobby said to himself. He felt his body's reaction, instantly, at the thought – those sensations that were all too familiar whenever she was near.

"Mind if I turn out the light?" she asked.

"No."

The moonlight illuminated the room. He watched Alex's figure approaching the bed and pulled the sheet back so she could slide in.

She immediately cuddled up to his side, resting her head in the crook of his arm as he held her. Her fingers gently stroked him, lingering on is chest –feeling his muscles, nipples, soft curls of hair.

He kissed the top of her head. "If you keep doing that, we're not gonna' get much talking done," he teasingly warned her, but meant it.

"I'm sorry…it's just that I've…" she cut herself off.

"What?" he asked, kissing her head again.

She exhaled a long sigh before continuing. "It's just that I've…wanted…to be like this…with you…for so long."

It was Bobby's turn to breathe a sigh of relief. There was nothing more perfect that she could've said to him. He turned towards her, slightly, using his free hand to stroke her hair. He kissed her forehead. "I thought that was _my_ dream," he whispered.

"I have so much to tell you that I don't know where to start," she whispered in return.

"You already told me the most _important_ thing," he said, trying to assure her. "Whatever else you have to say…it's not gonna' change the fact that I love you."

He heard her sniffle. She was crying again.

"Can you promise me something, Bobby?"

"Anything…anything you want from me," he answered.

"Just…just let me talk…just let me get it all out and don't say anything 'til I'm done, okay?"

"I promise," he vowed, and kissed her forehead again.

He lay there, holding her, waiting. He knew she was having a hard time finding the courage to get started. Finally, her faltering voice broke the silence.

"Th-the past six months of my life have been….terrible…"

"Th-the past _six _months?" Bobby questioned.

Alex laughed, "I knew you wouldn't be able to do it."

"I'm sorry…I will…it's just that…it's only been three and half months since it all started…that night that I…you know…_did that_ to you…" his voice trailed off.

"No," she shook her head. "For me it started before that…six months ago."

"Okay…go ahead. I promise I won't say anything else."

Alex continued. "Did you ever have one of those…those long stretches in your life when _nothing_ seemed to go right? …just one bad thing after another?"

The room was silent.

She slid her hand down his chest and poked his tummy. "You're allowed to answer when I ask ya' a question, all right?"

He laughed. "I was trying not to break my promise. Um, yeah…I've had stretches like that…like…from birth 'til ten minutes ago when you crawled into bed next to me – but my life's been _perfect_, since," he tried to joke.

She laughed and placed a kiss over his heart. Then her voice turned somber again.

"About six months ago, my sister invited me over for dinner on a Saturday night. You know, I always love going and seeing my nephew."

"Uh-huh."

"But, umm, after dinner…after she put him to bed, she and her husband said they wanted to talk to me. They, umm, they said that they wanted a baby brother or sister for Nathan…they asked me if I would be a surrogate again for them."

Bobby squeezed her closer…then immediately felt a pang of guilt, because he realized that the first thought that came to his mind was that she'd be out on maternity leave again, leaving him. Her voice shook him from his thoughts.

"I could tell right away that they weren't happy with my reaction. I tried to hide it –I told them to give me some time to think about it, but I already knew my answer had to be 'no.'

They thought that I'd be excited, ya' know? Anxious to help them again….you should've seen the look on my sister's face," she sighed.

"Can I talk?" Bobby asked softly.

He felt her head nod against his chest.

"Your sister and brother-in-law must realize the enormity of that…_favor_…the emotional cost to you of that _giving_. They shouldn't have taken for granted that you'd put yourself through that again."

"I pretended to be thinking it over for about a week…until I felt guilty for stringing them along…so I went to their house and told them my answer. They were very disappointed…and upset…and…" She sniffled again, beginning to cry. "Things…escalated…got out of hand and some…some ugly things were said….by both of us."

Bobby just squeezed her again, but remained quiet.

"My parents tried to stay neutral…my mom…she understood both sides…but, they wanna' see their grandchild, ya' know? And…my sister…she doesn't see me so often anymore…never asks me to babysit anymore…" She began to choke on her words and tears. She gasped for air as the floodgate of her tears burst open. "Th-they went away to Michael's parents…on purpose…so, so I couldn't see him on his birthday."

Bobby was becoming enraged on her behalf. "The nerve of them!" he thought. "The _nerve_ of them to use her like that…and hurt her like that… after all she'd sacrificed to give them happiness…they had _no idea_ of the emotional cost to her," he screamed inside his head. "And even _worse_, they didn't _care_!"

He felt the tears welling up in his own eyes, from anger and sadness. Alex trembled in his arms, her face now pressed against his chest as she sobbed uncontrollably, "…my baby's _birthday_…they wouldn't let me see my _baby_…_my baby…"_

Bobby didn't say anything. He just held her close and stroked her, comforting her, letting her cry it all out. He figured it was what she needed to do – what she'd _been_ needing to do for the past two years: to let herself grieve for losing her baby.

He couldn't even begin to imagine the emotional pain she'd been going through…for the past six months…holding it all inside…not confiding in him…and now being estranged from her family.

And the one thing he could _never_ say to her, and never _would_, was "I told you so." But this is the exact scenario that Bobby feared from the beginning. He knew the emotional risk from the beginning, but also knew Alex's loving and giving nature – especially where her family was concerned. He could never imagine how difficult it had been for her to carry a baby for nine months –then go home empty handed. He had guessed what she was feeling soon after she returned to work. Her moods after the birth weren't all due to postpartum depression. It was the worst kind of emptiness.

Bobby's remembered back to the day when Alex had finally told Captain Deakins that she was acting as a surrogate for her sister. He remembered how the Captain approached their desks right after Alex had left his office. He walked over with a smile, saying "So, what do you think of our girl? Acting as a surrogate." Bobby also remembered his lack of a response, as he merely passed a file across the desk to Alex. Bobby never told her that he thought she was making the biggest mistake of her life.

And here he was, dealing with the devastating aftermath that he knew would some day come to fruition.

Alex's violent sobs had subsided, and she sat up, wiping her eyes. "I need some Kleenex," she said, swinging her legs from the bed and heading towards the bathroom. When she returned, she again snuggled next to Bobby and dried her tears from his chest.

"You're gonna' be okay," he said, petting her head.

"I just couldn't go through it again…if I had it to do over…I dunno' …"

"I know….I know," he whispered, stroking her. "It's terribly taxing to walk around with…emotional burdens. I'm glad you told me," he said and kissed her head.

"So, now you know…all those times I said I was going over my sister's to see my…nephew…you know I was lying."

"It's okay."

"Wh-when I told you…that one Monday morning when I got to work that…that bruise on my face was from my nephew flinging his toy fire truck and hitting me…th-that was a lie….I hadn't even _seen_ my nephew."

He looked down at her head resting on his chest and, taking her chin gently in his fingers, he lifted her face to him; the streetlight and moonlight allowing him to look into her eyes. "What are you trying to tell me?"

"Th-that's why I…why I ran…why I got so freaked out and scared that night when you…" she stopped herself.

"A man did that to you?" he asked incredulously.

He felt her chest heave as she gasped for air. He heard her voice quiver. "A few weeks af-after it all happened…the argument with my sister, I mean…when…Olivia finally convinced me to go out one night with her…I told her…I told her I'd be fine getting home alone…"

This wasn't sounding good. Bobby was growing more anxious and nervous with every word. He was praying that Alex wasn't going to tell him…

"…and before I knew it, he had grabbed me and…I was pushed up against a wall…an…and he was so big and strong and…I..I could taste the liquor on his breath and… I kicked him and kicked him and ran away and…ohhhhhh, Bobby…that's why I ran from you that night…it felt like it was happening…"

He rocked her and kissed her head, cursing himself, "Oh my God, what did I do to her?"

"You got away? He didn't…?" He wouldn't let his mouth finish the question –utter the dreaded word.

"No…no…I'm all right…I just came _so close_ though…"

"Thank God," Bobby whispered, kissing her head over and over.

"I'm so sorry I hurt you," she whispered into his chest, kissing him. "I know I was so immature, the way I ignored you and shut you out…to _punish_ you… I know you would've never hurt me that night…"

Bobby fully understood her actions, but spared her the agony of sitting through one of psychological explanations. She _had been_ punishing him, because she hadn't gotten over the trauma of her assault. She _wanted_ to punish her assailant, but didn't know who he was. So, instead, she punished the _other_ big, strong, drunk man who had tried to force himself on her. It was basic transference.

"It's all right…you didn't hurt me…well, okay…a little…but you gave me the wake-up call I desperately needed."

She rose up on one elbow and looked into his eyes. "I _love_ you, Robert Goren."

He caressed her face and lowered his head so their lips could meet. "I love _you_, Alexandra Eames." He kissed her again, deep and passionately, pouring every ounce of his heart and soul into her.

"I want you."

"Did I hear that right?" he asked himself, deliriously lost the enjoyment of their deep kiss.

Seconds later, her felt her hand traveling down his body, her fingers playfully sliding under the waist of his boxers.

"Uh, uh," he shook his head 'no' –their mouths still joined.

"Uh-_huh_," she softly moaned in return, inching her fingers even lower.

He pulled his face away from hers, looking at her with his furrowed brow. "This is _not_ how I pictured it," he said. "_Our first time_…in a **_rehab_** bed!" he asked with disbelief.

She smiled and kissed him.

He looked at her, relieved to see the sadness gone from her eyes, replaced, by a devilish sparkle. She pulled his head down and kissed him again. "It's a **_staff_ **bed," she corrected him.

It was all the encouragement he needed.

END Chapter Six


	7. Chapter 7

**WHAT KEEPS US TOGETHER?**

Chapter Seven Bobby wasn't sure what roused him from his slumber. He was having that dream again; the one where he could smell Alex's clean scent; the one where he'd been kissing her; the one where he could feel the silky softness of her skin pressing against him as they made love. He hated having that dream. It, invariably, left him feeling even more alone, as soon as full consciousness arrived, bringing with it the realization that his arms and his bed were empty. The sexual frustration of it all was secondary – he easily relieved that on his own more times than he cared to remember – but the emotional emptiness – the loneliness – he couldn't cure that on his own. For that, there was only one remedy: Her. And then he realized he was fully awake – aware, and she was still there. He stroked her hair and placed a kiss on her head, then, boldly, his hand ventured over her shoulder; his fingers gently gliding down the length of her spine, then over the curves of hip and buttocks. His heart was so full of love for the sweet, feminine creature that lay serenely draped over his body, that he felt as if it would burst. He had waited for this for so long, and now, she was finally his –body, heart and soul. He hated the thought of disturbing her from the peace her sleep brought, but he couldn't fight the urge – it was like his hand had a mind of its own, as it traveled up and down her torso –gliding, circling, relishing every inch. He tilted his head to one side, so he could see her face. She looked so content. His eyes traveled downward, over the swell of her breasts, accented so perfectly by the moonlight. And before he knew it, his renegade hand was caressing that soft flesh. A brush of his thumb over her nipple caused an instant reaction –and his body had a reaction of its own. He looked at the clock radio next to the bed. "One thirty eight a.m." He smiled and convinced himself, "It's early – we have the whole rest of the night to sleep." Bobby tried to gently remove his arm from under Alex's head. She stirred and sleepily tried to turn on her side, to cozy down into the sheets. Her eyes fluttered open when she realized the reason she couldn't turn – Bobby was, once again, on top of her, supporting himself on his elbows and gazing down at her face. 

As her own level of consciousness increased, she became aware of his hardness pressing against her. She smiled up at him, eyebrows raised, and asked, "_Again_?"

He lowered his head and kissed her. "Mmm-hmmm," he mumbled, his mouth still pressed to hers. "I want you," he whispered, as he kissed her face, down her neck and back up to her ear, whispering again, "I need you."

"What were the _other_ three times? Practice?" she teased him.

He let out a sigh of frustration and sunk down onto her, defeated.

"Awww….C'mere, sweetie," she said, taking his face in her hands. "I was teasing." She placed little kisses on his nose and lips. "Of course I want you…again."

She kissed him deeply, passionately, parting her thighs to accommodate him. Her warmth and wetness from their previous unions easily welcomed his manhood into her, deeply. "I love you, Bobby," she breathlessly whispered as their mouths met again.

"I love you, Alex…I love you….I love you."

…

Thereafter, they peacefully slept the night away in each other's arms.

Once morning came, they lazed away an hour just holding each other and talking. Bobby wanted to make sure that Alex was all right, emotionally, after her confessions of the prior evening. They talked about her situation with her sister and Bobby promised that he would help her try to repair the rift between them.

They showered together and made love, again, under the pulsating hot water, then went down to the dining room for breakfast.

Alex felt conspicuous wearing the prior day's clothes and when they sat down at the table to join Bobby's roommate, Ed, she was grateful that he was tactful enough to merely smile and bid them 'good morning.'

Bobby wanted Alex to stay and spend more time with him, but she convinced him that she _should_ report to work; that it wasn't fair to leave 'Liv stuck shouldering the burden by herself.

He walked her to the SUV, hugging and kissing her good-bye.

"I'll be back on Saturday," she smiled and patted his cheek. "Then you'll only have one more week to go, before you can come home."

"Thanks, Alex…for everything."

"You're 'thanking' me for my services?" she said with a laugh.

He tilted his head, giving her a scolding look.

"I'm _teasing_," she told him, as she climbed into the truck.

"Be careful driving, okay?" Bobby said, closing the door for her. "Buckle up."

"I will," she assured. "And Bobby?"

"Uh-huh?"

"When you see Dr. Silver today…"

He cut her off, abruptly, "_Oh, don't worry_…I'm supposed to see him at three o'clock and I'm gonna' let him _have it_…"

"No! No, that's not what I was gonna' say," she said, trying to calm him down. "Tell him I said 'thanks'."

"Thanks! You can't be serious!" Bobby exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air.

"Listen…calm down," she warned.

"I'm –I'm calm."

"Good. Now just listen," she told him.

Bobby stood with his arms crossed, shifting his weight from one leg to the other, impatiently awaiting her explanation.

"He's been good for you Bobby…he's helped you, a lot, so far. I can tell –I see the change in you."

Bobby looked at her, paying closer attention. "Go on."

"However he knew…I don't know…he and his wife helped me, too…helped _us_."

Bobby frowned, still not convinced.

"Helped us _how_? By conspiring? Manipulating? Making a game outta' pushing our buttons!"

"Oh, get off your high horse!" she scolded him. "You make a living out of doing that practically every day!" She smiled. "You're just pissed off you were on the receiving end this time." She turned the ignition.

"You're serious? 'Thank' him?" Bobby asked, double-checking with her.

She nodded, smiling, and threw the truck into 'reverse.' "I love you," she said with a huge smile and blew him a kiss.

Bobby watched the black truck driving from the parking lot. He laced his fingers and laid his hands on top of his head, letting out a sigh of bewilderment. He was no closer to understanding women – especially Alexandra Eames.

END Chapter Seven


	8. Chapter 8

**WHAT KEEPS US TOGETHER?**

**Chapter Eight**

Bobby sat in Dr. Silver's waiting room waiting for his 3:00 o'clock appointment. Alex had him perplexed when she left earlier that morning and Bobby had spent a good portion of the day thinking about what she'd said, still not convinced that the doctor deserved any 'thanks.' He began feeling apprehensive about how today's session would go.

The door to the doctor's office swung open and a woman exited, still sobbing and dabbing her eyes with a tissue.

"Hmm, looks like _her_ appointment didn't go too well," Bobby thought to himself, as Dr. Silver appeared in the doorway.

"Robert, come right in," the doctor said with a guarded smile.

Bobby walked through the doorway and took his usual seat, as Dr. Silver settled in behind his desk.

"So, Robert," he began, "Before we get started on the agenda we had _planned_ for today -- that would be, discussing your revisited thoughts on strengths and weaknesses in male/female roles and, umm, your Couples' Encounter session of last night, let me ask you, how is your friend, Alex?"

Bobby licked his lips and nodded his head slightly, "She's all right…she, umm, she slept well…an…and she felt a lot better this morning."

"That's good," the doctor nodded. "My wife was concerned."

Dr. Silver opened Bobby's file and reviewed his notes for a moment. "Confession is good for the soul, don't you think, Robert?"

"Well, in my line of work, 'confessions' usually lead to time in prison," Bobby said.

The doctor smiled, "Well, _your_ work aside, in _my_ line, confession usually brings _freedom_ – relief from emotional burdens; an opportunity to start anew, with a clean slate."

"I agree," Bobby stated in concurrence, although he didn't really know where the doctor was going with his line of questioning.

The doctor laid his glasses on his desk and leaned back in this chair. "You weren't in your room when I stopped by this morning to check in on you. I'm going to overlook your infraction of the rules, Robert, since it was my wife and I who thrust you two together. I was fairly certain about what the outcome would be."

Bobby felt a twinge of self-consciousness and hoped his cheeks weren't blushing. "Um, Al—Alex said I should tell you 'thank you' …from her."

The doctor smiled. "And how do you feel, Robert? You were quite upset last evening."

"I'm –I'm sorry about that, I --- but you two _did_ orchestrate the whole thing and manipulate us," Bobby said.

The doctor merely smiled and asked, "So, how did you like the Couples' Encounter? Did you learn anything about each other?"

"Yes," Bobby nodded. "I figured out what you wanted me to –about our roles, ya' know…with each other."

"What was the most enlightening thing she told you during the session?" The doctor asked, readying his pen to write in Bobby's file.

Bobby thought back to the prior evening. "Umm, she umm, she said that she liked it when I showed her my vulnerable side."

"And that's when you began to figure it out?" Dr. Silver smiled.

Bobby nodded. "At first, I accused her of liking to see me weak --- but then I remembered, you said I had it all backwards and, and it started to make sense."

"Okay, we'll get back to that some other time," Dr. Silver said. "Right now, I want to ask you, do you think Alex needs professional counseling?"

"Alex?" Bobby exclaimed. "For what?

Dr. Silver looked at Bobby seriously. "There's no delicate way to phrase this, Robert. Was she recently the victim of a sexual assault?"

Bobby couldn't hide his look of surprise. "How the hell…?" he asked himself.

The doctor read Bobby's face easily. He knew his guess was on target. "When did it happen?"

"Umm," Bobby rubbed his hand through his hair. "About four and half…five months ago…. How did you…?"

"We've spent _hours_, Robert, talking about you and your relationship with your partner. Everything you had told me about her – the way you described her everyday personality – contradicted her actions of fleeing from you that night –and even more importantly, for her avoidance of you for the following three months."

Bobby nodded. He understood what the doctor was saying. Bobby had, himself, 'diagnosed' Alex's transference.

"So when you…got aggressive with her that night…it triggered the memory."

"Yes," Bobby nodded. "She said her attacker was big and strong…and smelled like liquor. But he didn't….ya' know…she kicked him and got away."

"Thank God for that," Dr. Silver said. "So, back to the other topic. Now you understand why she didn't like the display of physical strength and aggressiveness from you – she sees **that** as weakness – a man who can't control himself."

Bobby nodded.

Dr. Silver chuckled. "Obviously, we both now know that she really has no objection to kissing you."

Bobby smiled, sheepishly.

"For her," Dr. Silver continued, "_Strength_ is what it takes for a person to admit he has a problem and reach out for help….and, once you told her the magic words that every woman needs to hear from the man she loves…well, that was all she needed."

Bobby looked at the doctor. He wasn't following again.

"When you called her that Monday night and asked for her help. You said, "I need you," didn't you?"

"I think so, yes," Bobby murmured.

"Every woman needs to feel needed by her partner," the doctor said with a little smile. "I think she already knew you needed her on a _professional_ level –as partners at work, but she was longing to hear it on a personal level."

"She knows I need her," Bobby agreed.

"When she came to you that night, what was her demeanor?" Dr. Silver asked, still making notes.

Bobby thought back for a moment; the corners of his mouth turned up in a little smile. He was remembering the way she had held him close to her heart, soothing him with her tender, reassuring words, petting his hair and placing gentle kisses on his head…washing his face with the cool cloth. "She was…amazing… comforting, loving, tender…"

"_Mothering_?" Silver asked.

"Um…I don't…" Bobby started, shrugging his shoulders.

"Do you think she likes mothering you because she knows about your past? All the mothering you missed out on because of your own mother's illness…she feels sorry for you and wants to make it up to you?"

"I never thought of that," Bobby said with a slight scowl, "And I don't want Alex or anyone feeling sorry for me."

"_Or_, do you think she likes mothering because _she needs to mother_…she has those natural instincts and they're unfulfilled?"

Bobby considered the doctor's questions. If he were going to be totally honest with himself, he'd have to admit that both were valid explanations.

"I suppose there's truth to both," Bobby grudgingly answered.

"Does Alex have any children? …From a prior marriage, or out of wedlock?"

"I don't want to talk about Alex anymore," Bobby flatly answered.

"Okay," the doctor backed off. "For right now, we don't have to. I just want to make sure you realize, Robert, that since Alex is such a big part of your life – I mean, obviously, you're in love with each other and are planning to have a future together, right?"

Bobby nodded.

"Anything that affects her life…her emotions, is gonna' affect you, too."

Bobby nodded again.

"Well, the more issues we address and try to take care of while you're here, the better off you'll be once you're back home," Dr. Silver said, eyebrows raised, silently asking for Bobby's consent to continue.

Bobby fidgeted in the chair and rubbed his left hand over his lips and the whiskers on his chin. "Look," he began, "I'm not at liberty to divulge Alex's private affairs or feelings. It would hurt her if she knew I discussed…_things_ about her. If she wants to talk about them, that's up to her, but I can't…I woo—won't."

"Fair enough," Dr. Silver said. He handed Bobby the phone.

Bobby looked at the doctor, "What, you want me to call her?"

"She'll be back to visit this weekend, won't she? We'll schedule a session then. Dial."

Bobby sighed…and dialed.

"Hi, it's me."

"Hi you," she said. "What's up? …and you'd better not tell me you're in trouble again…did you yell at that doctor?"

Bobby smiled, "No, I didn't yell at the doctor," he answered, his eyes meeting Silver's.

"So, you're okay?

"Yeah, I'm okay. Umm, listen, Alex…I'm here with the doctor and he wants to know if you're coming this weekend…would you sit in on a session with us?"

"I told you I was comin' on Saturday. If he thinks it would help you, then of course."

"Umm, Alex…the session is kinda' for both of us…not just me." He listened to the silence on the line as she rethought her answer.

"Did you tell the doctor anything about me, Bobby?"

"No," he answered, then lowered his voice, "Well, just that you were amazing…and loving…and tender."

He heard her soft chuckle and could imagine her smile.

"This is one-on-one, right? He's not gonna' throw me in the middle of room again so I can humiliate myself?" she laughed.

"No, nothing like that again…one-on-one," Bobby assured.

"Okay," Alex agreed, "What time?"

Bobby asked Dr. Silver, "What time should she be here?"

"Earlier the better," the doctor answered.

"I heard…I'll be there at nine."

"Nine o'clock," Bobby repeated and looked to the doctor for his 'okay.'

"Thanks, Alex."

"You're welcome…and thanks for last night, too," she said slyly.

"You're welcome," it was Bobby turn.

"And thanks for this morning…nicest shower I've had in a while," she playfully cooed, purposely teasing him, knowing he was in Dr. Silver's presence.

"You're welcome," Bobby tried to answer matter-of-factly.

"I love you," she said, testing him to see if he'd answer in kind.

"I love you, too," Bobby said proudly. "See ya' Saturday."

Dr. Silver was smiling at Bobby, as he hung up the phone. "Very good," he said, as he jotted the appointment in his book.

"Well, that's if for today, Robert," the doctor smiled.

"Umm," Bobby hesitated, "I jus—I just wanted to apologize for the way I yelled at you last night," he said softly, hanging his head down a bit.

"It's quite all right, Robert. I deal with a lot of upset people…it's part of the job."

Bobby nodded, "Well, I appreciate your understanding." He paused for a few seconds, then added, "Alex said you've been good to me…good _for_ me…she said she can see a change."

Dr. Silver smiled at Bobby.

"I wasn't really sure what she meant by it…but it didn't matter, as long as it pleased her. Do _you_ see a change, Doctor?" Bobby asked, hopefully.

"That's not important, Robert," the doctor chuckled. "The important question is: _do you_?"

Bobby let out a sigh of frustration. _He_ was the one who was used to turning things around on people.

"Why don't you think about it, Robert, and we'll see what you come up with….say, tomorrow at two?"

Bobby nodded, "Two o'clock," he agreed and headed for the door.

"Robert!" Dr. Silver called, once again delaying his exit.

Bobby turned and looked at Silver.

"I hope it was everything you dreamed it would be," the doctor said.

Bobby was certain his cheeks were blushing. He didn't answer – he just gave the doctor a small nod and smile. He couldn't get out of there soon enough.

END Chapter Eight


	9. Chapter 9

**WHAT KEEPS US TOGETHER?**

**Chapter Nine**

…Nine Days Later…

Bobby was sitting on the patio, thumbing through the newspaper and counting the minutes until Alex arrived.

"Your ride's here," Dr. Silver said, laying a hand on his shoulder and smiling as Alex approached.

Bobby tossed the paper on the table and stood, spinning around to watch Alex approach through the patio's French doors. She was radiant, wearing a white denim skirt, an aqua tank top, sandals... and the biggest smile Bobby had ever seen.

"Hi Doctor Silver!" she said, then immediately stepped towards Bobby, giving him a hug and kiss 'hello.'

She stood with one arm around his waist, while the other hand patted his stomach. "You ready to go home?" she asked, smiling up at him.

"I'm ready," he answered and bent to kiss the top of her head.

"Let's go to my office for a minute…then you'll be on your way," Dr. Silver smiled.

….

The doctor handed Bobby a thick manila envelope. "Here you go, Robert. There's some reading material you should take a look at once you're home, and a list of the AA meeting groups in your area."

Bobby took the envelope. "Thanks."

"Your sponsor's name is Jack Martinez; he lives in mid-town – his contact info is in there. Give him a call on Monday, okay?"

Bobby nodded.

Dr. Silver stood and circled his desk. "Robert, it's been a pleasure getting to know you…and Alex," he added, with a smiling glance towards her.

Bobby and Alex stood. Dr. Silver extended his arm to shake Bobby's hand, then pulled him into a hug, patting his back.

"I think you're one of my success stories, Robert…you're gonna' be just fine."

"Thanks, doc – thanks for everything," Bobby said.

He led them to the door, then walked alongside the happy couple as they went back to Bobby's room to get his suitcase.

"If you ever need to talk, Robert – if there's something that Jack can't help you with, or something you don't feel comfortable discussing with him, then you give me a call – any time."

"Thanks, Doc, I will."

…

Bobby and Alex walked out of Fair Oaks towards the parking lot, arm in arm.

"You mind if I drive?" Bobby asked.

Alex looked up at him, "If you promise not to get us killed," she joked.

Bobby laughed. "I promise… I just wanna' do something that feels… _normal_, ya' know."

She nodded and handed him the keys.

Once on the road, Alex couldn't help looking at Bobby. He looked so good – rested, relaxed, and he had good color, thanks to all the time he spent on the patio. She looked at his rolled up sleeves and his sexy hand and forearm as it hung from the steering wheel.

She changed the station on the radio, but kept the volume low. "You look happy."

He glanced at her and smiled, "I am."

Then she saw his brow furrow.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"Nothing," he answered with a chuckle. "I was just thinking about all the housework I'm gonna' have to do when I get home –the place was a wreck when I left."

"What d'ya think I've been doing for the past month?" she asked sarcastically.

He looked at her and smiled, "Are you serious? You cleaned my apartment?"

"Well, it didn't _really_ take a month…I went over there a couple of times…and I stocked your fridge yesterday," she smiled.

He reached across the seat for her hand and brought it to his lips to kiss. "Thanks, Alex…you didn't have to…"

"I know…I know…but I _wanted_ to."

"Well, geez…_now_ what am I gonna' do when I get home?" he pretended to complain.

"You'll have the rest of today and tomorrow to rest, then back to work on Monday," she said, rubbing it in.

His brow furrowed again. "How d'ya think that'll go?" he asked, showing a bit of concern.

"You'll be fine," she said with encouragement. "Nobody knows anything, except for The Captain and Logan and Barek."

Bobby nodded.

"Well, and whoever in Personnel that had to handle the insurance papers, but that's it."

He nodded again.

"Dr. Silver said the embarrassment is something I have to get over," Bobby said, with a quick glance Alex's way. "He says the only 'embarrassing' thing would've been **_not_** getting help."

"He's right," Alex agreed.

"Can I ask you something, Bobby? I mean, without getting you angry?" Alex asked cautiously.

"Sure."

"When I was cleaned up your apartment, I threw out all the bottles of liquor I found."

"Thanks," he answered.

"But, well – do you have any _hidden_ ones that I might've not found?"

Bobby sat quietly, thinking for a moment. "Nightstand next to the bed," he finally said.

"Got that one," she smiled.

…

They drove in silence for a few minutes.

Bobby reached across and took her hand, just holding it as he drove. "Thanks, Alex," he said, giving her hand a small jiggle.

"You mind if I turn off the A/C and open the window a little?"

"No, go ahead," she answered.

She reclined her seat a bit and turned towards her left side, getting comfortable and resting her head against the plush leather. She sat, just watching Bobby – enjoying his first taste of freedom – curls slightly blowing from the breeze.

"What are you doing?" he asked playfully.

"Looking at you," she smiled back.

"You're staying with me tonight, right?"

"If you want me to…"

"I _do_," he assured, then pulled her hand to kiss again.

Alex yawned and settled even more comfortably into the seat. "If you think you can find your way home, I'm gonna' take a little nap," she said.

"A nap? It's only eleven o'clock," he chuckled.

"I know," she said, stifling another yawn. "But if I'm staying at _your_ place tonight, I know what I'm 'in for'…_you've_ had nine days to recuperate," she said, teasing him.

He laughed at her innuendo, but secretly enjoyed her compliment of his prowess.

As he drove the rest of the way, he'd steal little glances of her sleeping face. It warmed his heart.

Then he started thinking, "If I would've told her the way I felt about her…well, years ago, when I first realized I felt that way…we could've been married by now…we could've had a baby by now."

It was times like these he felt like kicking himself. "Four years wasted," he lamented.

He shook the thought from his head and, instead, returned to appreciating the beautiful, sunny day and his freedom. They were heading east on the highway and he looked into the distance, seeing the New York City skyline. He breathed a sigh of relief. He was going home.

But his happy thoughts didn't last long. Bobby knew himself. Once his brain was 'onto something', there was no letting go. He drove and kept glancing at Alex. "No more wasted time," he told himself.

…

He pulled into a parking space and turned off the radio and the ignition.

Turning towards Alex, he smiled and lightly brushed his fingers over her cheek to rouse her from her sleep.

She smiled and stretched a bit. Her eyelids fluttered a bit, as she tried to readjust to the bright daylight, and she decided to keep them closed as felt Bobby's face close to hers.

"Hmmmm," she stretched again. "We're here?"

Bobby leaned over and kissed her forehead, then her lips, as she expected.

After kissing for a minute, Alex shifted, wanting to sit upright. She was anxious to get inside and show Bobby how nicely she'd cleaned his apartment…_not to mention_ trying out the clean, fresh sheets she'd put on his bed, she devilishly thought.

"Let's go!" she said, smiling and opening her eyes.

Her smiled immediately faded and she shot Bobby a look that meant "_if looks could kill_."

The SUV was parked in the driveway of her sister's house.

_END_ Chapter Nine


	10. Chapter 10

**WHAT KEEPS US TOGETHER?**

**Chapter Ten**

"What do you think you're _doing?_" Alex demanded.

Bobby reached for the door handle and began getting out of the vehicle. "We're gonna' go see your nephew and get everything straightened out with your sister," he answered.

Alex sat staring at him in disbelief, mouth still agape.

"You comin'?" Bobby asked, as he swung his door closed.

Alex bolted from the passenger seat and rushed to intercept Bobby on the walkway to the front door. Grabbing his arm, she protested, "Bobby, we _can't_ just _walk in there_ and…"

Bobby spun and placed his hands on Alex's shoulders. "It…it'll be fine…we're just gonna' talk." He dropped his hands from her and, with determination, headed for the door, still talking, "Besides, we've got the element of surprise on our side…it'll give us the upper-hand for a few seconds."

Alex rushed up the walkway, onto the front stoop as he rang the doorbell.

About half a minute later, the door swung open. Alex's brother-in-law, Michael, stood in the doorway, holding Nathan on one hip. Trying to mask the astonishment on his face would've been a fruitless effort.

Bobby, loud and gregarious as ever, stepped into the foyer. "Good to see ya' Mike," he smiled and patted his shoulder. Then, in a giant swoop, took the smiling Nathan from his father's arms.

"Hi, Mike," was all Alex could manage to mutter, dismayed by Bobby's antics.

"Um, Hi, Alex…Bobby." Michael stood by, watching Bobby play with the wriggling toddler.

Nathan smiled and laughed as Bobby lifted him high over his head, then lowered him and made growling noises on the boys tummy, then lowered him even further, making the little boy laugh even harder as Bobby tickled, kissed and made noises on his little neck.

Bobby held Nathan before him, arms outstretched. "Look how big you've grown!" Bobby exclaimed and immediately passed the boy off to his Aunt Alex.

Alex, who didn't have time to react to Bobby's nervy conduct, clutched her nephew and kissed his head, over and over again. The little boy instinctively wrapped his legs around Alex's waist, clinging on to her. He looked at her and smiled, taking his little hands and patting her cheeks, gently, while happily screeching, "An-Alec!"

Alex's sister, Maggie, had heard the commotion from the laundry room and joined Michael at the front door.

As she approached and realized who the 'visitors' were, her heart began pounding and butterflies filled her stomach.

She looked at Alex, holding Nathan, and saw how happy both looked. "Hi," was all she said, with a nervous smile.

Bobby stepped towards Maggie and gave her a big hug and kiss on the cheek. "Hi, Maggie."

"Hi," she muttered again.

"Well, come in, come in," Michael said, closing the front door.

"Here, he's heavy…lemme' take him," Maggie said, arms outstretched.

Alex hated to relinquish her hold so soon, but went to lift Nathan towards Maggie. The little boy squirmed and turned his head, burying his face into Alex's neck. He obviously didn't want to go to his mother.

Bobby held out his arms and Nathan practically jumped into them, already smiling and laughing, ready for more 'roughhousing.'

The four adults, with Nathan in tow on Bobby's hip, went into the family room.

"Have a seat" Maggie said, still a little nervous at seeing Alex for the first time in months.

Bobby and Alex sat next to each other on the loveseat, and Bobby, once again, handed Nathan over to her. She sat the little boy on her lap, facing her, and talked to him in loving coos.

Maggie looked towards Michael, her eyes silently asking, "What are they doing here? Did you know they were coming?"

Michael got up from the sofa and asked, "Anybody hungry for lunch? Bobby, can I get ya' a beer?"

Bobby smiled and looked at Alex. He could tell she was still fairly uncomfortable – especially since she never knew what was going to come out of Bobby's mouth.

"We don't want ya' to go to any trouble with lunch, Mike," Bobby replied. Then he leaned towards Alex and Nathan, taking the boy's little fingers in his hand and pretending to bite him. Nathan laughed and pulled his hand away, pretending he didn't like it, but then immediately put his hand by Bobby's mouth so he could be teased again.

"Besides," Bobby said in a playful voice, still biting at the tiny hand, "Uncle Bobby just got out of rehab two hours ago, so I don't think beer's a good idea."

Alex smiled as she sat watching how good Bobby was with her nephew.

"Rehab!" Mike asked with surprise. "You're kidding."

"No," Bobby answered seriously. "Thirty days. You didn't know?" He purposely paused, leaving Michael and Maggie in an uncomfortable silence for a few seconds.

Then Bobby continued, "Oh, th-that's right…you wouldn't know, cau- 'cause Alex and Maggie aren't speaking, right?"

Alex shot Bobby a look and shifted, uncomfortably, in her seat. She noticed Maggie's identical reaction from across the room.

"Well…I know how that is," Bobby confessed. "Alex and I weren't speaking for a while, either. That's why _I_ just found out about you two last week."

Bobby smiled as Nathan crawled onto his lap, trying to taunt him into playing again.

"If I would've known what happened six months ago, _believe me_, I would've been here sooner."

Bobby held Nathan's hands as the toddler stood on Bobby's legs, trying to balance himself and smiling. "Right, Nathan?" Bobby teased, pretending to gobble his little belly, " 'Cause Nathan loves his Auntie Alex, don't you?" Bobby said, rubbing his curls, then whiskers, on Nathan's stomach, causing more laughter.

Michael and Maggie sat watching, seeing how good Bobby was with their son and remembering how he had clung to Alex. Michael reached out and held Maggie's hand in a show of support. He knew that his wife must have been feeling a bit nervous because he was feeling it himself. He always liked Bobby, but also knew from Alex's stories around the dinner table about how confrontational he could be. He was hoping that the visit wouldn't lead to trouble.

"Ya' know, Mike, I _am_ kinda' hungry!" Bobby announced, turning towards Alex with a smile and passing the child back. "I've been craving a _real_ pizza…ya' know…that rehab food wasn't so good." He stood up from the loveseat. "How 'bout we order from Marco's up the road."

Michael and Maggie stood, "That's fine," he answered, while Maggie said, "I'll get the menu –it's in the kitchen."

After calling in their order, Bobby walked in between Michael and Maggie, draping a long arm over each of their shoulders. "Hey, I hear you guys finally finished the work down the basement _and_ got your pool table," he smiled, turning to look at each of them.

"Yeah," they answered together, slightly smiling.

"Well, how 'bout showin' me!" Bobby exclaimed. It wasn't really a question, because he didn't wait for their answers. He started walking them out of the room towards the cellar steps and called back over his shoulder,

"Alex, you don't mind 'babysitting' for a little while, do ya'?"

"Of _course_ not," she called to the three of them.

Alex kissed and hugged Nathan. It felt _so good_ to see him and hold him. She felt a pang of pain in her heart as she noticed _how much_ bigger he _had_ gotten since the last time she'd seen him. She felt the loss of how much of his young life she'd missed – what new words, what new little games and tricks he'd learned during the past six months.

She knew what Bobby was up to – getting Michael and Maggie down the basement, out of earshot. She was grateful, but not surprised, that he took into consideration that if voices were raised or tears were shed, Nathan wouldn't be subjected to it. "That's my Bobby," she thought to herself. "Always protecting kids."

But Alex had to admit that part of her was scared – not knowing what Bobby was going to say to them –or _about_ her. She truly hoped that Bobby wouldn't mention her frightening 'encounter' in the alley of four months ago.

Nathan yawned and laid his head on Alex's chest, his little fingers stroking her upper arm, as if the feel of her smooth skin was comforting to him.

She kissed his head and stroked his hair, with one hand, while the other rubbed little circles on his tiny back, as he drifted off to sleep.

Alex couldn't decide if she wanted to punch Bobby or kiss him for forcing this get-together. She decided that that decision would await the final outcome of the visit. For now, she was just happy to have her baby in her arms.

END Chapter Ten


	11. Chapter 11

**WHAT KEEPS US TOGETHER?**

**Chapter Eleven**

"Wow! That's a beauty!" Bobby said as the descended the basement steps into the family's new rec room.

Michael smiled, "Yeah, we've had some fun with it. I beat Dad and Daniel already – I'm 'up' $25 bucks," he bragged.

Bobby smiled while grabbing one of the cue sticks from the wall-mounted holder. "You're a brave man, Mike," he said, extending his arm and holding the stick out in front of him, eyeing it for straightness. "I _think_ you're supposed to let your father-in-law _win_," he said with a smile.

Bobby replaced the stick and walked around the table, taking in all the new additions to the finished basement: a corner bar and stools, a small fridge, a seating area around the TV, a stereo with speakers mounted around the perimeter room. "Very nice," he commented. "I hope you're gonna' stock that with _soda_," Bobby joked, pointing to the fridge.

Michael and Maggie stood by, smiling nervously.

"Let's try out the furniture," Bobby said louder than necessary, as he lowered himself onto the small sofa, spreading his long arms over the back of the seat. "C'mon, c'mon…have a seat."

The couple hesitated a moment, but sat in the chairs across from Bobby.

It was quiet for a moment, until Bobby said, "It _is_ a great pool table, b-but _you_ _know_ why we're down here." There was no mistaking that his facial expression and the tone of his voice were serious.

Maggie and Michael _did_ know, but neither knew where to start – what to say, so they waited for Bobby to begin.

Bobby raised his left hand, pointing upwards with his index finger, as he spoke. "Th—that woman upstairs_, your sister,"_ he emphasized while peering into Maggie's eyes, "…Is the most…caring, loving, giving person I've ever known."

"We know," Michael said, softly. Maggie sat quietly, still a little afraid of Bobby and what he was about to say.

Bobby continued. "She's…been hurting…since Nathan was born."

Maggie and Michael exchanged a glance. That wasn't what they were expecting Bobby to say and the statement actually did surprise them and catch them off guard.

"But she's been _more_ than hurt for the past six months."

"S-so have we…" Maggie attempted to say, but Bobby held up his hand, signaling her to stop speaking so he could continue having his say.

"Alex fell asleep in the car on the drive back from the rehab center. She had no idea I was driving here."

The couple nodded their understanding.

"I came here today," Bobby paused and let out a deep breath " –because this estrangement between the two of you has to come to an end. It---it's _going_ to come to an end, _today_."

"I've tried talking to her," Michael said, shrugging his shoulders.

"I believe you, Mike. I know what it's like to deal with a headstrong, stubborn Eames woman," he said with a little chuckle, trying to ease the tension.

Maggie smiled.

"Your sister," Bobby continued, holding his eye contact with Maggie, "She gave you –the _two_ of you—the most wonderful, amazing gift. A child – a little boy for you to call your own, to love and teach and raise." Bobby rubbed his cheek and chin, carefully thinking about his words. "No strings attached –oth…other than her _heart_ strings."

Maggie had tears welling up in her eyes. She reached out for Michael's hand.

"She _wanted_ to do it for you –thought she was _strong_ enough to do it – to give up the baby so that _you_ could have the family you so desperately wanted. And she kept up _her_ end of the bargain. _She_ carried that beautiful baby boy for nine months, went through all the labor pains and delivery – but it was _you_ took him home from the hospital – brought him here, to his happy new home – his new little nursery decorated with teddy bears and ABC's – while _what_? While your _sister_ went home to an empty apartment, with her empty womb and empty arms…no one cared about how _she_ was feeling…" His voice trailed off and he let out a heavy sigh.

Bobby paused, letting his words sink in. He sat forward on the sofa, resting his elbows on his knees. "That little boy upstairs – a part of him will _always_ be hers; that was the deal, wasn't it? She'd be his "Aunt Alex" and be able to see him _any _time –she'd be an _important_ part of his life."

Michael and Maggie both nodded in agreement. Tears were now streaming down her cheeks and she sniffled and swiped at them.

"And because she wasn't willing –because she _couldn't_ put herself through that pain and emptiness again, you held it against her! You grew spiteful and vindictive…an-an and took Nathan away on his _birthday_ so that she couldn't see him!

"That's enough!" Michael interrupted, trying to protect his wife from further upset. "I've been over this with Maggie already…" He got up from his chair and knelt on the floor before his wife, hugging her as she collapsed in tears.

Maggie was trying to speak through her sobs and gasps for air. "I –I wanted to apologize…I'm afraid she won't forgive me…"

Bobby got up from the sofa and sat, instead, on the coffee table in front the Maggie's chair. Maggie couldn't help but sense his imposing presence and slowly lifted her head, although she was afraid to face him. But Bobby's demeanor had already changed. He took Maggie's hands and held them, giving her a reassuring nod.

"I know –Alex told me that both of you said some pretty hurtful things…but, it was just in the heat of the moment. She knows you didn't _really_ mean any of it –and _you_ should know the same – you know her well enough."

Maggie sat upright and wiped her eyes. "I don't know what to say to fix it…I can't stand not seeing my sister…she's my best friend," she sniffled.

Bobby gave her a slight smile, then looked at Michael, too. "Just three little words…and everything will be all right," he said.

She shook her head 'no,' "It can't be that simple –it's been too long,"

Bobby tightened his grip on her hands, commanding her eyes' attention. "Three little words – 'I'm so sorry,' or 'please forgive me' or 'I love you'. Any _one_ of those will work –and the two of you will be good as new, I promise," Bobby said convincingly.

Michael looked at Bobby – a look that said 'thanks' for his backing off the confrontational mode and switching to the gentle approach.

Maggie dried her eyes and tried to manage a little smile, 'though still sniffling. "You really think it's that simple?"

"I _know_ it is," Bobby smiled back, encouragingly. "It worked for _me_."

Michael rubbed Maggie's back and smiled. "Why don't you go upstairs and talk to her? We'll stay down here and give you a few minutes."

Bobby nodded in agreement, silently saying, "Go ahead –it'll be all right."

She stood, mustering up her courage, and headed for the staircase.

"But ya' better call us when the pizza gets here!" Michael teased.

Bobby laughed.

Maggie continued up the stairs, ready to make things 'right' with her sister.

END Chapter Eleven


	12. Chapter 12

**WHAT KEEPS US TOGETHER?**

**Chapter Twelve**

Alex was sitting on the couch with Nathan, who was still comfortably napping. His warm little head, with wispy blond curls, rested over her heart. As much as she was enjoying holding the little boy, she couldn't help wondering what was going on downstairs. She was almost afraid to imagine what things Bobby could be saying to her sister and Michael, but was relieved, so far, that she hadn't heard any yelling or screaming.

She tilted her head to one side so she could see Nathan's face, taking in his little features. When she touched his little hand, his fingers instinctively wrapped around her index finger and held tight.

The sound of the cellar door opening jarred Alex from her thoughts. A second later, she saw her sister standing in the doorway, her eyes and nose red from crying. Alex gave her a small, sympathetic smile as Maggie approached the couch and sat down next to her.

Maggie reached out and stroked Nathan's hair and smiled. "He's so perfect…so beautiful," she whispered, her voice quivering.

"I know," Alex whispered back.

"How could I ever thank you enough for him?" Maggie forced herself to look up at Alex, tears once again filling her eyes. "Oh, Alex," she whimpered, "I'm so sorry…"

Maggie leaned into Alex's shoulder, breaking down in tears. Alex put her left arm around her sister's shoulders and hugged her. "It's all right," she said, kissing her sister's head. "I'm sorry, too."

"I've missed you so much," Maggie continued, sobbing. "And…and so has Nathan – he asked for you all the time…I felt so guilty…"

Alex squeezed her sister's shoulders tighter. "It's all right…I'm here now…thanks to Bobby," she chuckled, trying to lighten the mood. "I hope he wasn't too hard on you – he can get a little _intense_ sometimes."

Maggie shook her head and laughed a little. "He was fine," she assured Alex. "He didn't say anything that wasn't the truth," she said, wiping her eyes.

"Well, that's good," Alex answered, relieved.

"He _really_ cares about you, Alex. He's a good man."

"I know," Alex said with a nod.

Maggie looked at Alex and smiled –her devilish smile that meant, 'Well, if you know all that, then how come you're not '_with_' him?"

Alex 'read' the look exactly – she and her sister were back on track, talking as if they hadn't missed a beat over the past few months. "Can I let ya' in on a secret?" Alex taunted.

Maggie's eyes grew wide. "You're kidding?"

Alex shook her head, 'no'.

"Since _when_?" Maggie demanded to know.

"A week ago Wednesday," Alex answered with a sly grin.

Maggie paused to think, doing the math. "I thought he was in rehab for the past month?"

"He was," Alex smiled.

Maggie practically squealed, "Oh my God, Alex! You '_did it_' in a rehab bed…for the first time?"

Alex cocked her head, still smiling, "Well, _technically_, 'no.' it was a _staff_ bed."

"Oh my God! How _was_ it?" Maggie asked excitedly.

Alex raised her eyebrows and smiled, silently answering, "How do you _think_ it was?"

"But, I mean, you guys are '_together_,' right? It wasn't just a _sex_ thing…you're a _couple_ now, right?"

"Yeah," Alex grinned. "I guess it's 'official'."

…

All the chatter and giddiness between Alex and Maggie had disturbed the sleeping Nathan, who stretched and sprung up on Alex lap, happy to see both his mother and his Aunt.

"It always amazes me how he wakes up smiling," Maggie said, kissing the boy's head.

"He doesn't get _that_ from me!" Alex teased.

The two sisters hugged, snuggling their baby boy between them.

"I love you," Maggie said into her sister's ear.

"I love you, too" Alex answered in kind.

They released their embrace and looked at the smiling baby. In unison, they said, "And _we_ love _you_, too!" and began playfully kissing the baby's neck and ears, making him giggle heartily.

…

Almost fifteen minutes had passed and Michael and Bobby figured that the ladies had had enough time to 'make up.'

"Why don't we go up and see how they're doing?" Michael asked.

Bobby nodded. "Let's go."

The two men went upstairs and stood in the doorway, silently, enjoying the heartwarming scene. Alex, who was facing the doorway, saw Bobby and her brother-in-law and smiled. Maggie turned around, also smiling.

Michael leaned towards Bobby, hanging his arm around his shoulder. "Thank you," he softly said.

Bobby nodded, smiling.

"He's probably wet," Maggie said, turning back towards Alex. "You mind changing him while I set the table for lunch?"

"Not at all," she answered her sister and stood up, wrapping Nathan in a big hug. "C'mon you," she said, kissing his neck. "Let's get you all clean and dry and ready for lunch."

Alex headed towards Nathan's bedroom, calling over her shoulder, "C'mon Bobby…you can help."

Bobby smiled and shrugged his shoulders, dutifully following Alex down the hall.

As Maggie passed by Michael on her way to the kitchen, he grabbed her into a hug. "You feel better?" he asked.

"Mmmm-mmm," she smiled, nuzzling her head against his shoulder.

"Everything's all right, then?" he asked, double-checking to make sure.

"Uh-huh," she smiled, pulling back and patting his sides. "Help me with the table?"

"Sure," he said, following his wife into the kitchen.

…

Nathan lay on the changing table, wriggling around as Alex powdered him and tried to fasten the adhesive tabs on his diaper. Bobby was holding one of is toys overhead, trying to keep him occupied.

"There!" Alex announced as she finished pulling his tiny blue shorts back up. "All finished!"

Nathan pulled on Bobby's fingers, sitting himself up, then Bobby scooped him up and held him high overhead.

"He's always smiling," Bobby observed.

"He likes you," Alex said. After putting away the wipes and powder and disposing of the soiled diaper, she stood by Bobby's side and put her arm around him.

"Thank you, Bobby," she said, giving him a squeeze and leaning her head on his arm.

"Everything's all right?"

"Uh-huh," she answered. "I don't know what you said to them –I'm not sure I _wanna_' know," she joked, "But whatever it was, well ….thanks."

Bobby held Nathan on his left hip, his left arm holding the boy tightly. He raised his right hand and brushed back Alex's hair, tucking it behind her ear. He leaned over and kissed her lips softly.

She looked up at him and smiled. "That'll do for _now_ – but _just_ _wait_ 'til I get you home."

"That a promise?" he asked, looking hopeful.

As she answered, "Uh-huh," the doorbell rang.

"Lunch is here!" Bobby said, poking at Nathan's tummy and handing him off to Alex. He reached into his pocket for money and left Nathan's room, calling out to Michael and Maggie, "I've got it!"

Alex hugged Nathan and talked to him, teasingly, "That's right…just wait 'til I get your Uncle Bobby home," she said, tickling his neck. "Pretty soon, you might have a little playmate, after all."

She was smiling as the joined Bobby and the rest of the family in the kitchen, happy to sit down and enjoy the first family lunch she'd had in a long time.

END Chapter Twelve


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Sorry about the long span between chapters. It seems "real life" is always interfering with my spare time for FF. As usual, they're all Dick's…not mine. Hope you enjoy it! **

**WHAT KEEPS US TOGETHER?**

**Chapter Thirteen**

More than an hour later, Bobby, Alex and Michael were still seated around the table, chatting. Maggie had excused herself to put Nathan down for his afternoon nap and, upon returning to the room, stood behind Bobby's chair and placed her hands on the top of his shoulders. She patted him and placed a little kiss on the top of his head before reclaiming her seat beside her husband.

"You have enough?" she asked.

"Plenty," he answered. "Mike forced the last pepperoni slice on me and Alex gave me the leftover piece of her eggplant parm sandwich."

"Good!" Maggie said. "Since you missed 'real food' for the past month, you _should_ eat up!"

Michael and Alex smiled and nodded in agreement, but then Alex noticed the serious look that came over her sister's face.

Maggie reached and placed her hand on Bobby's forearm. "I wish we would've know you were…away," she said, glancing back and forth between Bobby and her sister. "We would've called or visited or something."

"It's okay. Thanks, though," Bobby nodded. "I couldn't have visitors for the first two weeks, but then my friend Lewis came with one of my other buddies, and then Alex came a few times, too."

Alex shot a smile across the table at her sister, stifling the laugh brought on by Bobby's innocent words and her own mind's twist of sexual innuendo. "I think I 'came' _more_ than a few times," Alex silently joked to herself. Maggie knew _exactly_ what her sister was thinking and smiled, too.

After visiting for a short while longer, Alex was getting anxious to leave and get Bobby back to his place. As she reached to clear some of the plates and utensils from the table, she asked Bobby, "You 'bout ready to leave?"

Bobby shrugged his shoulders, "Sure, whenever you're ready." He got up and carried a few glasses to the kitchen sink.

Alex turned and spoke to Maggie and Michael, "He probably wants to get home, ya' know? He hasn't seen his apartment in a month…he probably just wants to relax for the rest of the weekend before he goes back to work on Monday."

"Uh-huh, relax," Maggie mocked with a smile. Michael didn't know why his wife as so amused by the comment.

Bobby reappeared, rejoining the group.

"Well, thanks, again, for lunch," Michael said.

"Don't mention it," Bobby replied. "It's the least we could do after barging in," he joked.

"I didn't barge, you did!" Alex playfully reminded him.

"Well, _I'm_ glad he did," Maggie smiled, giving Bobby and her sister a good-bye hug.

As Bobby and Alex made their way back to the SUV, Maggie called, "You're sure next Saturday is all right?"

"It's fine," Alex yelled back, then turned to Bobby and in a softer voice informed him that they were babysitting Nathan the following Saturday night, while Maggie and Michael attended a retirement party for one of Michael's co-workers.

Bobby merely smiled and nodded. As long as Alex was happy, that was all that mattered to him.

She motioned for him to toss her the keys.

"What? _You_ wanna' drive back?" he asked.

"Yup! Hand 'em over, big guy!" she teased. "I wanna' make sure I don't get hijacked again!"

Bobby chuckled and climbed in the passenger side.

…

Both of them were quiet during the drive home. Bobby was content merely being with Alex and taking in the familiar city sights as they neared his apartment.

Alex's mind was preoccupied; still ecstatic at her reunion with her sister and nephew, "Thanks to Bobby," she silently reminded herself. Then she began thinking ahead, growing more anxious to get Bobby home and to be alone with him – to have him all to herself as she remember her earlier promise of "just wait 'til I get you home."

She glanced to her right and looked at Bobby. The facial expressions she had grown so accustomed to over the years – his looks of intensity, worry, anxiety – were nowhere evident. He looked relaxed and well rested. And then it occurred to her: "This is the first time I've ever seen him _truly_ content –_happy_, in all our years together."

Before, she had easily blamed herself, at least in part, for his alcohol abuse and resulting downward spiral. She wondered, now, how much of his happiness was due to their finally being together, or if his current state was due only to his sobriety and the benefits of his counseling sessions with Dr. Silver.

"I guess it doesn't matter," Alex told herself. "As long as Bobby's happy and healthy, that's all that counts."

"Penny for your thoughts," his soft voice spoke, breaking the silence.

He watched as she shook her head, shaking herself from her thoughts. "Nothing important," she answered. But after a few seconds, she added, "Sorry about the babysitting thing," she said, with a quick glance his way. "I should've checked with you before agreeing to do it."

Bobby shook his head; "It's okay. It'll be fun…and you'll get to spend more time with Nathan."

"It's our lucky day," Alex announced, as she maneuvered the big truck into a parking space not too far from Bobby's building.

Bobby retrieved his luggage from the back compartment and joined Alex on the sidewalk, leisurely making their way to his front steps.

"Guess you're glad to be home," she said.

He nodded. "Yeah…it feels a little strange, though."

Since Alex already had her keys out, she used her key to open the apartment and let them in. Bobby immediately placed his bag on the floor in the small foyer and surveyed his apartment.

Alex stood silently by his side.

"It looks great," Bobby said, placing his arm around Alex's waist and stepping into the living room.

He looked around, noticing how clean and orderly his home now was, in severe contrast to the way he had left it that Saturday morning a month ago. Alex had dusted and vacuumed and polished the furniture. A clean, fresh scent wafted through the room from the air fresheners and scented candles that Alex had placed about. A new green plant sat atop the radiator cover by the front windows and a multi-colored "Welcome Home" banner hung across the front of the entertainment center.

"Your mail's in the basket over there," Alex said, pointing to the wicker basket she had placed on the end table by the sofa.

Bobby squeezed her closer. "Thanks. I-I _really_ appreciate this."

"You're more than welcome," she smiled and squeezed back.

"I stocked your fridge, too – yesterday."

Bobby walked to the kitchen and flipped on the light switch. The kitchen, too, was sparking clean. Bobby could tell she had scrubbed the cupboards, counters and floor. He stood, admiring her handiwork and turned to her, teasing, "_Please_ tell me you did the bathroom, too!" he laughed.

"I did," she smiled. "For the first _and last_ time," she added, jokingly.

He chuckled. "Sorry about that," he apologized, as he headed down the hall to check the results of her efforts there, as well.

Alex followed him down the hall, "Yeah…well, now that you're sober, your aim should be a lot better," she said sarcastically. "It better stay clean," she threatened with a giggle.

He flipped on the bathroom light and discovered another sparkling clean room – floor, sink, vanity, toilet, tub and shower, all gleaming.

She hugged him from behind, wrapping her arms around his waist and patting his stomach. Bobby spun around to face her and pulled her into a bear hug. He kissed her head and, leaving his lips pressed against her, murmured, "Thank you. The place looks great."

"You're welcome –again. But you haven't seen the bedroom yet," she said with excitement, tugging his hand so he'd follow.

Alex was anxious to be in Bobby's arms again. For the past week and half (since the first time they were together at the Center) she could think of _nothing but_ making love with him again. She had gone to sleep every night with the memories of that night filling her head and her heart. How it had felt to kiss him intimately, to feel the magnificent, manly parts of his body that had long been a mystery to her. She longed for the way he had made her feel. She wondered if he yearned for her, just as desperately.

As Bobby followed her towards the bedroom, he felt the excitement in his stomach –the butterflies he'd always gotten when around Alex. He was so happy to be home –and alone with her for the night—so he could once again experience the passion and ecstasy that their carnal union had brought. But there would be time for that later.

As they reached the bedroom doorway, they heard a knock at the front door. Alex froze, a look of annoyance, disappointment and curiosity washed over her face. "It figures," she moaned, as she watched Bobby head for the door. "Who the heck could that be?" she mumbled to herself.

He looked out the peephole and turned to Alex with a sigh. "It's the Captain!" Bobby whispered in exclamation.

Alex rushed past him, grabbed a magazine and took a seat on the sofa, trying to appear nonchalant.

Once Bobby saw she was "in place," he unlocked the door and greeted Deakins.

"Hey, Cap!" he said with a smile.

Deakins smiled and stepped in the door, at first shaking Bobby's hand, then pulling him into a hug. "You look great! How're ya' feeling?"

"Great! I feel great," Bobby answered.

"Hi Cap," Alex called from the living room.

"Hey, Alex," he said in greeting.

"I came by earlier, but there was no answer. Then when I saw the truck outside this time, I knew you were home."

"Have a seat," Bobby offered. "We stopped by Alex's sister's house first on the way home. We had lunch there." Bobby said, trying to distract the Captain with small talk.

"That's nice. How're they all doin'?" Deakins asked.

"Everybody's fine," Alex smiled.

"You look great, Bobby. You lose some weight?"

"Yeah, I guess," he answered. "Thanks to the institutional food," he said with a laugh. "Can I get ya' a soda or something?"

"No, no," the Captain answered. "I just wanted to stop by and say 'welcome home.' It'll be great havin' ya' back at work," he continued sincerely.

"Thanks, Cap. I ap-appreciate it."

Deakins turned towards Alex. "You told him not to worry, right?"

Alex nodded.

"Except for Logan and Barek, nobody knows where you've been. You can tell people whatever you want, if anyone asks," Deakins reassured Bobby.

"Thanks, Cap."

The Captain stood and headed towards the door. "Well, I'll let you two get caught up," he said with a smile.

Alex couldn't tell if it was her guilty imagination or not, but asked herself, "Did Deakins just look at me 'funny,' …like suspiciously?"

She continued trying to act 'normal' and smiled at the Captain. "_I_ won't be seein' ya' for another two weeks!"

"Well, we'll all take care of him for ya' Alex," he said with a reassuring smile. "It'll be good having _you_ back, too."

Deakins gave Bobby another hug good-bye and waved to Alex as he left.

"Do you think he _thinks_ anything?" Alex asked nervously.

"No," Bobby said. "He expected you to be here…he saw the truck."

"Well, maybe we got away with it for today, but we're gonna' have to be careful," Alex warned.

Bobby sat next to her on the sofa and put his arm around her shoulders. She snuggled into him. There was silence for a minute, then Alex slid her fingers up Bobby's leg, from knee to thigh, circling teasingly towards his inseam. "Weren't we just on our way to the bedroom?" she asked, reminding him.

Bobby chuckled, "You have a one-track mind," he teased, as he removed her hand from his leg and brought it to his lips to kiss.

"How about we watch a movie, or listen to some music?" he asked. He could sense she was perplexed –and disappointed at his suggestion. He hoped he hadn't hurt her feelings and when she merely answered, "Yeah, whatever," with a tone of indifference, he knew he had.

He turned to face her and lifted her hand again, pressing his lips to her soft skin. "Alex?" he asked softly.

"What?" she replied flatly.

He took his hand and gently touched her chin, turning her face towards him.

She almost melted as his beautiful brown eyes pierced hers. "Do you remember…._that night_….at the Center?"

She felt herself blush a little. She smiled, "You _know_ I do."

"Do you remember when I told you…_when it happened_…that it wasn't how I always imagined it would happen?"

"Uh-huh," she nodded. "Not in a rehab bed," she said with a slight chuckle.

Bobby moved closer, now taking her petite face in both of his hands and gazing into her eyes. "I want tonight to be…s-so _special_ for you…I want it to be _perfect_…_just the way_ I always imagined it would be when I finally made you mine."

He leaned in to kiss her and her lips met his with equal hunger and passion.

Their night was just beginning.

_END_ Chapter Thirteen


	14. Chapter 14

**WHAT KEEPS US TOGETHER?**

**Chapter Fourteen**

He was driving her insane with desire.

She was _certain_ he was fully aware of the 'torture' he was inflicting upon her. Every touch of his lips, every taste of his essence as his tongue stroked hers, every caress of her warm, soft, bare skin by his equally warm skilled fingers only served to fuel the fires of her lust for him. It was a hunger, the likes of which she had never before felt.

Her pounding heart sent blood rushing to every inch of her body, especially her womanly intimate parts, which actually _ached_ to be filled by him –with him. She knew _she_ was more than ready, having felt the warmth and moistness of her own lubrication twenty minutes earlier –almost at their first kiss. But here they were, still on the sofa. She didn't know how much more she could take.

"I am _so _gonna' get even with him for this," she vowed to herself, only half kidding.

She never knew that such pleasure could cause such pain –well, at least _discomfort._

"And speaking of discomfort," her thoughts continued wandering, as did his hand under her blouse, "He's gotta' be getting' pretty uncomfortable himself," she surmised, as her hand once again reached and began caressing the hardness straining against his fly.

Her touch brought a low, slow groan from his throat as he deepened their kiss and leaned into her, harder.

Alex continued petting him, rubbing the firmness of his shaft, and teasing him in return.

Bobby's abruptness in ending their kiss and embrace startled Alex. She looked up at him as he stood in front of the sofa –his manhood blatantly obvious.

"Finally," she thought to herself with relief, "He's ready to head to the bedroom."

He reached for her hand and helped her stand, then immediately pulled her to him and clutched her close. His massive hands held either side of her head as he locked her in another deep, passionate kiss.

She pressed even closer against him, enabling him to rub his hardness against her, ensuring his continued arousal.

He ended _this_ kiss and took a step back to look at her. He stood, wordless but practically panting, as his eyes wandered from her face to her body and back again. Her clothes were wrinkled and disheveled –her hair a mess. Her lips pink and swollen from his kisses –and the rubbing of his whiskers. She never looked more beautiful. He _had to_ have her.

His fingers played at the hem of her shirt.

She was used to that – Bobby never _could_ keep his hands still.

She stared into his eyes and understood what he wanted, without his asking. She raised her arms, as he slowly tugged the shirt over her head and tossed it aside.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered.

She smiled, partially from his compliment and partially from the tickling sensation as his fingers gently traced the curve of her neck to her shoulders.

She watched the expression on his face – the desire filling his chocolate brown eyes – as he admired the small, curvaceous form standing before him in her in her black lace bra. His eyes were fixed on her breasts –her erect nipples and their pink-flushed color apparent, thanks to the openings in the delicate, lacy fabric.

He leaned down, again kissing her hungrily. Finally giving in to his own body's hunger, he barely removed his mouth from hers as he said, "_I need you – now_."

He was almost breathless; his voice guttural from the urgency of his pent-up passion and desire. It was the sexiest thing Alex had ever heard.

With cat-like quickness, he swept her up into his arms and headed for the bedroom.

Alex draped her arms around his neck and placed kiss after kiss at the hollow of his throat as he carried her down the hallway, then gently set her down on the bed.

Light from the hall filtered into the bedroom, providing a soft illumination. "It'll do," Alex thought to herself. She wasn't about to interrupt Bobby's momentum now –not just for the sake of lighting some candles for 'effect.' She'd been waiting long enough to get him into the bedroom.

She squirmed out of her denim skirt and scooted back on the bed, toward the pillows, as she watched him undress. She loved everything about him. His hair, his eyes, his face, his voice –_everything_. She loved the size of him – his broad shoulders and chest; muscular arms, firm, round butt and powerful legs. And now, knowing what she knew –how if felt to make love with him –and _be_ loved _by_ him, she wondered why the hell it had taken her so long.

And while he was undressing, he had been watching her squirm out of her denim skirt. She now lay upon his comforter in her bra and panties, waiting for him.

Naked and obviously ready to quench his desires, he crawled up the bed into her waiting arms. He kissed her mouth hungrily, then kissed her neck and shoulders, working his way downward –kissing and playfully nipping and scratching his whiskers over the swell of her breasts.

She tried to accommodate him and began to pull the straps down to remove her bra, but he quickly put a huge hand over hers and mumbled through his continued kisses, "Leave it on."

She smiled. It was going to be interesting to learn Bobby's little 'turn ons.'

When it came to her panties, that was a different story. In a matter of seconds, his fingers had deftly maneuvered under the lacy elastic sides. He gently tugged as she raised her hips from the bed to facilitate their removal. His long, warm fingers and his tongue quickly discovered what Alex already knew: She was _ready_ for him.

He kissed his way back up to her face and she combed her fingers through his wavy, salt and pepper hair as their lips met.

He rolled onto his back, pulling her along, so she ended up on top of him.

"Oh," she smiled, with a teasing nod of her head. "You're getting lazy on me tonight, huh?"

He smiled and laughed. "No. I just –wanna' watch," he said with a crooked grin.

She leaned forward to kiss him, supporting herself with her left hand, as her right hand reached down to find his

erection.

At the touch of her hand upon his now ultra-sensitive manhood, his body thrust towards her involuntarily.

She smiled while they kissed. She liked knowing that her touch had that effect on him.

He strained towards her again, as she gently rubbed his eager appendage against her warmth and wetness.

Bobby shook his head from side to side, silently indicating 'no' –as in "no, don't tease me like that." He put his hands on Alex's hips, guiding her backwards.

Alex decided that she had tormented him enough. She gazed into his eyes as she lowered herself onto him, slowly allowing his hardness and warmth to fill her, inch by inch. Their eyes remained fixed on each other for several minutes, silently communicating their mutual lust and love.

Alex's hips rhythmically moved against Bobby, slowly at first – then at a quicker pace, as she contracted her muscles and enveloped him tighter and tighter with each thrusting stroke.

She looked down at his face. His eyes were now closed, concentrating – reveling in the pleasure she was providing. She caressed his cheek and his eyes opened, dreamily, at her touch.

"I _love_ you, Bobby," she told him.

He pulled her forward and kissed her. "I love _you_…I've _always_ loved you," he whispered in a desperate, passionate groan.

He cupped his massive hands on her ass, matching the rhythm of her grinding, bucking hips –thrust for thrust, as he plunged deeply into her, bringing her to a simultaneous climax with him. It was the most powerful, physically satiating orgasm that either of them had ever experienced –seemingly unending, undulating waves of ecstasy that racked their bodies. But even more important to them both, it was the most emotionally satisfying experience they'd ever shared.

Alex, her body glistening with sweat, collapsed against Bobby's chest. His arms immediately circled her, then he pet her hair and placed small kisses on her head.

They rested contently, clinging to each other while catching their breath.

Bobby's soft voice finally broke the silence. He kissed her head again and tightened his hold on her. "All I ever wanted – all I ever needed – is here, in my arms."

Alex faintly heard his loving affirmation, as she drifted off to sleep in the arms of the man she loved.

_END_ Chapter Fourteen

Musical credit: Lyrics - "All I ever wanted – all I ever needed – is here, in my arms." _Depeche Mode/Violater_


	15. Chapter 15

**WHAT KEEPS US TOGETHER?**

**Chapter Fifteen**

While Alex had drifted into a deep, content slumber, Bobby lay awake –thinking. But it wasn't the 'bad' kind of thinking he'd become used to -- like his lifetime of frustrating nights, tossing and turning, unable to turn off his detective's brain – unable to stop thinking of Alex -- consumed by his loneliness.

No, tonight all he could think of was how _happy_ he was and how much he loved her. How _this_ night _and_ their first night together nine days ago still seemed almost unreal to him. A part of him remained afraid that it _was_ all a dream and that he'd soon awaken to find himself alone in his bed, back to the harsh reality of his daily existence.

He must have lay holding her for close to an hour, while his thoughts wandered. The room was dimly illuminated by the hallway light. With his eyes well adjusted to the darkness, he gratefully admired the petite, feminine form that lay draped over half his body, keeping him warm from the chill of the air conditioning. Her 'curves in all the right places' cast shadows upon the parts he _wished_ he could see.

"Well, at least I can feel them," he thought to himself, smiling devilishly in the dark, as his fingers circled and trailed over her smooth skin. "Daylight will be here soon enough," he reassured himself.

Alex's breathing was rhythmic and warm against his chest.

Tiredness and contentment finally overtook Bobby and he, too, drifted into a peaceful sleep

Sunday morning –into early afternoon—continued much the way Saturday night had ended. Bobby was _finally_ able to coax Alex out of bed with the promise of a brunch buffet, followed by a walk in the park. By one o'clock they were both showered and dressed -- and starving.

After brunch, as they walked to the park, they browsed among the many sidewalk vendors and Alex found a pair of earrings she liked, which Bobby bought for her.

"Thank you," she said, giving him a kiss on the cheek.

"You're welcome," he replied, placing his arm around her shoulder as they continued walking down the street.

They strolled, hand-in-hand, along the winding, flower-lined paths of the park, then came upon a bench where they sat and talked for almost an hour.

"What'cha feel like doing now?" Bobby asked.

Alex smiled slyly, raising her eyebrows, silently alluding to her suggested 'activity'.

"C'mon, Alex," Bobby retorted, chuckling. "You can't be serious."

"Well," she smiled, "I just figured since we ate about 10,000 calories at breakfast we could at least _try_ to burn some off."

Bobby laughed. "We have time for that later," he said, raising her hand to kiss it. "Besides, I've gotta' go back to work tomorrow – I wanna' make the most of my last day off."

Alex looked up at him and answered, "_I've_ gotta' go to work tomorrow, too!" she defended herself. And _I_ haven't had the past month off!"

"Jus-just think of something to do, okay?"

"Okay –party pooper," she playfully scowled. "How 'bout a movie?"

"A movie's good," Bobby said, nodding. "Let's turn here and we can walk over to The Angelica; there's gotta' be something good playing."

"You sleepwalking?" Bobby asked teasingly as they crossed the street, keeping his arm around her to ensure her safe crossing.

"I _should be_," Alex moaned, exaggerating her 'agony' to tease him.

Her antics made Bobby chuckle.

"I don't think it's funny," Alex scolded him. "I can't believe out of the twelve movies playing, you chose _that_ one!"

"I thought it was interest—no, _fascinating_," Bobby replied in all seriousness.

"Oh brother," Alex moaned, shaking her head. "_Fascinating_?" she questioned, her eyebrows raised in disbelief. "I call that $25 bucks _wasted_…that's what _I _call it."

Bobby laughed and shook his head. "You can see all the 'chick flicks' you want with Barek."

Alex scoffed at his stereotyping.

"I guess I'm in the doghouse, now," Bobby teased. "You've probably rescinded your earlier …_suggestion _ and I'll be sleeping alone tonight," he sighed with pretend disappointment.

She shot him a look. "You _should've_ just _accepted_ my earlier suggestion," she snapped back. "It wouldn't have cost you twenty-five dollars and it's a _hell of a lot_ better than that movie you just made me sit through!"

A smile crossed Bobby's lips and he nodded slightly. "I'll take that as a compliment," he said. "I never knew you were such a cheap date," he teased, goading her into a reaction.

"Just for that, _now_ you can buy me dinner," she said, punching his arm.

Bobby was welcomed back to work on Monday morning and the week passed by quickly –and uneventfully enough. He was happy to be back at Major Case and Deakins, Logan and Barek were genuinely happy to have him there. One more week and Alex, too, would be back. His life would 'officially' be back to normal.

Around the coffeepots and water cooler, a couple of the guys had questioned Bobby as to where he'd been the past few weeks. He told them he'd been off for two weeks and on assignment down in DC for two. They seemed appeased by his explanation and the subject wasn't brought up again.

On Friday afternoon at around 4:15, Bobby's cell phone rang. A quick looked identified Alex as the caller and he flipped his phone open as he walked from his desk into the privacy of the nearby conference room.

"Hey, what's up?" he said.

"Nothing. I just wanted to let you know that Liv and I are tied up here. We'll be catchin' the PATH train back at around 6."

"Okay," Bobby said. "Mike and Carolyn and I are headin' to Carucci's straight from work at 6."

There was silence on the line.

Bobby knew her well enough to know what she was thinking. She was thinking: "Here we go again…the Friday night getting-drunk-at-Carucci's routine," OR "I think that's a bad idea – are you gonna' be able to fight the temptation and not drink?" Or any number of other reasons that Alex could think of why he shouldn't go and expose himself to the 'bar scene.'

"It'll be fine," he tried to assure her.

"Look, Bobby – the last thing I wanna' do is make you feel 'henpecked' but I don't know if that's such a good idea."

Bobby understood her concern but he couldn't lie to himself. A small part of him was resentful that she didn't trust him.

He restrained himself from snapping at her, realizing that she only had his best interests at heart. Instead, he merely answered, "It'll be fine. Just meet us there when ya' get off the train, okay?"

"Okay," she answered, as her gut twisted.

It was 7:15 p.m. Alex was more than annoyed that her train had been late. She stormed up the subway stairs to the street, all the while trying to keep her mind from imagining the worst. To save time, she grabbed a cab to Carucci's and, as the driver finally pulled to the curb outside the bustling bar/restaurant, she felt a mixture of relief and anxiety.

As she neared the entrance, she peered through the tinted plate-glass windows, trying to spot Bobby, Mike and Carolyn. The reflections from the multi-colored neon beer signs hanging in the windows made it difficult to see, but finally, she spotted them. They were at their usual pool table on the far end. As she entered and made her way through the crowd, her eyes strained harder to see the trio.

Fortunately, or unfortunately for Bobby, as the case may be, his height made him easy to spot.

Alex froze. She had walked in, just in time to see Bobby -- holding his cue stick and sharing a laugh with Mike…as he thirstily gulped from a beer bottle.

END Chapter Fifteen


	16. Chapter 16

**WHAT KEEPS US TOGETHER?**

**Chapter Sixteen**

Alex _had_ frozen in disbelief of the sight before her eyes, but it was only for a split second. She felt a hundred emotions welling up inside her, twisting her stomach into a knot: shock, anger, betrayal, disappointment and worry were just a few of them.

She stormed, with purpose, towards the trio at the corner pool table, getting more annoyed by the second as she navigated through the crowd getting bumped and 'elbowed' "by the other 'drunks'" she thought to herself, as she carved herself a path. As she neared them, Mike was the first to see her approaching and Alex could read his lips as he touched bottles with Bobby and informed him, "Here's Alex."

Alex's 'radar' was locked on Bobby – _so intently_ that she was oblivious to the cheerful 'hello' smiles given to her by Mike and Carolyn.

Bobby, too, was smiling, until he saw Alex's face.

"Uh-oh, she looks pissed off," he said, leaning over and joking with Mike. "Probably hadda' work later than she thought, or got stuck in traffic," he presumed.

Alex had finally arrived at her target, taking Bobby totally by surprise as she planted herself in front of him and ripped the beer bottle from his hand, causing the remaining contents to splash all over her hand and onto the floor.

Logan and Barek stood alongside, in shock.

"What are you doing? Are you all right?" Bobby asked, still startled. He was concentrating on Alex's face, but could feel the eyes of the people surrounding them watching –waiting to find out what was going on.

"What am _I_ doing?" She asked with disbelief. "What are **_YOU_** doing? That's the question! I can't _believe_ this, Bobby! She shouted, indignantly and even louder than necessary to be heard over the music and noisy crowd.

And _you_ two! She exclaimed, turning to face Mike and Carolyn with an angry scowl, "I just _cannot believe_ this."

Bobby stood and held up his hands, motioning for her to calm down. He saw the tears welling up in her eyes; heard her voice crack as she forced down the lump in her throat.

"Don't tell me to calm down!" she snapped at Bobby. She took a step towards the pool table and slammed the bottle down.

"You know what, Bobby? I'm through. I'm through with believing your sob stories and all the lies you've been telling me – making me sit through that **stupid** couples' encounter – all that crap you said when we met with Dr. Silver – and I won't _even_ get into your BS in the bedroom!" She was on a rant.

Mike and Carolyn were frozen, their mouths agape in astonishment at Alex's tirade.

Bobby's stomach and heart flip-flopped when she said the words "we're through." All of the other things after that were secondary.

This whole scene occurred in twenty or thirty seconds –and that's about how long it took Bobby to realize what was going on. He knew from their earlier phone conversation that she wasn't pleased about their 'night out.' She was worried about his willpower and commitment to staying sober and she didn't –or couldn't yet—trust him.

He stood calmly and spoke softly. "Isn't that what they say?" he reminded himself. "If you want someone to listen, just whisper."

It took Alex a while to recognize that his mouth was moving –he was talking to her but she wasn't yet hearing because of the noise.

Her eyebrows furrowed as she concentrated on his mouth, trying to lip-read his words.

Finally, enlightenment struck her.

He smiled. He watched her mouth repeat his words: "It's O'Douls."

The anger on her face was fast replaced by a look of embarrassment for the scene she had caused --not to mention the horrible things she has just said to Bobby (in front of Logan and Barek, no less).

She turned and looked at the bottle sitting on the pool table –the detective in her still wanted proof. After seeing the label, she turned back towards Bobby.

By this time, Mike and Carolyn had realized what all the commotion was about.

Mike stepped forward, wearing his typical wise-ass smirk. "Can we get back to the game now?"

Bobby looked at Alex, seeking her decision as to whether they were staying or going.

"Just give us a minute, Mike," Alex said.

She reached for Bobby's hand and towed him back through the now _more_ dense crowd towards the front door.

Once out on the sidewalk, she stood in front of Bobby, feeling both justified and slightly foolish. She forced herself to meet his eyes.

"I owe you an apology," she said, softly, while her hand reached out and played with the buttons on his shirt.

"Are you all right?" he asked, dipping down to examine her face.

She nodded. "When I got here and saw you drinking from a bottle – I just…I dunno'. Since we hung up the phone this afternoon that's all I could _think_ of – 'what am I gonna' find when I get here tonight?' …and when I saw _that_ and thought of everything we've been through the past few months…I just…."

Bobby pulled her close, wrapping her in a hug. He spoke softly, calmly. "You know, this has been our Friday night hang-out for a while now – ever since Logan and Barek joined us at the Squad. It's not fair that anybody should have to change what they like doing just 'cause of me."

Alex nodded, rubbing her cheek against his chest. "I know, but…"

Bobby interrupted. "Alex, we live in New York City. There's not a block I can walk on where I won't pass a bar or a liquor store – so," he chuckled a bit, "if you're not gonna' keep me confined to the bedroom 24/7, you're gonna' have to learn to trust me, okay?"

She let out a sigh and nodded again.

"You wanna' go back inside?" he asked.

"Okay," she smiled up at him. "Let's go have some fun."

She pulled back, trying to break their embrace, but Bobby hadn't yet let go.

"That stuff you said in there –y-you don't _really_ think I was lying about anything I said ab-about the way I _feel_ about you, do you?"

"No," she sheepishly admitted. "I know it's true."

"Good," Bobby said, then placed a kiss on her head. " 'Cause sometime over the weekend –when you're ready—we're gonna' have a long talk." He kissed her head again. "I have some other things I wanna' tell you."

"Why don't you just tell me now?" Alex asked.

"I'll tell you _one_ thing now," he said with a smile.

He took her face in his hands and gazed into her eyes. "I love you."

She laughed. "I thought you were gonna' tell me something I didn't already know," she teased, then stood on tiptoe to reach his lips and kiss him. "I love _you_."

As she lowered herself, once again standing flat, Bobby followed by bending over down to her height. He kissed her again, this time more passionately, deeply. He cradled the back of her head with one large hand, while keeping her mouth firmly locked with his, by his other hand surrounding her jaw.

X X X

Approximately one hundred feet up the block, on the opposite side of the street, a couple stood in the doorway of another popular cop hang-out – a little Italian restaurant named "Ricardo's." The man had been watching Bobby and Alex.

The woman tapped on the man's arm. "Something wrong, Jimmy?"

"Uh, no," he lied. "Just thought I saw somebody I knew."

"Well, c'mon –let's get inside before they give our reservation away," she said, prodding him to move.

It wouldn't have mattered to him now. The silver-haired man had just lost his appetite.

X X X

Once Bobby and Alex were back inside Carucci's, they had a good time shooting pool and joking around with Mike and Carolyn. Alex did notice the fact that Mike had slowed down on his share of drinking, too, and had actually bought everyone a round of Cokes.

After about an hour and a half, they decided they'd get something to eat, so they relinquished the pool table to a couple of guys who were waiting to play.

"Before we eat, I'm gonna' go outside and grab a smoke," Mike announced.

"I'm going to the ladies' room," Carolyn said, "but I'll put our name on the waiting list when I pass the hostess."

Bobby looked at Alex –she couldn't read his face – "Was his looking saying 'curiosity' or 'dare'?"

"Aren't you going with Carolyn? You women always go to the ladies room in two's," he said with a smirk.

"I don't _have to_ go," Alex replied –perhaps a little more curtly than necessary.

"I know what you're thinking," Bobby calmly stated. "You're thinking that with Mike outside and the two of you lost in the ladies room for God knows how long, I'm gonna' go to the bar."

Alex looked at him, feeling defensive but knowing better than to act that way.

But before she could come up with a smart reply, Bobby had decided to 'play nice' and let her off the hook. "I'm gonna' go outside with Mike."

"Well, _don't_ start _smoking_ again, _either_!" Alex teased him.

Bobby chuckled and headed for the door, following close behind Mike. It was a typical remark he'd expect from her – he loved her sense of humor. What was _atypical_ was her lack of trust in him. He felt her eyes upon him as he exited the bar – she had stood watching, to make sure he really left with Mike. "That's okay," he thought to himself; "Trust is something that has to be earned …and I _will_…she'll come around, sooner or later."

Mike held up a cigarette, "You want?"

"No, thanks," Bobby said with a slight nod 'no.'

"Those two take so long in the bathroom, I'll probably have time for two –at least," Mike joked.

Bobby laughed along with him.

"Hey, Goren," Mike said, looking serious.

"Yeah?"

Bobby saw the look on Mike's face. He'd come to know his expressions and moods over the past year. Logan could sometimes be a pain in the ass –but Bobby had genuinely grown to like him and considered him a close friend. He could tell from Mike's face that it wasn't time for a joke.

"I just…wanted to tell ya' – I'm _glad_ you got help."

"Thanks, Mike – me too," Bobby answered sincerely.

"You did it because of Alex? Got help –because of her?"

Bobby nodded. He was unsure if he should even volunteer more information, but decided 'what the hell' –so he answered Mike, "Yeah – I know this is gonna' sound fucked up, but I _drank_ because of her and I _got help_ because of her." Bobby shook his head and let out one of his breathy laughs. "Weird, huh?"

Mike laughed. "Women!" And took another drag from his cigarette.

"I did it for myself, though, too. Ya' gotta' wanna' do it for yourself," Bobby reminded him.

"You must really love her," Mike said.

The tone of his voice led Bobby to believe that Mike wasn't just fishing for information –he was making an observation –seeking affirmation of something he already suspected.

"I do," Bobby answered softly.

Mike turned his head to the left, eyeing Bobby. He dropped the cigarette onto the sidewalk and crushed the butt under his shoe. The last puff of smoke swirled from his lips, wafting in a spiral up into the warm night air.

"I wish my mother would've loved me enough to quit."

Bobby nodded and placed his hand on Mike's shoulder as they headed back inside.

END Chapter Sixteen


	17. Chapter 17

**WHAT KEEPS US TOGETHER?**

**Chapter Seventeen**

It was hot and stuffy in the subway and Alex and Bobby were happy to ascend the steps to street level, back into the refreshing, balmy evening air.

They strolled arm-in-arm, still enjoying this new, romantic sensation of being a couple.

"You sure you don't mind staying at my place?" Alex asked.

Bobby shook his head 'no.' "I don't mind. You've spent enough time at my place since you brought me home last Saturday." He bent to kiss the top of her head.

"I'm pretty sure I still have a pair of your jeans there –and a tee shirt."

"Am I gonna' need 'em?" he teased her, with a sly smile.

She squeezed his side, tugging him closer. "Probably not," she answered, looking up at him with a smile.

Bobby chuckled.

"Come to think of it, those jeans probably won't fit – you _have_ lost weight."

"Well, that's just because of the month of bad 'institution food' – plus the million calories I've saved by not drinkin'," he said with a laugh and squeezed her in return.

"We'll swing by your place tomorrow on our way to Maggie's – remember, we're babysitting Nathan tomorrow night."

"I remembered," Bobby answered with a nod. "How are we getting there?"

"Tommy promised me he'd have the truck ready today. He said he'd leave it parked out front and catch a ride home from Jerry," Alex answered.

As they rounded the corner onto Alex's block, they looked in the distance and, as promised, the black SUV was there.

"Wow, you've really got the guys in maintenance eating outta' your hand," Bobby said, giving her a sly glance. "How'd ya manage that?"

"Krispy Kreme's every Monday morning," Alex smirked.

"What was wrong with it, anyway?" Bobby asked.

"Transmission was slipping," Alex replied, "And it needed new brake pads."

Bobby chuckled and Alex understood – he was mocking her driving technique.

"I'm an _excellent_ driver!" she said, jamming an elbow into his side.

Bobby laughed while yelping "Ouch!" "If you say so, 'rainwoman'," he teased.

X X X

Bobby didn't know why he felt anxious and nervous about entering Alex's apartment. He'd been there a hundred times before, although not in the past four months, during their estrangement and his rehab confinement.

As she turned the key and swung the door open, the familiar scent of the candles and air fresheners she kept instantly calmed him. It was a spicy/sweet mixture of apples and cinnamon and vanilla. He inhaled deeply as he stepped through the foyer into the living room.

Alex turned on the lights and set her purse down in its usual spot.

"Even _that_ hasn't changed," Bobby observed as he walked to the wall unit and looked at her display of photographs.

He was looking for one photo, in particular. The one of he and Alex together at the Policemen's Ball –when she wore that blue dress.

Alex knew what he was doing – every time he came over to her place, he _always_ picked up that picture frame to take a closer look.

"I moved it," She answered –without his even asking where it was.

"Oh," was all he said, then went to sit down on the sofa.

She knew better than anyone how his mind worked. She knew what the brevity and tone of his response meant. It meant, she thought to herself, "Now he's thinking I took his picture down while we were on the "outs" – that I didn't even want to see his face in my apartment." She felt bad for him.

Alex sat on the sofa close to him and ruffled his hair. "I moved it to the nightstand next to my bed," she volunteered with a smile.

"Oh," Bobby said with a smile.

This time, it was a totally different kind of "Oh." Alex sensed his relief.

Bobby put his arm around her. "It's only 10:30," he said.

"Yeah, the night's still young," Alex grinned and snuggled closer. "What've you got in mind?"

"I was thinking we could have that talk now – get it over with and have the rest of the weekend to enjoy," he said with a kiss to her head.

"If that's what you want – go ahead and talk."

The room was silent. Alex sat for a couple of minutes. She contemplated teasing him, but thought better of it. Bobby sounded serious and she knew how he was –he always hesitated, until he had his thoughts in order and was ready to begin speaking. So, instead, she patiently waited.

Finally, his soft voice broke the silence. "I'm sorry I worried you tonight. I didn't mean to make you angry."

"I'm sorry too –I didn't mean to fly off the handle and go c—ballistic on you," Alex apologized, catching her tongue just in time before she said the "C" word. She was ever mindful of the fact that Bobby hated the word "crazy" when talking about people. He had told her about the other kids' teasing him about his mother being 'crazy.' The wounds from his childhood ran deep.

"I understand," he said, squeezing her shoulders tighter. "If I would've told you on the phone this afternoon that I planned on drinking O'Douls tonight, then you wouldn't have been shocked when you saw the bottle in my hand –when you saw me drinking."

She was impressed at how thoughtful he was being in trying to share the blame. "Definitely Dr. Silver's influence," she joked to herself.

"I should've known that Mike and Carolyn would never have let you…"

"It's okay. I just need you to understand some things, all right?" he asked.

Alex nodded, "Go ahead."

"Do you remember I told you that Dr. Silver said he thought my drinking was secondary –that my _real_ problem was being lonely and that I used the drinking to get attention…y-y-_your_ attention?"

"Yes, you told me about that session."

"I want you to know he was right."

Alex let out a sigh. Bobby knew the sound –it meant she didn't agree.

"I don't understand, then, Bobby, because you _always_ got drunk on Friday nights –when you _weren't_ alone—you were out with Mike and Carolyn and me!"

"But I wasn't _'with'_ you," Bobby tried to explain. "Not in the sense we're together –like now."

Alex decided to remain quiet and let him continue.

"I used to look forward to Friday nights all week – b-because it meant I'd get to spend time with you –and it was great at the beginning of the night," Bobby said.

"Uh huh, go on," Alex said.

"I could…let myself _pretend_ that you were there with me –that we were a couple," Bobby said, sounding a bit embarrassed.

Alex rested a hand on his thigh and gave him a squeeze. She knew how hard it was for Bobby for talk and admit emotional things.

"But then as the night went on –when it got closer to being over…time for us to split up and go home our separate ways, _that's_ the part I hated. I just would rather drink myself into oblivion so I wouldn't notice I was home -- alone again…" Bobby let out a deep sigh. "I know it sounds stupid…"

"No it doesn't," Alex tried to assure him. "I'm glad you're telling me this."

"I just don't what I can _say_ to you to make you believe I don't feel the temptation to drink. There're no physical effects of the alcohol left in my system – I'm not craving a drink. Hell! Quitting smoking was harder for me."

"I'm glad you feel that way, Bobby. It helps knowing that you don't feel tempted – but, I guess I just need some time to pass…"

"Until I can _prove_ it to you," he finished her sentence.

He sounded defeated – he knew she wasn't convinced.

Alex sensed his frustration and turned to face him, giving him a hug and kissing his ear and neck. "I know you can do it, Bobby. I know how determined and head-strong you can be."

"Can I tell you something else?" he asked rhetorically. He had every intention of continuing, regardless of her answer.

She held his face in her hands. He could see the sympathy and care in her eyes, before she closed her eyelids and leaned in to kiss him.

"You can tell me _anything_," she answered, when their lips separated.

He gazed into her eyes, stroking her cheek with two fingers. "The look on your face tonight – the look in your eyes when you grabbed that bottle from me and yelled at me…"

"I'm sorry," she whispered, but he quickly slid his fingers over her lips to silence her.

"I saw anger and frustration and disbelief and fear an,an worst of all, disappointment –in me. All the emotions that must've been twisting your mind and your heart and your stomach –they were written all over your face."

Alex stared into his eyes, listening intently, although she didn't know where he was going with it.

"And it struck me at that instant. I had seen all those looks before, dozens and dozens of times. I was a kid again, watching my mother's face -- every time my father came home drunk; too drunk even to eat the nice dinner that she'd gone to the trouble of preparing for us; too drunk to have a normal conversation, or even care enough to ask how her day was or what my brother and I did in school."

Alex raised her hand and caressed his cheek. She knew how hard it was for Bobby to talk about his memories.

But he continued, "The same emotions –even the disgust—were written all over her face. I didn't know what she was feeling when I was a little kid, but I realize it _now_. And the way you looked tonight -- that's how _she_ looked as I'd watch her take the cold plate of food from his spot at the table and cover it in tin foil and place it in the fridge. Her disappointment was almost palpable. And she'd tell my brother and me to finish our homework or get ready for bed. She'd have nothing to look forward to. No husband to talk with, no companionship for the night, no one to snuggle with on the couch," he said and mussed her hair, trying to joke and ease the depressing mood.

"All she had was the worry and fear that the next day would be the same."

Alex held both of his hands, as if giving him strength to go on.

"That's why you _have to_ know, Alex. I _promise_ you, I will _never_ be the cause of putting _any_ of those looks on your face, ever again. You are _not_ going to have the terrible life my mother had. I _absolutely will not_ become like my father. You have my word."

Alex grabbed Bobby into a hug, wetting his cheeks with her tears. She kissed him over and over again –his head, his ear, his neck. "I'm _so_ proud of you," she murmured in between kisses. "I l_ove_ you."

"I love you," Bobby replied in kind. "But I'm still waiting to hear one more thing."

"What? I'll tell you anything."

"Tell me you believe me," he whispered. "I _need_ you to _believe in me_."

"I believe you…I believe you," she whispered in his ear.

He hugged her tightly, running his fingers through her hair as he continued kissing her. Then, breathless and urgent, he whispered, "Let's go to bed."

X X X

The weekend flew by. Bobby didn't mind heading back to work on Monday. It meant he was just one week away from having Alex back with him at Major Case.

Mike joined him in the corner, asking how his weekend went, as he poured himself a cup of what they tried to pass off as coffee.

"It was great," Bobby replied happily.

"How 'bout you? You and Carolyn…?" Bobby merely raised his eyebrows to suggest the rest of his question.

"Nah," Mike sighed. "Got a helluva 'good night' kiss, though," he said with a smile.

"It's a start," Bobby said, trying to offer encouragement.

"Catch ya' later," Mike said as he headed towards Carolyn's desk. "Lunch at the Crossroads?" Mike yelled back over his shoulder.

"Sure!" Bobby called after him. "One o'clock?"

Mike continued walking and flashed Bobby a 'thumbs up' to signify his agreement to the appointed time.

Bobby walked back to his desk, still stirring his coffee.

He looked up and saw Captain Deakins approaching from the main corridor, walking at his usual brisk pace. As Deakins neared, Bobby smiled, "Good morning, Captain."

The Captain breezed by Bobby, head down, without returning the greeting. All he muttered was, "Goren –my office –now."

_END_ Chapter Seventeen


	18. Chapter 18

**WHAT KEEPS US TOGETHER?**

**Chapter Eighteen**

Bobby froze at the Captain's tone – it could mean only one thing: trouble.

Bobby stepped towards his desk to place his coffee mug down. Although sometimes he and Alex would bring their cups when meeting with the Captain, it was obvious from the sound of Deakins' voice that _this_ meeting was not going to be a coffee-social chat.

He glanced at the Captain's office and saw him hang his suit jacket on the coat tree behind the door, then head for his desk.

Bobby had to think –_fast_. He couldn't imagine anything work related that he'd be in trouble for; he'd only been back one week and had done nothing but paperwork.

"That leaves something _outside_ of work," Bobby's mind raced. "Oh, damn…I wonder if somebody at Carucci's saw me drinkin' on Friday night and didn't realize it was O'Douls and reported back…no, no, that can't be it," he muttered to himself, dismissing the possibility of that scenario.

"Nobody else even _knows_ I'm _not supposed to be_ drinking, except for the Captain, Logan, Barek and Alex," Bobby reasoned, nervously running a hand through his wavy hair.

"Oh, shit! Alex!" he exclaimed to himself. "What if somebody saw Alex and me…?"

Bobby grabbed the receiver of his desk phone and pressed Deakins' intercom extension.

X X X

Captain Deakins, who was growing impatient waiting for Bobby, snatched up his phone and barked, "What is it?"

"Um, Captain," Bobby said softly, "I know you wanted to see me right away, b-but I was wondering if I could have a few minutes…"

Deakins abruptly interrupted, "What for?"

"I, um, I'm supposed to report in to my AA sponsor first thing in the morning," Bobby practically whispered his lie. Obviously, he _really didn't_ want anyone surrounding his desk to overhear the comment, but also hoped that his soft, humble tone would disarm the Captain a bit.

Deakins hesitated for just a moment. "All right. You've got five minutes."

"Than--" Bobby tried to reply, but was cut off as Deakins slammed his phone down and cut Bobby off.

Bobby briskly headed to the nearby conference room for privacy, while grabbing his cell phone from his pocket.

X X X

"You can't miss me, already," Alex's voice joked as she answered her cell phone.

"Look, there could be trouble," Bobby warned.

"What d'ya mean? What's up?"

"Deakins is on the warpath about something. He didn't even say hello to me when he got here. He just ordered me into his office."

"Damn, Bobby, what did you do?" Alex asked, with growing concern in his voice.

"Look, I don't know what it's about, but if he brings up anything about _us, _I'm denying it, okay?"

"Gee, thanks," Alex teased.

"Eames!" Bobby exclaimed urgently, "I can't think of anything wrong that I did _here_. I think maybe somebody spotted us outside Carucci's Friday night and word got back to him."

"Oh shit," Alex answered.

Bobby heard the dread in her voice and was glad that she understood the seriousness of the situation. "Look, if anybody contacts you or mentions it, just deny everything and _stick _to it, okay?"

"Okay," she assured.

"I've gotta get in there. I'll call you later."

"Okay," Alex said. "I'm glad I'm here in Newark," she tried to joke and ease the tension. "Good luck."

Bobby flipped his phone closed and headed towards Deakins' office.

"Great way to start a Monday," Bobby moaned to himself.

X X X

Bobby reached the Captain's office and paused by the doorway, gingerly knocking, then stepping in.

"Close the door and sit down," Deakin's snapped.

Bobby did as he was told and sat, directly across from the Captain.

Deakins put his pen down on his blotter and leaned back in his chair. "How long has it been?" He asked flatly.

"H-how long?" Bobby repeated, raising his eyebrows as if he didn't understand.

"You and Eames. How long?"

"Five years," Bobby answered matter-of-factly, with a wave of his hand.

"Don't get smart with me Goren," the Captained warned. "I know you've been _partners_ for five years. How long have you been lovers?"

"Lov…lovers!" Bobby stuttered, forcing an overreaction of surprise at the Captain's question. He chuckled and wiped a hand over his face. "Eames?"

"You think it's funny, Bobby? It's not," Deakins answered gruffly.

"Eames and I aren't--" Bobby attempted to explain.

Deakins' hand flew up in a "halt" gesture, stopping Bobby's words in their tracks. "Don't even _try_ to deny it," the Captain warned. "I saw you with my own eyes – Friday night. You know the rules. You're busted."

Bobby was sticking to his 'innocent' routine, exaggerating the indignance in his voice. "I don't know what you saw –or think you saw, sir, but Eames and I _aren't_ …"

But the Captain cut him off mid-sentence, again. "The _only_ thing you and Eames '_aren't_' – is _partners_ –as of right now," Deakins said, slamming his hand down on his desk for effect.

Bobby's jaw dropped in disbelief.

"Get back to work and send Logan in here."

Bobby stood abruptly and stormed towards the door. He opened more forcefully than necessary –showing his temper—and sent the blinds clattering against the glass.

This was by no means over. But Bobby was smart enough to realize that 'now' was not the time to continue his discussion with Deakins. He'd seen the Captain like this just a handful of times over the years –and knew that his 'bark' and his 'bite' were equally bad.

He headed for the elevator, once again grabbing his cell phone. He needed Alex.

END Chapter Eighteen

**A/N: Wanted to update sooner, but didn't have a moment to spare all weekend. My school writing assignment is due on the 14th and I haven't even begun yet  **


	19. Chapter 19

**WHAT KEEPS US TOGETHER?**

**Chapter Nineteen**

Bobby was rattled by Deakins' tirade; so much so that as he strode down the corridor to the elevator, he almost forgot the Captain's order to have Logan report to him. All he could think of was talking to Alex. He backtracked to the conference room he had just passed by, where Logan and Barek hovered over the desk examining the evidence in their latest case.

"Mike!" Bobby barked, getting Logan's attention. "Deakins wants to see ya," he said, motioning with his thumb back towards the Captain's office.

Mike stood and arched his back, getting the kinks out.

"What'd ya do now?" Carolyn asked, teasing him.

"Nothing," Logan answered innocently, shrugging his shoulders as he meandered through the doorway.

Bobby continued on his way, in the opposite direction.

X X X

"You wanted to see me, Captain?" Mike asked, just poking his head in Deakins' office.

Deakins waved Mike in. "Close the door. Have a seat."

Mike walked slowly to the chairs in front of the Captain's desk and cautiously lowered himself into a seat. "Look, Captain," he said, "If this is about that broken windshield on the Councilman's car…"

Deakins held up a hand, interrupting him. "I don't know anything about that – and I don't _want _to," the Captain said. "Are you and Barek close to wrapping up the Covington case?"

"It's comin' along," Mike said, now relaxing a bit in his chair. "A couple more days of leg work and paperwork should do it."

"Good," Deakins said. "Let Goren help you out with that. Once Alex is back next Monday, she'll be paired up with Carolyn – you've got Goren," the Captain stated, while signing some paperwork.

"Wha--? Why?" Mike asked in disbelief. "You can't do that to them!"

Deakins glared at Logan with annoyance. He tapped his pen on the nameplate near the edge of his desk. "Last time I checked, this said 'Captain'. I can and I did." He returned his attention to his paperwork.

"But, they've been partners for five years! You can't _do_ that to 'em!" Logan pressed on. "Besides, why do _I_ get stuck with the big pain in the ass?"

The Captain dropped his pen on his blotter and looked Mike squarely in the eyes. "It's Goren or a one-way ticket on the Staten Island Ferry," he threatened. "Take your choice."

Mike threw up his hands in defeat. "The pain in the ass it is, then."

"Wise choice," Deakins answered. "You can get back to work."

Logan stood and headed for the door. He really didn't understand what was going on, but knew it must've been something 'big' to force the Captain's hand to take such drastic action. Not phased at being 'on thin ice' with his superiors, Mike turned as he reached for the door handle.

"Captain?"

Deakins huffed. "What is it, Logan?"

"Does Goren know yet that you're breakin' them up?"

"I just told him. Why?" Deakins said.

Mike shifted on his feet, "Well, it's just that –ya know—with his _just_ getting back to work," Mike said, alluding to Bobby's recent stint in rehab in a round-about way, "This might send him on a binge."

Deakins' face grew concerned. "Did he say anything to you?"

"No," Logan answered. "No, I just figured he'd be upset. They're pretty tight. They've been together a long time."

Deakins grabbed his phone and punched Bobby's extension. After several rings and no answer, he pressed the button to disconnect the call, but kept the receiver in his hands, gripping it nervously.

"My mother was a drinker," Logan told the Captain. "It never took much to set her off," he said, raising his eyebrows, giving Deakins food for thought.

"I get the picture," the Captain said, mildly annoyed –not at Mike but at himself. The last thing he wanted was to be the cause of Bobby's 'falling off the wagon.' He began dialing Bobby's cell number. It went straight to voicemail.

"See if you can find him, Mike."

"Sure thing," Logan said and quickly left Deakins' office.

X X X

Bobby handed the clerk a ten-dollar bill, took the paper bag from the counter, stuffed the change in his left front pocket and left the store.

Logan exited the lobby of One PP. He put on his sunglasses and scoured the pedestrian traffic, hoping to spot his new partner. A bus was obstructing his view, but when it finally pulled away from the curb, he saw Bobby– diagonally crossing the street – from the direction of the 'Paradise Liquors' store.

Mike walked towards the curb to intercept Bobby. In an instant, he snatched the brown paper bag from Bobby's hand.

"Oh no you don't!" Logan said.

Bobby looked at him, stunned. "What the hell is your problem, Logan?" he demanded.

Logan snapped back, as he began unrolling the top of the bag to examine the contents. "_I_ don't have a problem. You're the one with the 'problem,' remember?" he asked sarcastically. "I promised Alex I'd keep an eye on you and I'm not gonna let you—"

Bobby snatched the bag back from Logan's hand. "You're not gonna let me _what_?" Bobby asked with a tone of daring in his voice. He dug his huge hand into the bag, almost ripping the sides as he pulled out his purchases. "You're not gonna let me drink Snapple and eat a brownie!"

Mike wiped the beads of perspiration from his forehead and broke into a smile. His shoulders relaxed and shook as he laughed at the bottle of Orange-Ade and half-squished brownie dangling from Bobby's hand.

"That brownie cost me two bucks," Bobby said with a scowl. "I should kick your ass." He stuffed his breakfast back in the bag.

Mike placed a hand on Bobby's shoulder as they headed back towards the office. "Is that any way to talk to your new partner?" he teased.

Bobby shot him a sideways glance.

"Deakins just told me," he offered. "It's you and me and Carolyn and Alex –once she's back on Monday."

Bobby ran a hand through his hair and let out a heavy sigh.

"But he didn't tell me why," Logan said, trying to pry for the reason.

Bobby steered them towards a low retaining wall and took a seat. "He says he saw me and Alex –last Friday night."

Mike looked at Bobby – nothing 'bad' registered with him, because Mike didn't know _exactly_ what happened outside Carucci's.

"He saw me and Alex –kissing," Bobby elaborated.

"Good move, Goren," Mike said, scolding him. "Makin' out with your partner with two thousand cops in the neighborhood -- that's the kinda' shit that happens when ya think with the wrong 'head.'

Bobby shot Logan a disapproving frown at his uncouth remark.

"Look at me all you want," Mike said, taking a long drag from his cigarette. "It's the truth."

Bobby sat, silently thinking for a minute or two.

"Ya' know, this might work out," Mike said, trying to sound optimistic. "If teaming you and me up is gonna satisfy Deakins and keep him off your backs, then what the heck? You and Alex can still be together all you want when you're off duty."

Bobby tried to manage a smile. He appreciated Logan's efforts. "Thanks, Mike, but umm…"

"I know, I know," Mike said, understanding. "You have a long history –you work well together." He dropped his cigarette and crushed the butt under his heel.

"Come to think of it, I've grown pretty fond of Barek," Mike admitted. "But I'm not gonna go kissing her in public," Logan added, unable to resist the urge to tease Bobby.

"C'mon, let's get back," Bobby said, standing up from their makeshift seat and grabbing his bag. "I'm gonna see if the Captain's cooled down yet."

"You're a brave man," Logan teased.

Bobby shook he had slightly, 'no.' "I just want my partner back."

END Chapter Nineteen


	20. Chapter 20

**WHAT KEEPS US TOGETHER?**

**Chapter Twenty**

Bobby and Mike re-entered the squad room, just in time to catch the tail end of Deakins chewing somebody out over the phone and slamming down the receiver.

"I don't think it's the right time yet," Mike smirked.

"Yeah," Bobby agreed, letting out a sigh, "I'll wait 'til later." He settled behind his desk, giving a quick glimpse at Alex's empty desk.

"The Captain says you can help Barek and me finish up the loose ends on the Covington case; I'll bring ya' the files."

Bobby nodded, "Great – more paperwork."

Logan smiled and headed back towards Barek and the conference room where they'd been working.

Captain Deakins peered through the blinds of his office door and saw Bobby back at his desk, calmly reading a file. He picked up his phone and dialed the intercom number to the conference room.

"Logan."

"Was he all right when you found him?" Deakins asked.

"Oh, yeah," Mike answered. "Just went out to get some air and something to eat."

"Okay. Keep an eye on him," the Captain instructed.

"Don't worry – Eames already has be on the job," Mike answered with a soft chuckle and hung up the phone.

"You want to tell me what's going on here this morning?" Carolyn asked, without bothering to look up from the file she was reading.

"Deakins saw the two of them Friday night –kissing outside Carucci's."

Carolyn pushed the file aside and leaned forward on her elbows, brushing the end of her pen across her lips. "Well, _that_ explains his mood today. What's he gonna do?"

"Already did it. Only thing he could do," Mike answered. "He split 'em up."

Carolyn's eyes grew wide. "Go on."

"When Alex gets back on Monday, she's _your_ new partner. I've got the big guy," Mike almost groaned.

Carolyn fought back a smile at the thought of the new pairings. "Does _he_ know yet?"

"Yeah, he knows," Mike said, grabbing his coffee mug while trying to balance a huge stack of files in his arm. He headed for the door. "This should keep him busy for a while," Mike gloated happily at the thought of dumping their paperwork on Bobby, as he headed for the door.

"Better him than us," Carolyn smiled, but instantly felt a twinge of guilt. "Hey Logan!" she called as he reached the doorway.

Mike spun around and tossed his head up, silently asking "What?"

"Give the guy a break, huh? Try not to rub it in."

Mike smiled and nodded and walked towards Bobby's desk.

Bobby was just hanging up from a phone call as Mike reached his desk. Mike assumed he'd been talking with Alex or that it was something work related.

Mike placed his coffee down on Alex's desk, needing two hands to deposit the stack of files in front of Bobby. "Sorry, man," he said, shaking his head. "Captain's orders."

"It's okay," Bobby answered. "We, umm, we better just get to work," he said, with a quick glance towards Deakins' office. "We still 'on' for lunch at one?"

"Yeah, sure," Mike said, as he grabbed his mug and headed back towards Barek.

X X X

Almost an hour had passed and during that time, Captain Deakins had been intermittently checking on his big Detective, peeking from his office windows to see how Bobby was doing.

At every interval, he found Bobby still seated at his desk, calmly and efficiently working his way through the stack of files that Logan had given him. He even once saw Bobby sharing a laugh with Det. Morris. After the reprimand the Captain had dished out earlier that morning, it wasn't what he expected.

Deakins thought to himself, "The 'old Bobby,' the Bobby I knew a month ago, would've been glaring at people, stomping around, slamming things –or would have just taken off and avoided the situation." Jimmy sighed and ran a hand through his silver hair. "But, there he is –calm. Doing his paperwork as he was told to. Talking and laughing with Dave Morris."

Bobby's demeanor and behavior had the Captain curious. He picked up his phone.

"Goren," Bobby answered.

"Come to my office," Deakins said.

"Yes, sir."

Bobby walked to Deakins' office and opened the door. "Yes, sir?"

"Close the door. Have a seat," the Captain said.

Bobby couldn't help but notice the less aggressive tone in the Captain's voice. He rounded the office and reclaimed the chair he'd occupied earlier that morning.

Deakins readjusted himself in his chair. "I thought you'd be back in here sooner," he said.

Bobby raised his eyebrow, "Sooner?"

"Yeah, sooner." A slight smile upturned the Captain's lips.

It didn't go unnoticed by Bobby. He relaxed a bit.

"Yelling, pounding your fist on the desk – demanding your partner back," Deakins said.

"I, um, I did plan on asking to speak with you –l-l-later, sir," Bobby answered softly. "After you c-calmed down."

"I've got the Chief of D's and the Mayor's Office down my back today," Deakins scowled. "I think this is as calm as I'm gonna _get_."

Bobby nodded, empathetically; acknowledging the pressure the Captain was under, but remained silent.

"So, what did you plan on talking with me about?"

"Y-you know," Bobby answered, his head tilted slightly to one side, eyebrows furrowed.

"The reassignment. Sorry, Bobby. My decision stands."

"Will you just hear me out, sir?" Bobby asked, still calm.

Deakins raised his hand, giving Bobby a silent "go ahead."

"First of all," Bobby began, "I want to apologize for lying to you earlier – when I tried to deny it – when I said that Alex and I aren't…" his voice trailed off.

He had Deakins' full attention now. This was something new: Bobby. Apologizing.

"But it's not like you probably think."

"Go on," Deakins said.

"We know you've heard the rumors –_everybody _has, for _years_. But the fact is, this is something new for us. We only…" Bobby hesitated, searching for the right words. "We only really became a _couple_…well…a couple of weeks ago."

Bobby had spoken it. The truth was out.

The Captain looked at him, skeptically. Bobby had no trouble 'reading' his expression.

"It-it's true, Captain. While I was at Fair Oaks. She visited a few times and, um, my doctor, Dr. Silver, he thought it would be a good idea if Alex, um…participated in some counseling with me."

Deakins was very interested now. He'd never seen Bobby so forthcoming.

"Go on," the Captain encouraged Bobby again to continue his story.

"An-an-and during these sessions, things were…revealed."

"That you're in love with each other," Deakins stated more than asked.

"Well, that's just _it_," Bobby said, now more excited –animated like he usually spoke. "That's why it shouldn't make a difference if you keep us as partners."

He edged forward in his chair, leaning forward as if it would help him prove his point. "We've _been_ in love with each other whole time, practically – over four years – and it hasn't adversely affected our work. If anything, its helped it. We're a great team."

Deakins couldn't deny that. Every case solved and successful ending that Goren and Eames had attained had reflected well on the Captain, too, and reinforced his good status with the brass.

"What's the difference, then? Just because now we say 'I love you' to one another out loud? We've been _feeling_ it all along."

Deakins leaned back in his chair with a sigh. "He definitely has a point, there," the Captain though to himself.

Bobby was on a roll, now, fighting for his team. Wanting to remind the Captain again, he added "Eames and I have a great reputation, Captain. We have the highest 'solve rate' of anybody in Major Case – maybe even the whole Department."

"I know, Bobby, I know." Deakins let out another deep sigh. "You and Eames aren't the only problem, though. I'm not the only one who saw you two."

"Somebody's forcing you to do this?" Bobby asked, his face awash with new concern. "Is _that_ what the Chief of D's is on your back about today?"

"No, no, something else," Deakins said, momentarily distracted by thinking about his other problem.

"Who else saw?" Bobby asked

"Somebody high up," was all Deakins offered.

Bobby shifted uncomfortably in his chair. "C-captain, can I talk to you?"

"We _have_ been, I thought," Deakins answered with a bit of sarcasm.

"No, I mean –off the record. _Man-to-man_…_friends_," Bobby emphasized."

"Sure," Deakins answered, growing ever more intrigued –and a little nervous— by this "new" Bobby that sat before him.

"I've…I've always loved my job," Bobby began. "It's the best job in the world, f-for me."

Deakins nodded.

"But it's all I've ever had," Bobby said, twisting his fingers nervously, as he always did.

"You know about my childhood—my father an-and my mom," Bobby said, eyes downcast, his voice trailing off softly. "You know all the partners that came and went."

Deakins watched the big man across his desk. He'd never heard Bobby baring so much of himself.

"But now I have Alex," Bobby said, unable to fight the smile that overtook his lips just at speaking her name. "I _finally_ have everything I ever wanted in life –and I'm gonna be forty-six years old in a couple of months – **_forty-six,"_** he reiterated with extra emphasis, shaking his head in disbelief. "And _finally_, I'm not alone anymore. _Finally_, I'm happy."

Deakins rubbed his hands over his face and rubbed his temples, as if massaging away headache. He hoped his fingers hid the moistness in his eyes while he composed himself.

Bobby, of course, was too observant for the Captain's own good. He knew his words had touched him.

"Lemme' see what I can do," Deakins said with a sigh. "But I can't promise you anything," he warned, regretfully. "You can get back to work."

"Thank you, Captain."

Bobby stood and left Deakins' office. As soon as he reached his desk, he picked up his phone and hit the "redial" button.

"Yes, can you connect me to Dr. Silver's office? Thank you."

X X X

Deakins watched the big Detective walking back to his desk. He shook his head, "Shit. I think I want the 'old Bobby' back," he laughed and teased himself.

The Captain grabbed his phone.

"I.A.D. Captain McClaren's office. May I help you?"

"Hiya Trish. Jimmy Deakins. Is Jack in?"

"Oh, hi captain. Yes, he's in the office today, but just went down to the cafeteria. You just missed him by a minute."

"Okay, thanks. I'll catch up with him there."

X X X

Deakins spotted Jack McClaren selecting his lunch, and inched beside him in line.

McClaren sensed the presence next to him. He had a suspicion about who it might be. He smiled when, from the corner of his eye, he caught a glimpse of silver hair.

Without looking up, McClaren smugly said, "What took you so long?"

Deakins shook his head. "Been expecting me, huh?" he said with a nervous laugh.

"Actually, I thought you'd call me over the weekend," McClaren laughed.

Deakins selected a turkey sandwich and a chocolate pudding and followed McClaren down the line, grabbing a Snapple raspberry iced tea along the way.

"You can ring these up together," McClaren told the cashier.

"Thanks," Deakins smiled.

The two Captains selected a table in the far corner, surrounded by empty tables. Both of them knew this was going to be a quiet, private conversation.

Once settled in their seats, Deakins twisted the cap from his Snapple bottle, while McClaren bit into his pickle, making a loud crunch.

"So, you do anything yet?" McClaren asked.

"Only thing I could do," Deakins answered. "And I feel like shit about it," he scowled, then took a bite of his sandwich.

"Not on my account, I hope," McClaren said.

The remark caught Deakin's attention. His eyes shot up to examine McClaren's face.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean," McClaren said, pausing for a second to use his napkin, "You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. Don't do anything on account of me."

"You and your wife were in the window seat at Ricardo's on Friday night. I know you saw what you saw."

McClaren smiled and sipped his drink. "We go way back, Jimmy. The Academy – thirty years."

Deakins smiled and laughed. "Feels like sixty, sometimes."

It was McClaren's turn to laugh. "Yeah, you, me, Cragen and Kowalski," he said shaking his head, momentarily lost in the memory of their youth.

"Yeah, 'the fantastic four,' Deakins said, recalling their self-appointed nickname when they were all eager, young guns.

"Look, Jimmy," McClaren said, leaning over just for the effect of more privacy – still no one was seated by them. "You never tried to tell me how to run Internal Affairs. I ain't telling you how to run Major Case."

"You're serious?" Deakins asked softly, delaying another bite of his sandwich. He wanted confirmation.

"Look, the way I see it, you don't rock the boat. You've got a good thing goin' upstairs." (Alluding to M.C.S. being located on the 11th floor, while I.A.D. was below it, on the 7th).

Jimmy nodded in concurrence.

"I'm not saying you shouldn't give 'em a good talking to. From here on out, they better make _damn sure_ they keep their private affairs _private_."

"I already talked to Goren," Deakins said, taking another drink. "Eames has been out on assignment in Newark. She's due back Monday."

"Well, again, Jimmy, I'm not telling you what to do," McClaren reasserted. "Give it some time. If the rumors and scuttlebutt start flyin' –if somebody comes forward with _proof_ and your hand in the matter is forced, _then_ do what you've gotta do. Until then, just keep ignoring the rumors, like we've been doing for years."

Deakins looked at McClaren. "You've heard 'em too?"

"_Everybody_ at One PP has."

Deakins finished his pudding and pushed his tray aside. "Thanks, Jack," he said with an appreciative smile.

"No problem. You'd be crazy to split them up. With their solve rate and the track record they earned for Major Case, they're _your_ ticket to being named Chief of D's some day," McClaren said with a wink.

Deakins smiled and stood up, taking his and Jack's trays to the trash. "Thanks, Jack. And thanks for lunch."

"You bet."

X X X

On the elevator ride back upstairs, Deakins had thought for a moment of making Bobby squirm for a few days until Alex got back. But when he thought about what Bobby had said earlier, he didn't have the heart to make him "suffer" one second more than necessary.

As he turned the main corridor and entered the squad room, he saw Bobby's desk was empty. He checked his watch, 12:45.

On the way to his office, Deakins was intercepted by one of the staff secretaries, Dawn, who handed him a stack of phone messages.

"Thanks," Deakins mumbled as he sifted through the stack and continued on the path to his office. "Mayor…Commissioner…Mayor…Chief of D's," he recited, noting the "subject" line on each message: "Re: Detective Logan."

Deakins sat and reached into his desk draw –time for a double dose—Excedrin _and _Rolaids. He picked up his phone.

"Logan. My office."

Barek watched as Logan rolled his eyes and stood. "I'll be right back – I hope."

Barek smiled and checked the clock on the wall. "If you're not back by one, I'll meet Bobby at the elevators and we'll meet _you_ at The Crossroads."

Logan nodded.

"You want me to order your usual?" She called after him.

"Sure. The usual's fine."

X X X

Logan reached Deakins office. "You wanted to see me, Captain?"

"Close the door. Have a seat."

Logan swung the door closed. "You ever get tired of saying that?" he joked, as he sat before the Captain's desk.

"I do, as a matter of fact."

Logan smiled.

"Where's Bobby?" Deakins asked.

"Down at the lab, picking up the last report in the Covington case."

Deakins nodded.

"All right. Out with it."

"Out with what?" Logan asked, confused.

Deakins held up his stack of phone messages. "The Mayor, the Commissioner and the Chief of D's. Again." He said with annoyance. "I know I told you before I didn't want to hear it, but I guess you'd better tell me."

Logan's eyes looked skyward, as if seeking Divine help. He let out a long sigh as his shoulders slumped.

"Exactly what _did_ happen to the Councilman's windshield?"

END Chapter Twenty


	21. Chapter 21

**WHAT KEEPS US TOGETHER?**

**Chapter Twenty One**

Bobby hadn't talked much during lunch. He hadn't eaten much either, and Mike and Carolyn couldn't help but notice. They both knew how upset he must have felt. He had spoken with Alex during his lunch hour, but she had to get to a meeting, so their conversation was brief.

The elevator ride back up to the 11th floor was quiet, until Bobby finally spoke.

"I finished all the paperwork on Covington. Anything else I can help you with?"

"You can take a ride with us to Chelsea Piers. We've got a witness to interview on the Kyle homicide," Carolyn said, while Mike shot her a 'dirty' look.

"Umm, thanks," Bobby said, "But I guess I'll just stay here. Maybe the Captain will have something for me."

"Suit yourself," Logan answered.

Once back at the Squad Room, Mike and Carolyn gathered their paperwork on the Kyle file and headed out.

Captain Deakins spotted Bobby back at his desk and watched.

Bobby sat, elbows on his desk; his chin resting on his massive, folded hands. He was lost in thought – staring at Alex's empty desk but not really seeing anything. The buzz of his intercom startled him back to reality.

"Goren," he answered. His voice was so soft it was barely audible.

"Bobby, can I see ya a minute?"

"I'll be right there."

There was no anger in Deakins' tone, but Bobby didn't want to presume that that meant good news.

He steeled himself with a deep breath as he walked towards the Captain's office, noticing by quick glances to his left and right that the rest of the guys in the Squad Room were watching him. He assumed that by now, everyone knew of the split-up – or if they didn't, they were at least curious as to why the Captain kept summoning him to his office so many times today.

"Yes, sir?"

"Close the door, Bobby," the Captain said softly. Deakins gestured, extending his arm, offering Bobby a seat.

The Captain watched Bobby settle his large frame into the chair, shifting uncomfortably. He looked tired; worried; defeated.

Bobby's head hung down; he nervously entwined his fingers as he waited to hear the bad news.

"Bobby."

The Captain waited until Bobby raised his head, so he could look at his eyes.

Bobby looked up; a huge sigh raising, then sinking, across his chest and shoulders.

"Everything's gonna be okay," Deakins smiled.

Bobby's head perked up further. His face brightened.

"You'll have Eames back on Monday." The Captain's smile grew wider.

"Really?" Bobby's face lit up with a grin.

Deakins nodded. "Look, just – **_in the future_** – save your affection for _behind_ closed doors. Got it?"

"Yes, Sir," Bobby smiled. "Thank you Captain."

Bobby began rising from his chair, assuming that their meeting was over.

Deakins held his hand up, "Just a second, have a seat."

The smile left Bobby's face as he thought to himself, "Now what?"

Deakins easily read the look on Bobby's face and smiled, "Don't worry, no more bad news. I just want to talk."

Bobby nodded, "Oh, okay," he answered with a nervous laugh.

"I umm, I see a big change in you Bobby. A change for the better."

Bobby smiled. "Thanks," he answered shyly. "Alex said so, too."

"It's because of the rehab?" Deakins asked.

"I suppose," Bobby answered.

"Care to elaborate?" The Captain asked. He didn't want to pressure Bobby into answering things about his personal life, but he was genuinely curious as to how this apparent 180 turn in Bobby's behavior and attitude came about.

Bobby fidgeted a bit in his seat, until he found the right words to answer.

"Well, I guess –you know, the drinking is what _got_ me there, but…" He hesitated, running a hand through his hair, coming to rest on the back of his neck.

"Go on, 'but' what?" Deakins asked.

"The drinkin' was actually the least of my problems. I, um, I had other problems _long before_ that, that needed to be addressed."

Deakins was surprised he'd gotten _that much_ from Bobby. He wasn't going to prod him again, to continue. As he was just about to tell Bobby he could go, Bobby continued speaking.

"My psychiatrist there, Dr. Silver –we spent hours talking about my childhood, my feelings for Alex – my umm, my problems with authority…" his eyes looked downward as his voice softly trailed off.

The last comment brought a smile to the Captain's lips. He let out a soft chuckle.

"Well, I appreciate your telling me, but I didn't mean to pry…"

"It-it's okay –it's part of my ongoing 'therapy' –I'm supposed to communicate better and verbalize my thoughts and feelings instead of internalizing them," he answered, shrugging his shoulders slightly.

"Well, I appreciate your candidness. You handled yourself well, today, Bobby."

Bobby smiled and again, got up from his seat.

"Why don't you get outta' here for the rest of the afternoon –you've had a pretty rough day," Deakins smiled.

Bobby turned when he reached the doorway. "Really?"

The Captain nodded, still smiling.

"Captain?"

Deakins tossed his head, indicating for Bobby to continue.

"Th-that stuff I told you, that's ju-just between us, 'off the record' – man-to-man, right?"

Deakins shook his head back and forth slightly, indicating 'no.'

Bobby's eyes widened in shock, until he saw the Captain's smile.

Deakins' smile grew wider, "Friend-to-friend."

Bobby turned, again, to leave the office, then spun back. "Captain?"

"What now?" Deakins teased.

"Th-the other person who saw Alex and me?" Bobby's eyebrows raised hopefully.

"Nobody saw anything," Deakins reminded him playfully.

"Gotcha," Bobby answered, understanding the Captain's meaning. If nobody _saw_ anything, then nobody was obligated to _report_ anything.

Bobby swung the door open as Deakins spoke, grabbing his attention once again.

"If ya ever run into Captain McClaren, be real nice, huh?" Deakins said with a sly grin.

Bobby smiled and nodded. He had his answer.

Bobby walked back to his desk, unable to contain his smile. It felt like the weight of the world had been lifted from him. He grabbed his leather portfolio from his desk and headed for home.

X X X

Alex groaned as she dragged herself up the final flight of stairs. It was almost 7:00 p.m. She had had another awful commute and was glad that only four days remained to her assignment in Newark.

"I already thought my day sucked," she complained to herself. "Now I'm gonna have to call Bobby and deal with _that_ whole mess, too," she groaned, frowning.

As she approached her apartment door, the wonderful aromas of an Italian dinner filled her nose. "Arrggh, I'm too tired to cook," she said to herself as she put the key in lock and unlatched the dead bolt. "Maybe Bobby will settle for Chinese again."

As she opened the door, she noticed the lights on; heard music from her stereo. The scents of tomato and basil and garlic filled her nose. She smiled and inhaled deeply as she made her way to the kitchen.

"Hey you!" she said cheerily, watching Bobby as he removed a loaf of garlic bread from the oven.

He spun around, surprised to see her, and smiled. "Hi! I guess the music's a little too loud – I didn't hear the door open."

She walked closer to kiss him 'hello.' "I wasn't expecting this tonight. Thank you!"

He bent to kiss her and wrapper her in a tight hug, lifting her off the floor and inch or two. "I hope ya don't mind – I used my key."

"The Captain sent me home early, so I figured…" Bobby began explaining as he put her down and ended their embrace.

"Why?" She asked. "What did you _do_?"

He let out one of breathy chuckles, laughing and talking at the same time. "I didn't _do_ anything," he said. "The Captain said I had rough day, so he let me go home early."

Alex eyed him skeptically.

"What you looking at?" Bobby asked indignantly. "It's the truth." He stared back at her.

"What are _you_ looking at?" Alex turned the question on him.

"My partner."

His answer didn't sink in. Alex continued looking at him, while he stood waiting for her to catch on –he knew she always did, eventually.

Finally, he saw the recognition on her face. He smiled

"Bobby, are you serious?" she asked with hopeful excitement.

He smiled and nodded his head, then stepped forward, swept her into another hug and whispered in her ear, "He's letting us stay together." He then kissed her ear and neck, causing her to squirm in his arms.

"Bobby! Stop that! You've giving me goose bumps all down my arm and leg!"

He kept blowing softly in her ear, increasing her shivers. He again whispered to her, a warning, "If you keep squirming against me like that, I'm gonna have to carry you straight to the bedroom and dinner's gonna burn."

"Tell me, Bobby. Tell me how you did it!"

"Okay, I'll tell you all about it while we eat," he acquiesced while releasing her.

"I'll finish setting the table," Alex offered. "What's on the menu?" she asked, while opening the silverware drawer. "It smells great!"

Bobby stood in front of the stove, stirring the sauce, and dropped in another fresh leaf of basil. "Stuffed shells, meatballs, garlic bread and a nice salad," he smiled, proud of his culinary efforts. "I made the dressing myself."

"Sounds delicious," Alex smiled at him. "I'm famished. Liv and I didn't eat –we ran errands, instead."

Alex reached into the cabinet and took out two tall tumblers for their iced tea.

Bobby noticed her selection of glasses and shrugged, "Sorry, no wine with dinner," he smiled and winked

X X X

They sat and leisurely enjoyed their meal while Bobby recounted the entire day's events to Alex. Once through eating and doing the dishes, they settled on the couch in front of the TV. Bobby sat, comfortably leaning against a pile of pillows, with Alex nestled between his long legs, leaning back on his stomach and chest as _her_ "pillow."

After watching their agreed-upon selections for an hour or so, she stretched and yawned.

He petted her hair. "You ready for bed?" It was an innocent question, but his soft, sexy voice somehow always made it sound more inviting to her ears.

She turned onto her side, propping herself up on one arm, and looked at him. "In a few minutes. I've been meaning to talk to you about something."

"What is it?" Bobby asked, sounding concerned.

"Ya know, Bobby, we're gonna have to start being careful."

He shook his head, "Only Deakins and McClaren know …well, okay, and Logan and Barek, but the Captain said to just make sure we keep…"

"No, no, I'm not talking about _that_," Alex interrupted. She took her free hand and ran her fingers down Bobby's chest and stomach –past his waist, coming to rest on his fly –giving a little squeeze. "I mean _this_ – **_'careful'_**, ya know?"

Bobby's brow furrowed. "Well, _that_ would be counter-productive, don't ya think?" he scoffed at her faulty line of thinking.

"What? Counter-productive to what?" Alex questioned in amazement.

He pulled her upper arm, fully turning her on her stomach. Then, with his hands under her arms, he slowly pulled her up the length of his body until her face was even with his. He looked at her face –deeply into her eyes.

He kissed her –small teasing kisses, at first, which turned to a deep, passionate union of their lips and tongues and mouths.

As he kissed her, Alex moved her hips, rubbing against him, feeling his growing urgency.

She pulled her head back, breaking the kiss. "This is how you get out of _everything_ with me, isn't it?" she accused him. "Answer the question," she demanded, "Or no more of _this_," she threatened, adding extra emphasis to the word 'this' as she thrust her hips against him teasingly.

He held her tiny face between his large, strong hands.

Every time he looked at her with those gorgeous big brown eyes, she nearly melted.

"Counter-productive…to…making…a…little…playmate…for…Nathan," he whispered, punctuating each word with a little kiss.

Her heart leapt in her chest. Her internal 'happiness meter' went off the chart.

She always felt as if she were being enveloped by his stare – drowning in dark pools of chocolate, whenever he looked at her. But the look in his eyes _now_ was different –she could 'read' the intent behind his gaze.

She stared back at him. "I'm ready for bed now."

END Chapter Twenty One


	22. Chapter 22

**WHAT KEEPS US TOGETHER?**

**Chapter Twenty Two**

…_**ONE YEAR LATER…**_

Bobby had recently celebrated his One-Year Anniversary of sobriety. He and his AA sponsor had become fairly close friends during the year.

The One-Year Anniversary of Bobby and Alex's marriage was just over three months away. As soon as they learned that Alex was expecting, they had quickly organized a small, intimate wedding ceremony and dinner afterwards, attended only by family and their closest friends. All the guests complimented them on how tasteful and romantic the affair had been.

Bobby had wanted to take Alex on a three-week tour of Italy for their honeymoon trip, but the doctor advised her against flying during her first trimester. They, instead, settled on a two-week vacation at a quiet beachfront rental home in Cape Cod where, once done battling her morning sickness, they enjoyed the remainder of their days just talking, strolling on the beach, shopping, dining and carrying on like typical honeymooners. They vowed that they would make the trip to Italy for one of their anniversaries in the future.

After the wedding, there was no more hiding things from the 'higher ups' and, pursuant to Department Policy, the team of Goren and Eames was no more –at least at the office. Bobby and Mike were getting along well and enjoyed the success of many solved cases. Carolyn and Alex did equally well in their new partnership and the four of them still socialized and developed even stronger bonds of friendship.

With Alex's due date just a month away, it was time for her to begin her maternity leave and, upon the recommendations and requests of Bobby and she, their old colleague, Lyn Bishop, was temporarily reassigned as Carolyn's new partner.

X X X

As Bobby and Alex sat on the sofa, snuggling (despite her now-enormous belly getting in the way, as he loved to constantly remind and tease her) he reflected upon the past year. Everything had happened so fast.

"A whirlwind romance, five years in the making," he thought to himself and chuckled.

"What's so funny?" Alex asked, looking up at his face.

"Nuth-nothing…I was just thinkin'" Bobby answered and squeezed her shoulders.

"Well, _I_ was just thinking about how good a bowl of rocky road would taste." She nudged him with her elbow, signaling him to get up and go to the kitchen.

Bobby chuckled as he got up from the sofa and headed for the fridge. "You're lucky I love you so much," he teased. "I don't interrupt my History Channel viewing for just anybody, ya know!"

Alex laughed, "Yeah, well, if I keep eating ice cream every night, there's gonna be a lot _more_ of me to love! --I can't help it, though—damn cravings!" she cursed.

Bobby smiled as he dug the ice cream scoop into the container and began filling her bowl, "That's okay," he smiled.

He returned to the living room and reclaimed his spot next to her as he handed her the bowl with a spoon and napkin.

"What! None for you!" Alex asked.

Bobby grabbed the remote –time for his Discovery Channel show – "No, I'm watchin' my figure," he teased, then squeezed her shoulders again in a hug.

"Watch it, buster!" she teased in return. "Or you'll be doing all the diapers and two a.m. feedings!"

X X X

On a Thursday afternoon about three weeks later, while at work, Bobby got the call he'd been waiting for. He was a mixture of joy and panic as he grabbed his portfolio, told Mike the news and rushed to Deakins' office, popping his head in the door.

"It's time – Alex just called – I've gotta' go!"

Deakins himself felt the rush of excitement at the impending birth. "Good luck!" he said with a huge smile. "Call me as soon as you have any news."

Bobby nodded and rushed to elevators.

X X X

_Approximately nine and one half hours later:_

"C'mon Alex, you can do it," the doctor urged. "Just one more deep breath –one _really big_ push—and you'll be done."

Alex sucked in a gasp of air, as deeply as she could. Her hand couldn't clamp around Bobby's any harder. She pushed as the doctor instructed.

Bobby's eyes shifted back and forth between Alex's face and what was going on down below. He was so proud of her; filled with pride at her strength and stamina – filled with awe at the miracle that was seconds away from happening before his eyes.

With one last, prolonged grunting push by Alex, Bobby watched the doctor and nurses go into action as the doctor said, "Okay, Alex –stop pushing – good job!"

Bobby watched in amazement as the doctor's hands deftly maneuvered the baby's head and tiny body and grabbed a sterile cloth from the nurse. The doctor wiped the baby's face and head quickly and partially wrapped the baby in another cloth as the nurse suctioned the fluids and mucus from the baby's mouth and nose.

Those few seconds felt like an eternity to Bobby and Alex, who awaited the doctor's announcement of the baby's sex and if everything was all right.

As the nurse finished cleansing the baby's eyes with solution, the doctor held the baby and stepped towards Bobby and Alex.

"Congratulations! You have a beautiful baby boy!"

Bobby brushed Alex's hair from her face and leaned over to kiss her. Both of them wore beaming smiles.

"A boy!" they both gleefully exclaimed to each other, then exchanged more kisses and "I love you's."

"Here, Bobby," the doctor said, handing Bobby the implement to cut the umbilical cord, then showing him the correct spot to cut.

When that was finished, the doctor laid the baby down on Alex's chest. She instinctively clutched the tiny form lying over her heart; stroked his forehead and face and placed gentle little kisses on his head.

"Hey, little boy – I'm your mommy," she softly cooed to him as tears of happiness rolled down her cheeks.

Bobby stared down at the tiny infant. His hand reached out –with some trepidation, Alex noticed—and he, too, gently stroked the baby's cheek.

"And I'm your daddy," he beamed.

Alex couldn't help but notice how Bobby's large hand and long fingers seemed to dwarf the tiny infant even more. And there was no ignoring the huge smile on his face.

The nurse approached the bed and smiled. "I have to take him for a bit, Mrs. Goren," she said apologetically. "He'll be weighed and measured – as soon as I get him cleaned up, I'll bring him back to you."

The doctor smiled at the happy couple, while finishing the paperwork on his clipboard. He spoke out loud, but to no one in particular, as he filled in the required forms; "Date of birth: June 11th; Time: 11:11 p.m.; Weight: 7 pounds 11 ounces…"

The doctor looked up from his papers. "What's with all the eleven's?" He joked. "That your lucky number?"

"You could say that," Alex answered. "We work on the 11th floor of our building – it's where we met." She smiled up at Bobby.

The doctor laughed, "Well, that _is_ lucky for you then. Have you picked a name?"

Alex squeezed Bobby's hand as she answered, "Robert James."

X X X

Once the nurse returned with the baby, Bobby had a chance to hold him, cradling him in one arm with no effort at all. He stared down at his son's face, still in awe and disbelief of it all.

Alex finally convinced him to go home and get some sleep, and she was going to try to do the same. She was exhausted.

Bobby finally agreed to go, with the promise that he'd be back first thing in the morning.

"I'm too excited to sleep –but, I have lots of calls to make," Bobby said, then listed "Lewis, The Captain, Mike, Carolyn, Bishop…"

"Mr. Carver," Alex chimed in.

"Right," Bobby said, adding to his list, "Mr. Carver. You mom's calling everybody on your side."

Bobby walked to the bedside and leaned over to kiss Alex. "You did great," he said softly. "He's beautiful."

"He sure is," Alex agreed. "Get some sleep, okay?"

She watched as Bobby nodded, half-heartedly. She knew him well enough to know that he'd be too wound up to sleep.

They kissed again and said their good-byes, then Bobby stopped and looked down at his son, who was now sleeping peacefully, swaddled in a soft blue blanket, wearing a tiny knitted blue cap on his head.

Bobby smiled as he looked at the wispy curls of brown hair that stuck out from under the hat around his tiny ears and at the back of his head. "My son," was all he said. Then his placed a kiss on the tip of his index finger and gently laid it on the baby's cheek.

"See ya in the morning," his called back to Alex.

X X X

Bobby made several calls from the SUV as he drove towards home. Everyone was so happy for him and Alex and he gladly accepted their congratulations. He imagined he was the happiest, proudest father ever.

He was just a few blocks from home. It was 12:35 a.m. The multi-colored neon lights from Carucci's window caught his eye as he turned off River Drive.

He smiled as he noticed the fortuitous empty parking space right out front. "_Yeah_," he convinced himself. "_This_ calls for a celebration," he said and smiled.

END Chapter Twenty Two


	23. Chapter 23

**WHAT KEEPS US TOGETHER?**

**Chapter Twenty Three**

While Bobby parked the big SUV and walked towards Carucci's, an internal struggle was waging war on his conscience.

He imagined it like a scene from one of his favorite childhood Saturday morning cartoons: a little angel on his right shoulder reminding him how good his life was with Alex—and that now he was a father with a new baby boy. The little angel told him how happy he should be – reminded him of how proud he had been of himself just a few weeks earlier at accomplishing a year of sobriety and receiving the commemorative pin from his AA sponsor.

But the little devil on his left shoulder whispered temptation and excuses in his ear – "You're _entitled_ to celebrate, you just became a new father!" And "It's just _a few _drinks–no one will know – you'll be home alone tonight since Alex is in the hospital—she won't _see_ you drunk; won't be there to smell it on you–you'll be fine in the morning and _she'll never know_…go on, Bobby…you _deserve_ it!"

Bobby strode through the door of the bar with a bounce in his step, feeling on top of the world, as every new dad does.

The devil was winning.

He surveyed the room, quickly examining the patrons' faces and recognized a few of the 'regulars.' Several of the booths were occupied and there were about a dozen people sitting at the bar. Bobby took a seat on the barstool in the corner, closest to the pool tables.

"Hey, Bobby! How ya doin' buddy?" The gregarious bartended called out as he filled two beer mugs from the tap.

"I'm good, Jerry," Bobby called out over the music, wearing a huge smile.

Jerry walked towards him.

"As a matter of fact, I'm great!" Bobby said enthusiastically, still grinning ear to ear.

"Yeah, why's that?" Jerry asked.

"My wife just had the baby tonight – I'm a father!" Bobby boasted.

"Hey, congratulations!" Jerry said, smiling. "Boy or girl?"

"A boy – seven pounds eleven ounces!" Bobby beamed.

"Good for you!" Jerry said. "Everybody doin' okay?"

Bobby nodded, "Yup, perfect. They'll probably let 'em come home on Saturday."

Bobby half-stood off the stool so he could reach into his pocket. He laid a one hundred-dollar bill on the bar, "Buy a round for everybody!" Bobby said cheerfully. He was in the mood to celebrate and wanted to share his happiness with everyone.

Bobby watched as Jerry placed shot glasses upside down in front of each of the bar's patrons, telling them, "Courtesy of the big guy down the end –his wife just had a baby."

The customers yelled their "Thanks" and "Congratulations" and raised their glasses in a toast to Bobby and his new family.

Jerry, still smiling, approached Bobby once again and asked, "What's your poison, buddy?"

Bobby slapped his hand on the bar, full of conviction. "Chivas –neat."

As Jerry reached for the bottle, Bobby called, "Hey Jerry! Make it a double."

Old habits died hard.

X X X

Jerry placed a coaster on the bar, then set the glass of the golden, topaz-colored scotch in front of Bobby.

"Thanks," Bobby smiled, then looked conspicuously around the room – a reaction of his own guilty conscience. No one there knew that he wasn't supposed to be drinking.

Jerry nodded, then turned and headed back down the length of the bar to tend to his other customers.

The scent from the alcohol wafted up to Bobby's keen nose. He leaned over, looking down into the glass and inhaled, momentarily closing his eyes.

Engrossed in thought as the angel and devil battled on, he hadn't noticed the quietness that had taken over the room, the softness of the music now playing, the young couple in love that were now dancing adjacent to the dining area. Until finally, the music seeped through:

_The first time, ever I saw your face_

_I thought the sun rose in your eyes_

_And the moon and the stars_

_Were the gifts you gave_

_To the dark, and the endless skies_

_My Love._

_And the first time, ever I kissed your mouth_

_I felt the earth move in my hands_

_Like the trembling heart_

_Of a captive bird_

_That was there, at my command_

_My Love._

_And the first time, ever I lay with you_

_I felt your heart so close to mine_

_And I knew our joy_

_Would fill the earth_

_And last, til the end of time_

_My Love._

_And last, 'til the end of time._

_My love._

His guardian angel had found a more effective way to intercede.

Hearing that song –one of his and Alex's favorites— brought thoughts of Alex rushing to the forefront of is mind. He remembered back to their playful banter during their couples' encounter at Fair Oaks. It brought a smile to his lips. The devil didn't stand a chance.

He leaned back on the barstool and pushed the drink away a few inches. He let out a heavy sigh and rubbed his hands over his face, coming to grips with what _almost_ just happened. He thought back a year –to the night he told Alex that she wouldn't have a terrible life like his mother; the night he _promised_ her that he wouldn't become like his father.

Once again rubbing his face, he mumbled to himself, "I've gotta get outta here – what am I _doing_ here?"

"I was just about to ask _you_ the same question," came a sarcastic but serious voice from over Bobby's right shoulder.

Bobby said nothing – he just sat watching as Mike Logan picked up the glass of scotch, holding it to the light, examining it for traces of wetness and lip or saliva marks around the rim.

"I didn't drink it" Bobby said.

"I just dropped Carolyn off and figured I'd swing by for a nightcap. Then I saw the truck out front," Mike said, as he settled himself onto the stool next to Bobby's.

"Hey, Mike!" Jerry said, then gave a quick glance at Bobby's still-full glass.

"Hiya Jerry," Mike nodded, giving the bartender a smile. "We'll have two Cokes, just a little ice."

Jerry looked at Bobby. "Sorry, I umm, I changed my mind. Gotta' be up early and back at the hospital, ya know."

Jerry nodded, "No problem." As he poured the two sodas, he called back over to Bobby, "You're gonna get used to sleep deprivation soon enough, Bobby," he laughed, alluding to a new baby's erratic schedule of feedings and diaper changes.

The three men laughed.

Bobby and Mike finished their sodas in relative silence, aside from Mike's comments while 'appreciating' the blond and the redhead at the far end of the bar.

Bobby turned his head slightly and softly said to Mike, "Can I ask you not to mention this to anyone?"

Mike didn't answer right away, giving himself a few seconds to consider Bobby's request.

"I-I jus-just don't want Alex to worry, ya know? I, I didn't drink it. I just want her to be happy and enjoy the new baby, okay," Bobby explained further, pleading his cause.

"Oh, yeah, congratulations – I listened to your message on my voice mail," Mike said.

Bobby looked at him, eyebrows raised in question.

"I didn't see anything," Mike answered.

Bobby breathed a sigh of relief and smiled a small smile. "Thanks."

Mike patted Bobby's shoulder. "Let's get outta here. Wanna go to the diner?"

"Nothing like greasy burgers and fries at two in the morning," Bobby joked, implying his agreement to go.

"G'night, Jerry," they both called.

"G'night fellas –and congratulations, again, Bobby!"

As they walked through the door into the cool night air, Mike put his hand on Bobby's shoulder –just a simple gesture –a show of support.

"That's the closest I ever came to fallin' off – this is hard sometimes," Bobby confessed.

Mike patted his back, "One day at time, my friend. One day at a time."

_END Chapter Twenty Three_

**Musical Credit**: The First Time (Ever I Saw Your Face),

Roberta Flack


	24. Chapter 24

**WHAT KEEPS US TOGETHER?**

**Chapter Twenty Four**

"You gonna eat that pickle?"

"Nah, go ahead," Bobby said to Mike, then took a sip of his Coke.

"Ya know," Mike said, in between chews of the crispy kosher dill, "I've been thinkin'."

"About what?" Bobby asked, while dipping a French fry in his concoction of ketchup and vinegar and spices.

"You really think it's a good idea? –I mean, not telling Alex about what happened tonight."

Bobby, who was just about to take a bite of his burger, set it back down on the plate and stared across the table at Mike. "Nothing happened."

"Okay, what _almost_ happened," Mike corrected himself.

"It—it was nothing. I'm all right now."

"All right –if you say so," Mike acquiesced, but still wasn't' ready to drop the subject. "I'm just saying –starting off with the new baby and everything—with a lie—maybe it's not the best thing for the two of you." Mike concentrated on rearranging the lettuce and tomato on his burger, to avoid Bobby's eyes.

"I'm not lying," Bobby said defensively. "I just don't see the importance of giving Alex a blow-by-blow description of everything that happened tonight." Bobby wiped his mouth with his napkin, before he continued. "Keeping the truth to one's self isn't a lie –it's just ---using discretion."

"Uh-huh," Mike nodded, with no conviction.

Bobby took another drink of his soda and, after placing the glass back down, leaned forward on the table, bolstering the privacy between him and Mike. "I just don't want to give Alex anything to worry about. Nothing happened. I just want her to enjoy this baby."

Mike was caught off guard –mid bite of his burger. "What do you mean, '_this_ baby'?"

It had been no secret around the squad room – Bobby merely forgot that Mike hadn't been a member of MCS when Alex gave birth the first time.

"Alex – she acted as surrogate for her sister and brother-in-law about three years ago. Her 'nephew," Nathan…"

"Alex is his biological mother?" Mike asked, trying to hide his astonishment.

"Well, technically, 'yes' and 'no'," Bobby tried to explain. "Her sister and brother-in-law used their own egg and sperm –he was conceived _in vitro_ and implanted in Alex's womb."

"Still," Mike said, sipping his soda, "That hadda' be tough."

"Yeah, it was…a lot tougher on her emotionally than she anticipated," Bobby offered, not wanting to say too much and break any confidentiality he had with Alex. "That's why I just want her to be happy –t-t-to enjoy having the baby and being a new mother."

Mike nodded, "I get ya –no problem."

"Thanks."

After almost an hour of eating and talking, the buxom blonde waitress approached the table and placed the check down, giving a quick smile and wink to Bobby and Mike. "Whenever you're ready, fellas, I'll ring ya up."

Mike reached for the check, "It's on me," he said. "Congrats on the kid."

"Thanks," Bobby smiled.

X X X

By the time Bobby got home, it was close to 3:30 a.m. He was past the point of tired and almost had his second wind.

He got undressed down to his boxers and went to the kitchen to set up the coffee pot and timer to brew at 8:00 a.m. Then, still too wound up from the excitement of being a father, he retrieved his digital camera from his jacket pocket and, sitting on the edge of the sofa, scanned through all the photos he'd taken of Alex and the baby. Reality was still settling in. Alex—his wife, holding _their_ baby—his son. Bobby was several levels beyond ecstatic.

By 4:00 a.m., he decided he'd force himself to lay down and go to sleep. On his way to the master bedroom, he stopped by the baby's room and switched on the light. He couldn't help but smile as he surveyed the nursery, which Alex had decorated in multiple pastel colors and a baby-animal motif.

"One more day," Bobby thought to himself. "Then your mommy and you will be home –my life will be perfect."

He turned off the light and headed to the bedroom.

X X X

Bobby awoke before his alarm sounded. He laid in bed, listening to the sounds of the coffeemaker brewing –inhaling the aroma of his favorite Colombian dark roast. The scent was enticing enough to lure him out of bed. After drinking two mugs full and basking in a hot shower for fifteen minutes, he was ready to head back to the hospital.

X X X

When Bobby reached Alex's room on the maternity ward, he saw the curtain drawn around her bed and hesitated at the door.

"Oh, it's all right, Mr. Goren," a young nurse called to him, "It's just for privacy while she's nursing."

Bobby nodded a 'thank you' and entered the room, timidly peeking around the curtain.

"Hey you," Alex greeted him with a smile, then looked down at the baby admiringly.

"Hi," Bobby smiled, then went to the side of the bed to kiss her 'hello.' "How are you feeling?"

"Not too bad – I walked down the hall this morning," she bragged.

"How's he doing?" Bobby asked, admiring his son.

"He's great," Alex beamed, then brushed her fingers lightly over the baby's ear. "You're a hungry little fella, aren't ya?"

Bobby became distracted and reached in his pocket, "Lemme get a picture," he said.

"Bobby! You can't take my picture like this," she said.

"Why not? There's nothing bad showing – what's more beautiful than a mother nursing her infant?"

Alex sighed in protest, but finally gave in after threatening Bobby, "It better not show up on the bulletin board at work!"

He laughed. "Just smile."

After shooting several photos, Bobby tucked the camera away and stepped closer to the bed.

"He looks better today –not so blotchy," Bobby laughed, still staring in disbelief and amazement at the infant suckling at her breast.

Alex smiled up at him, "He was _not_ a happy camper after the circumcision."

"Ouch," Bobby shuddered –his body giving a reflexive cringe at the thought.

Alex let out a small chuckle. "Believe me – his lungs are fine."

Bobby lightly brushed his fingertips over the baby's curls and sympathetically whispered, "What did they do to my little man, huh?"

Alex disengaged the baby from her breast and covered herself. She gently held him against her chest, rubbing and patting his tiny back to coax a burp.

"So, did you get any sleep last night, or were you too excited?" Alex smiled up at him.

"I umm, I met Mike and we went to the diner and grabbed a couple of burgers."

"Mike? Where'd ya meet him?" Alex asked, returning the baby to the crook of her arm.

"Wh-when I called him to tell him about the baby –he was just dropping Carolyn off, so he said 'why don't we meet at the diner?' –s-s-so I did," Bobby answered and instantly felt guilty for lying.

"Well, _I_ could go for a burger," Alex joked. "All _I_ got was runny eggs, cold toast and skim milk," she said, scrunching up her nose at the distasteful memory.

X X X

Throughout the morning and afternoon, various family members and friends came to visit Alex and get their first look at the baby. Her room was filling up with flowers, plants and balloons from all their well wishers.

Bobby was holding the baby, sitting in a chair by Alex's bedside later in the day, while there was a lull in the commotion of visitors.

"You look tired," Alex commented.

He nodded and the power of suggestion of her comment instantly brought about a long yawn. "I'll probably sleep better tonight," he assured her.

Alex was just about to speak, but was interrupted by a soft knock at the doorway. She and Bobby both looked up to see who their visitor was.

A distinguished looking gentleman with salt and pepper hair appeared in the doorway. "I thought that was you!" he said with huge smile. "I caught a glimpse of you while I was passing by and I said to myself, 'that looks like Robert Goren'."

Bobby and Alex smiled, "Dr. Silver! What are you doing here?"

Dr. Silver entered the room. "My daughter-in-law just had a baby this morning –my wife and I are here to visit."

"Congratulations!" Bobby and Alex both said.

"Well, it seems 'congratulations' are in order for you, as well," the doctor smiled.

Bobby stood, holding the baby in his left arm, while extending his right hand to shake the doctor's hand.

"Are you two…

"Married," Bobby said, finishing his question. "Almost a year."

"Wonderful!" Dr. Silver smiled. "Everything going all right?"

"Perfect," Alex beamed.

"Just got my year's sobriety pin," Bobby added.

"Wonderful!" the doctor said again. He looked at the tiny infant in Bobby's arm and smiled. "A boy, I guess, from the blue blanket?"

"Yes, Robert James," Alex said, smiling.

"Very nice. He's adorable," Dr. Silver said, as he admired the face and curly head of hair.

"So you're a grandpa – boy or girl?" Bobby said.

"A little girl –Julia," the doctor smiled. "You should take a walk to the nursery and have a look," he beamed with pride.

"We'll do that," Alex said.

"Well, I'd better get going," Dr. Silver said. "It's been great seeing you –and great to know you're doing so well. Take care."

"Thanks, Doctor; great seeing you, too. Thanks for stopping in," Bobby said.

X X X

In the evening, Lewis came by to visit, bearing "real food" from the V&T Italian Deli.

"Lewis, you're a lifesaver," Alex smiled as she gratefully accepted her half of a veal parm sandwich.

The three friends visited for a little over an hour. They laughed when Lewis awkwardly held the baby and Bobby teased, "Don't get grease on him –he's still new."

The birth and the long day had taken their toll on Alex. Bobby knew she was tired and ready to call it a day.

"I'm gonna get going, Alex –let you get some rest," Bobby said, and Lewis took his cue.

"Me too," Lewis said. "Congratulations, again," he said, kissing her cheek.

"Thanks, Lewis. And thanks for dinner."

Lewis waited by the door, while Bobby and Alex said and kissed their 'good-nights'. The two friends then headed down the long corridor to the exit.

Bobby spoke softly, so as not to disturb any of the patients, "So, you umm, you wanna be the Godfather?"

Lewis, wearing a huge grin, turned to look at Bobby; "_Hell yeah_!" he exclaimed.

Bobby chuckled and shook his head, "Oh, I can see you'll be a fine example for my son," he teased, while draping an arm over Lewis' shoulders.

X X X

"Thanks, Jennifer," Alex said to evening nurse. "I just didn't want to leave him unattended while I was in the shower," Alex explained. "Then I'm gonna try to catch a little sleep."

"No problem, Mrs. Goren," the friendly nurse said. "Do you want me to wake you when its time for his feeding?"

"Yes, would you?" Alex said. "He should be good for a couple of hours –you can bring him back in to me when he starts fussing."

Jennifer smiled as she wheeled the baby towards the door, "I get off duty at eleven, but I'll leave instructions for the night nurses."

"Thank you," Alex said, then grabbed a clean nightgown and her toiletries and headed for the bathroom and a nice warm shower.

X X X

The lights were dimmed in the nursery. Most everyone on the floor was asleep. It was a peaceful night.

The nurses' aide checked on the infants –tending to those who needed a change of diaper, or to be swaddled more tightly in its blanket, or who were hungry. She smiled serenely as she looked down at the angelic faces of the ten sleeping newborn infants surrounding her.

"Perfect little angels," she whispered to herself.

She took a few more steps and stood over the tiny, curly brown-haired baby. Her smile widened. "You _are_ a precious little one, aren't you?" she asked rhetorically.

"Robert James Goren," she said, reading aloud from the name placard on the side of the tiny crib.

She reached down and gently ran her fingertips over the baby's hair, then down his cheek. The baby must have felt the slight tickle, because his face reacted with a little twitch and, she could've sworn she saw his tiny lips flash a crooked little smile. Then, just as quickly, he settled back down into his peaceful slumber.

"I guess your daddy was right, after all," the aide said with forlorn sigh. "I shouldn't have counted him out just yet."

Her once serene smile had twisted into an evil, hateful sneer. "And of course it's no surprise who your mummy is."

END Chapter Twenty Four


	25. Chapter 25

**WHAT KEEPS US TOGETHER?**

**Chapter Twenty Five**

Bobby sprang up in the bed. He wasn't yet fully awake, but could feel his heart racing—skipping beats. He was in a panic –a cold sweat –panting for air.

It took several seconds for him to realize that it had been a nightmare –one of the worst kinds, because _this one_ actually had the potential of coming true.

Becoming more alert, he switched on the small lamp next to the bed and grabbed the phone. He dialed the hospital, deciding that he didn't want to disturb Alex if she were sleeping. He nervously ran a hand through his hair while impatiently waiting for an answer.

"Maternity ward, Nurse Peterson," came the calm, friendly voice.

Bobby suddenly felt embarrassed – his eye had caught the clock radio on the nightstand: "1:45 a.m."

"Umm, uh, hello, this is Robert Goren. C-could you give me status on my wife and son, please?"

On the other end of the line, Nurse Peterson smiled and thought to herself, "I've seen nervous, paranoid first-time dad's before, but at this hour?"

Finally, she answered Bobby. "Of course, Mr. Goren. Oh, wait—actually, I don't see the baby in the nursery…–he's easy to spot 'cause he's the only little boy in a sea of pink –we're full of girl babies…"

Bobby interrupted, frantically, "W-what do you mean you don't see him? Where _is_ he?"

"Well, I assume he's in your wife's room. It was probably time for a feeding. Can you hold a moment while I check with the other nurse?"

"Yes, please hurry, though."

Nurse Peterson placed the call on 'hold' and spotted the nurse's aide, Valerie, approaching from down the hall.

"Val, did you bring Baby Goren to his mother for feeding?"

"Yes, less than ten minutes ago, why?" Valerie had now reached the nurses' station and stood by listening as Nurse Peterson picked up the line again.

"Mr. Goren? Your baby is fine. He's with his mother for a feeding."

Bobby exhaled a sigh of relief. "Th-thank you, sorry to bother you," he said apologetically, and hung up the phone.

"New fathers," Nurse Peterson sighed, shaking her head. "Go figure."

The two nurses shared a laugh at Bobby's expense and resumed their duties.

X X X

Bobby laid back against the pillow and exhaled another long sigh. The words of his nightmare resonated in his head_: "I guess your daddy was right, after all; I shouldn't have counted him out just yet."_

It had seemed _so real_ –the hate in her eyes –the wickedly evil smile. He knew there was no way he was going to be able to quell the anxiety in his mind or stomach and fall back asleep. He threw the sheet back and got up, reaching for the pair of jeans he had left on the floor earlier when he first went to bed. He was heading for the hospital. He needed to see for himself that they were all right.

X X X

As Bobby approached the nurses' station, he saw the look of dismay on the brunette nurse's face. She didn't want to holler down the hallway and disturb anyone, so she waited until he reached the counter.

"Mr. Goren!" she said in a shocked whisper, "It's 2:30 in the morning – you can't…"

Bobby flashed his badge _and_ a little smile. He quickly read her nametag and instantly felt more embarrassed, realizing it was the same nurse whom he'd been on the phone with earlier.

"I-I promise I'll be quiet, Nurse Peterson," he whispered. "I-I just need to see them," he said with a little nod.

She pursed her lips, giving him a skeptical look, but then gave in. "All right," she whispered, "But if you weren't a cop…"

He smiled and nodded, grateful for his gold shield and the many doors it opened.

Bobby walked quietly towards Alex's room, still almost dreading what he'd find. He hadn't yet shook the feeling of panic that had gripped him upon awakening after his nightmare. The door to the room was open, but, again, the privacy curtain was pulled across the bed. "What if that dream was true? What if I peek behind the curtain and the baby isn't in Alex's arms? What will I tell her? What will we do?" He felt his pulse starting to race --he was upsetting himself with his own line of questioning. The thought of his baby being _anywhere near_ Nicole Wallace was enough to turn his stomach.

As he reached the doorway to the room, he paused and listened intently.

His shoulders relaxed with a sigh of relief. He smiled, tilting his head as he kept listening to Alex's sweet, soothing voice as she talked to their son.

"…and _that's_ the story of how your Daddy and I fell in love. So, know you know why we love you so much and how much we wanted you."

Bobby felt a twinge of guilt at eavesdropping, but thought it was so sweet to hear Alex talk to the baby –soothing their baby son with her voice.

He listened again.

"…and your Uncle Lewis can teach you all about cars, and he's gonna be your Godfather, too. And Uncle John –your Daddy and Uncle Lewis call him 'Johnny Dawg' –he can teach you how to ride a motorcycle –_but no tattoos for you, young man_—at least not before you're eighteen…

Outside the door, Bobby stifled a chuckle and kept listening.

"…and your Daddy –well, he can teach you about _everything_, because he's the smartest Daddy in the whole world…and you're gonna grow up and be a big, strong, handsome boy just like him…"

"Bobby! What are you doing here!"

Bobby was smiling, ear-to-ear. "I couldn't sleep – I can't stay away." That was all he said –he wasn't about to upset Alex by recounting his nightmare.

Alex smiled and patted the side of the bed, telling him to sit.

"What time is it?"

"Umm, quarter to three, about," he answered, while reaching out his hand to stroke the baby's head.

Alex smiled. "Hard to believe he's really here, huh?"

"Yeah –yours and mine – _ours_. Really here," Bobby agreed, still smiling himself.

Alex watched as Bobby gently stroked the baby's tiny hand. He put his index finger under the baby's fingers and smiled as the tiny fingers instinctively curled around. He stared at the simple contact, amazed at the size difference.

Alex's eyes were looking down at the baby's face. She began speaking and Bobby heard her serious tone.

"You know, when I had Nathan, I thought I'd never love a baby more –carrying him and giving birth to him –even though I knew he wasn't _really_ mine – I just loved him so much."

Bobby nodded his understanding, "Sure."

"And now," Alex continued, "Now I almost feel guilty – I love this baby so much more. It feels _so_ _different_."

"Because it's _yours_," Bobby said.

Alex smiled and put her hand on top of the baby's hand, which was still curled around Bobby's index finger. She shook her head, 'no' – "Because he's _yours_."

Bobby smiled and stared into her eyes, then leaned in to kiss her.

X X X

Alex and Robert James were discharged from the hospital by noon on Saturday.

As Bobby drove back home, he kept glancing at Alex in the passenger seat –she looked content and happy. He glanced over his shoulder from time to time, looking at the baby's car seat/carrier to see how he was enjoying the ride.

"He's sleeping," Bobby said with a smile.

"That's all he'll _be doing_ for a while –sleeping and eating."

Bobby nodded.

"And messing diapers," Alex joked.

"You need anything from the drugstore?" Bobby asked.

"I'm okay for a couple of days," Alex said. "The hospital sent me home with some supplies."

"Okay, just checking,"

Alex gave a sideways glance, "Like _you_ were gonna run into Duane Reade and get me my nursing bra pads and –_other_ pads," she said with a teasing laugh.

"I, I wouldn't have a problem with that," Bobby protested. "I'd do _anything_ for you."

She looked at him. He was driving, looking forward, but was totally serious.

"I believe you," Alex said.

X X X

Bobby pulled into a nearby parking space in front of their building. He jogged around to the passenger side and opened Alex's door, holding her hand as she gingerly stepped down out of the big truck. She was moving somewhat slowly –still sore from giving birth.

She stood on the sidewalk, enjoying the fresh air and sun, as Bobby grabbed her suitcase from the back, then undid the seatbelts holding the baby's carrier and removed him from the back seat.

"I can help carry something," Alex offered.

Bobby's brow furrowed, and he shook his head, "I've got everything, it's okay."

They slowly made their way up the front steps, then inside.

"Just two flights to go," Alex said, exhaling deeply.

"Take your time," Bobby cautioned. "Don't overdo it."

Step by step, they slowly ascended to their second-floor apartment and finally reached their front door. Bobby placed the suitcase down, then the baby's carrier. He unlocked the door and swung it open. Alex began to take a step in, but Bobby stopped her.

"Wait," he said, as he undid the harness around the baby. He lifted the baby from the carrier, gently holding his tiny body in one hand and supporting its head with the other. He turned to Alex and looked into her eyes.

"Here," was all he said and he carefully transferred the sleeping infant to her arms.

She knew what Bobby was doing. She knew how his brain worked –the way he thought. His simple, thoughtful gesture meant more to her than she'd ever be able to tell him. And it struck her at that very second that this was just one more thing to add to her ever-growing list of the reasons why she loved him so.

_This time_, he made sure she wasn't coming home with empty arms.

_**THE END.**_


	26. Falling Apart

**Falling Apart**

**_Three years later..._**

It was late on Friday night. Actually, by the time Bobby and Mike finished up at the crime scene, it was 1:45 Saturday morning.

"I'm headin' home," Mike groaned, followed by a yawn.

It had been a long week for both detectives.

"I figure I'll head straight to the M.E.'s on Monday morning for the results, you wanna meet me there?" Mike asked.

Bobby nodded, after a slight hesitation. "Yeah...I'll...see you there at eight," he said, followed by a mumbled, "Have a good weekend."

Mike looked at his hulking partner, who was obviously overtired and preoccupied in thought.

"Aren't you coming with me?" Mike asked with a hint of teasing in his voice, as he dangled the keys for the SUV in front of Bobby's face.

"Uh...no," Bobby stammered, with a slight shake of his head. I think I'll walk for a bit and grab a cab or the subway home."

"Suit yourself," Mike said, as he opened the door and got behind the wheel. Something didn't feel right, but he knew better than to push, where Bobby was concerned. He'd noticed his big partner's demeanor had changed on Thursday afternoon. "Maybe he had a spat with Alex, or something," Mike guessed to himself. "He'll come around, sooner or later," Logan surmised. "He always does."

"You're sure you're all right?" Mike asked once last time.

"Yeah," Bobby nodded and waved him good-bye. Bobby stood on the corner and watched the tail lights of the SUV fade as Mike drove down the street. He briefly glanced over his shoulder, as he watched the Coroner's vehicle pull off in the other direction, carrying away the lifeless victims --a woman and her son, slaughtered at the hands of her live-in lover.

It was a balmy, early summer night. Bobby removed his suit jacket, slung it over his shoulder and began walking in the direction of home.

He thought of the comforts of home awaiting him; of kissing his three-year old son, Robert James (or "RJ" as they had begun calling him, to avoid the confusion of having two "Bobbies" in the house) good-night, as he did every time when he arrived home late from work, then snuggling in beside Alex.

The past three years had been good to Bobby and Alex, with the exception of the heartache they suffered almost a year and a half ago when Alex miscarried what would have been their second child --another boy. They both terribly felt the sadness of the loss of what could have been, but were _still_ absolutely grateful for the little boy they _did_ have. They both spoiled him with love and attention and affection. But still, a part of each of their hearts was still broken.

Bobby shook his head, jogging himself from the memory. He had something far more important to think about: the newest threat that he'd received on Thursday. He knew that tomorrow (actually, later today on Saturday) he'd have to tell Alex everything. He'd been keeping certain things a secret for the past three years, but this week's threat was too large. He couldn't protect her, anymore.

As if on "auto pilot," he made a right turn, heading down the block to the green neonshamrock and the "McDougal's Pub" sign that beckoned him. He was craving something else that, in the past, always brought him comfort, even if only temporarily.

"Just a couple--to take the edge off," he swore to himself. "I'm gonna' need a good night's sleep in order to face her tomorrow," he rationalized to himself.

Then Bobby patted his left front pocket, making sure he had his maximum strength peppermint Altoids at the ready. He'd need them later, before heading home to Alex. They'd "covered" for him for the past couple of months and she didn't suspect a thing --yet.


	27. Chapter 27

**CHAPTER 27**

Bobby sat, folded forearms resting on the bar, shoulders and head slumped. His eyelids were heavy. His eyes, now bloodshot and blurry from booze and overtiredness stared down at the almost empty glass in front of him -- he was looking, but not seeing.

The first drink did relax him, a bit. His second, which in the old days, would have relaxed him even more, turning him into a 'happy drunk', had no such effect this time around. It only served to add fuel to his downward spiral. By the time he had gulped the third and fourth, he had transformed himself into the nasty, brooding, sulking hulk of a man that occupied the last barstool in the rear.

The other patrons had long since gone, leaving only Bobby and his fifth drink, along with the bartender, in the small Irish pub.

The bartender was hesitant to approach Bobby and try, again, to cajole him into leaving. Bobby's size, alone, was intimidating enough to the slimly-built silver haired man in his mid-sixties. Sure, over the years he had dealt with his share of obnoxiously-drunk customers and witnessed a brawl every now and then, but there was something about _this_ big man --something threatening about the 'vibes' he was giving off -- a mixture of anger, depression, fear, dispair and hate that was almost palpable.

"People like that," the bartended silently affirmed to himself, "they're capable of anything."

The nervous bartender approached the end of the bar where Bobby was sitting. Pretending to be nonchalant, he pulled the dishtowel from over his right shoulder and began drying some beer mugs from the rack next to the sink. He made it a point to stay near the phone in case he needed to call 9-1-1.

"Hey, buddy!" He exclaimed with a forced smiled, "Last call was over an hour ago...shouldn't ya be gettin' home to the missus?"

Bobby glared at him defiantly. Then, with deliberate slowness, raised his glass and downed the remainder of his Scotch. He replaced the glass on the mahongony bar and, as he hung his head, mumbled, "Gimme another one."

The bartender's nerves became jittery, but he tried as best he could to hide it.

"C'mon, pal. I think you've had enough for tonight," he said with a friend/fatherly tone, accompanied by the slightest of smiles. "I don't wanna have to call the cops."

Bobby looked at the elder man while fumbling in his pocket. He laughed at himself --at this strange feeling. He felt "detached" from himself; unable to make his fingers do what his brain was telling them. After three years' of sobriety, the effects of all this liquor in his system was taking its toll.

Finally, he slapped his gold shield down on the bar. "I **_am_** the cops," he slurred, sounding totally surly and full of bravado. "S-so, gimme another drink!" Bobby exclaimed with an exaggerated wave of his arm. "That's an _order_!" Bobby settled back down on the barstool, staring at the barkeep through blinking eyes, fully expecting the man to obey his 'command.'

Learning that the huge, sulking man was a cop actually put the bartender at ease. He thought to himself that the big guy can't be all bad. "Probably had a rough day," he figured.

The bartended stepped closer to Bobby, extending his hand, "I'm Mike," he announced.

Bobby offered his big hand in return. "Bobby," was all he said by way of introduction, but then said, "I have a friend named Mike."

"So, you're a cop, huh?" Mike said. "Detective," he added, taking a closer look at Bobby's shield, still laying on the bar.

Bobby just nodded and grabbed his empty glass, raising it to his lips. He tossed his head back, hoping that there would be a few remaining drops of the smooth Scotch to trickle into his mouth. When he got no such gratification, he dangled the glass between his thumb and middle finger, waving it at Mike.

"I ordered another...an-an and this is still empty," he said, giving an angry look to the empty glass, followed by a burping hiccup.

Mike ignored him, trying to change the subject and get Bobby moving along.

"I knew plenty of cops back in the old days," Mike said. "They'd all come in once they got off duty --the whole gang. Sometimes they'd stop in at lunch -- ya' know, we could give the beat cops free lunch back then -- a little 'thank you' for watchin' out for us --even sneak 'em a beer," the bartender confided. "Nowadays, we can't do that -- they say it's like givin' bribes, or it's not 'PC'," Mike continued, with a dismissive wave of his hand.

Bobby just nodded and, once again, tried drinking from his empty glass --half expecting that it had magically refilled itself with his chosen golden poison. When he realized that nothing flowed onto his tongue, he set the glass down and began patting the pockets of his suit.

"I got no damn cigarettes," he complained, seemingly oblivious to the fact, due to his intoxication, that he'd quit smoking years ago, too.

"Yeah, those were the days," the bartended lamented. "My buddies --they're all old and retired now -- Danny Harrow, Jimmy O'Brien, Mikey Sullivan, Johnny Eames...all good guys."

The bartender noticed Bobby's reaction; how he'd stiffened in his seat, but didn't know the cause.

"You're not drivin', are ya buddy?" he asked, genuinely concerned.

"No," Bobby shook his head.

"You want me to get you a cab?" Again, his offer was sincere --he wanted the big detective to get home safely --but he also just wanted him _out, _so he could close shop.

Bobby shook his head 'no' and waved his hand. He got up from the stool, very unsteadily, and dug into his pocket. He laid a fifty dollar bill on the bar and headed for the door with a staggering, swaying gait and bumping into a few of the barstools along the way.

"Detective!" Mike called, then walked to Bobby, handing him his shield. "You don't wanna forget this," he smiled.

"Th-thanks," Bobby said and jammed the shield on its black leather clip back into his pocket. As he turned again to exit, he caught a glimpse of himself in mirror behind the bar. He paused for a second; just long enough to give himself, in his reflection, a self-loathing look, then he made his way to the door.

X X X

After finally flagging down a cab, Bobby arrived home at 4:30 a.m. He clumsily pulled off his jacket, tie and shirt, then kicked off his shoes and sprawled himself on the sofa. Momentarily, he felt as if the room were spinning, but almost instantly fell into a deep, exhaustion and liquor-induced sleep.

X X X

"I'm hungry, Daddy." That's what RJ's little voice was saying to his father, as the tiny boy's hand patted Bobby's arm. "Daddy, wake up --I'm hungry."

Bobby unconsciously swatted at the nuisance tickling his arm, oblivious to his son's presence. He shifted his weight, turning onto his side, still in a deep sleep. It was 6:05 a.m. and Bobby would need _far more_ than one and a half hours' sleep to remedy the effects of his all-night binge.

RJ thought that, perhaps, his daddy was teasing him. Bobby and Alex sometimes did that when the little boy would go to their bedroom too early on a weekend morning. But, when RJ kissed his daddy's cheek --wrinking his nose at the strange and unpleasant scent --and got not reaction, he realized that his father really was sleeping.

He headed off to their bedroom, where he knew his mommy would be. She'd get up and feed him; of that, he was sure.

Alex awoke, just in time to hear the tiny feet approaching her side of the bed. She instantly broke into a smile upon seeing her little boys face. He reminded her, so much, of Bobby --especially in the mornings, with his messy curls and bright brown eyes.

Alex reach out her arms as RJ climbed onto the bed. She wrapped him in a big hug and kissed him 'good morning.'

As she rolled onto her back, discovering Bobby's side of the bed still empty, she instantly felt sympathy for him. After all, he and Mike Logan had gotten called out on a new case so late in the evening. She knew the routine --the crime scene investigation, waiting for the coroner's office, doing the paperwork. "The poor baby must be exhausted," she thought to herself, thinking of her husband's long hours and how he overworks himself.

RJ had straddled himself over Alex's stomach. He was looking down at her, smiling.

"I'm hungry, mommy."

"You are?" Alex asked, as if surprised.

RJ nodded a 'yes.' "I told daddy I was hungry but he wouldn't wake up."

"You asked daddy? Daddy's home?" Alex asked with a smile.

The curly-haired boy nodded 'yes' again. "Daddy's on the sofa. He doesn't smell good," the boy said, innocently.

Alex's eyebrows furrowed at the statement. She knew that kids say funny things, sometimes, but she wasn't amused.

"What do you mean, 'daddy doesn't smell good'?" Alex asked, trying to mask her real concern.

The little boy just shrugged his shoulders, "He doesn't smell like my daddy." Then he held up his little hands, palms up, as if gesturing "I don't know."

Alex felt the knot tightening in her stomach. She took a deep breath to calm herself.

"C'mon my little man...Mommy's gonna get your breakfast --and you can watch cartoons in your room." She forced a reassuring smile at her little boy, as they climbed out of bed.

RJ ran straight for the kitchen. Alex stood in the doorway to the living room, surveying the clothes strewn about, as her big lug of a husband snored contentedly on the couch.

Unfortunately for Bobby, as his luck would have it, his little boy had inherited his keen sense of smell.

END CHAPT. 27


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28**

Alex kept an eye on RJ as he pulled his chair out from the kitchen table and climbed into his booster seat, eagerly awaiting breakfast.

She practically tiptoed into the living room, passing by the heap of Bobby's clothes. She spotted the open pack of cigarettes on the coffee table and scowled, but then let herself hope that the strange smell that RJ had detected was that of tobacco. If Bobby had resumed smoking, rather than drinking, she felt she could deal with that as the lesser of the two evils.

She bent close to his face, letting him breath on her. She inhaled once --then a second time to make sure. Her worst fears were confirmed.

She bolted upright when he stirred and backed away a few steps. Myriad emotions overtook her mind and heart, as the tears welled up in her eyes.

"Oh God, Bobby, why? Why? I am _not_ gonna go through this again," she silently said. She was more than upset; she was angry, hurt, disappointed, worried --she didn't know what to think or feel, and realized that she had to pull herself together so that their little boy wouldn't detect anything wrong.

Her first instinct was to grab hold of Bobby's shoulder and rouse him from his sleep by shaking him senseless -- just so she could rip into him. But, she realized that talking to a drunk Bobby would be pointless. It was impossible to deal with a person while in that condition, she knew, unfortunately, from experience. She also wasn't about to cause a scene in front of their baby.

"MOMMY!" her little boy yelled from the kitchen, jarring her from thought.

She quickly wiped her eyes dry and headed for the kitchen. She was always amused by how talkative and inquisitive RJ was and how, unlike herself, was never grouchy in the mornings. After fixing his breakfast, she sat with him at the table, keeping him company while he ate, forcing herself to smile from time to time and hiding the verge-of-tears quiver in her voice. When he was finished, he climbed down from his seat and went to the living room, intending to climb up on Bobby to awaken him and play.

"Shhhhh," Alex said to him. "Daddy's sleeping, honey. Come here by Mommy --we'll go in your room and play. The little boy eagerly ran to her and they headed off down the hall to his bedroom.

While in the midst of playing CandyLand, Alex heard Bobby bumping around in the living room. She peeked from RJ's room and watched her husband groan and stagger his way to the bathroom and, ultimately, the bedroom. Her stomach knotted as it became apparent to her just how drunk he was. Every bad feeling and memory of what she'd gone through with him three years earlier came flooding back.

"C'mon, honey. We're going to see Grandma and Grandpa," she announced, as she began grabbing various items of clothing from his dresser.

Having spent the first hour of her morning oscillating between sadness and anger, the "furious" side of her came out when, upon entering the bathroom to brush her teeth and shower, she saw how badly Bobby had missed the toilet. Although tempted to leave the mess for Bobby to clean up once he sobered up, she couldn't bring herself to do it. So, instead, she got out the Clorox and washed the toilet and floor, all the while silently cussing him out.

X X X

**_8:15 a.m._**

Alex nervously stood on the porch of her parents' house, waiting for someone to answer the door, while RJ impatiently shifted from foot to foot, anxious to see his grandparents.

Mrs. Eames finally appeared, still in her robe. "Alex! What are you doing here so early on a Saturday?" she asked, as she hugged her daughter and let her in. She then bent to pick up her grandson, who was waiting with upheld arms to hug his grandma. "How's my big boy?" she teasingly asked, while planting little kisses on his cheek and ear and neck, making the little boy giggle.

Before closing the door, Mrs. Eames looked out at the driveway. "Bobby's not with you?"

"No. He's still sleeping," Alex answered.

The annoyance in her voice didn't go undetected by her mother, but Alex avoided any further questions by heading straight for the kitchen to greet her father and grab a cup of coffee and whatever pastries were being served for breakfast.

Mrs. Eames put RJ down and the toddler ran to the kitchen, too, immediately climbing up on his grandpa's lap.

X X X

By lunch time, Alex's sister, Maggie, and her 'nephew' Nathan had arrived. The two boys played in the kiddie pool that was set up in the back yard. Mrs. Eames, Alex and Maggie kept an eye on the boys, while Mr. Eames bar-b-qued.

"Michael had to work today, but he's coming over when he gets out at three," Maggie said, then added, "Alex, is Bobby coming over later?"

Alex sat, avoiding her sister's and her mother's eyes, pretending to be preoccupied with the design she was tracing in the condensation that had accumulated on her glass of iced tea. Finally, she curtly replyed, "No, he's not."

Then, unable to holdback the tears from her anger and frustration any longer, she jumped from her chair and stormed off towards the house.

Mrs. Eames and Maggie exchanged a worried look. "You watch the boys," Mrs. Eames said. "I'm going to check on her and find out what's going on."

X X X

**4:20 p.m.**

Bobby awoke and rolled over to look at the clock. "Four-twenty," he groaned. He looked at Alex's empty side of the bed. He barely remembered what he'd done the night before. As a matter of fact, if it weren't for the pounding headach, cotton mouth and queasy feeling in his stomach, he wouldn't have had a clue. Everything was still a blur.

Now just in his boxers, he got up from bed and fought off the vertigo as he once again made his way to the bathroom. He looked at himself in the mirror and despised what he saw. He recognized the face staring back at him as the Bobby of old. He was ashamed and disgusted by himself; angry that he had given in to temptation. He brushed his teeth and splashed cold water on his face and neck, then ran his wet hands through his curly hair to tame it.

He was afraid to face Alex. He knew he had failed her --let her down. Aside from the verbal thrashing he knew he was in for, he dreaded seeing the look on her face --the same one she'd had three years ago when she mistakenly thought she'd caught him drinking at Carucci's and yanked the bottle of O'Douls from his hand. He had promised her he'd never do it again --never drink and make her life miserable, as his own mother's was. He promised that he wouldn't turn into his father.

He walked to the living room and observed his scattered clothing and as he slowly bent to pick the items up, he saw the pack of cigarettes.

The he noticed how silent the apartment was. No TV or stereo on; no happy voices of Alex and RJ playing.

When he walked to the kitchen, he found the note Alex had left on the countertop. Even her handwriting seemed angry, if that was possible. It merely said, "Gone --with RJ --at my parents' house."

"Gone," he repeated silently in his head. "Shit," was all he mumbled as he made his way back to the sofa.

He rubbed his stubbly cheeks and sank back against the cushion. "Gone. W-well, I deserve it," he chastised himself, as he felt his heart-rate increase as the reality oflosing her and his son andpanic set in. He missed them already. He _needed_ them, but he didn't dare try to call Alex yet.

He grabbed the remote for the CD player and searched out his favorite track. "God damnit," he cursed, pounding his hand onto the seat. "Why do I have to be such a fuck-up?"

As the music started, he lowered the volume a notch or two, then rested his throbbing head against the pillow, letting the melancholy tune and lyrics enveloped him.

_If I could just hide - the sinner inside __- and keep him denied_

_How sweet life would be - If I could be free -_

_From the sinner in me_

_I'll never be a saint -- that's not a picture that your memory paints --_

_Not renowned for my patience_

_I'm not renowned for my restraint..._

_But you're always around -- You can always be found --_

_to pick me up, when I'm on the ground_

_I'm still recovering_

_Still getting over all the suffering_

_More known for my anger...than for any other thing_

_But you've always tried_

_To be by my side_

_and catch my fall --when I start to slide._

_If I could just hide - the sinner inside - and keep him denied_

_How sweet life would be - If I could be free -_

_From the sinner in me..._

Bobby sobbed. He wished he could escape himself. He didn't bother wiping the tears that were streaming down his cheeks.

END Chapter 28

Musical credit: Depeche Mode - "Playing the Angel"(2005 Sire Records)Track #4, "The Sinner In Me"


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29**

Mrs. Eames hadn't been successful in eliciting any information from her daughter. Once Alex composed herself, she came out of the powder room off the kitchen and merely said it had been a stupid little spat and didn't want to talk about it. Her mother knew better than to pressure her.

And Alex, as hurt, disappointed and angry that she was, still wanted to protect Bobby and help him 'save face.' She knew how uncomfortable he'd feel around her family if they knew.

Alex tried to act 'normal' for the remainder of the day, exchanging small talk with her sister and parents, and playing with little RJ and Nathan. Thoughts of Bobby were continually in her mind. She tried to imagine what had caused his transgression; after all, he'd been doing so well for the past three years --a model husband and father. "What could've been so bad that he'd turn back to the bottle, instead of turning to me?" Alex questioned herself.

Mr. Eames had bar-b-qued supper, as well. Once done with their meal, Alex, her mom and sister cleared the plates from the patio and tended to washing dishes and cleaning the kitchen. Mr. Eames and Maggie's husband, Michael, who had arrived during the afternoon, remained out in the back yard playing with the kids.

While Mom and Maggie chatted about RJ's upcoming birthday party, Alex 'tuned out,' as her own thoughts once again turned to Bobby. She wondered about the kind of day he had today. She knew he'd be mentally beating himself up; that he'd be afraid to face her --ashamed and embarrassed. But most of all, she knew he'd be fearing the worst: that Alex would leave him, taking their son --taking his whole world and reason for living. Her feelings were once again oscillating --anger to sympathy. But underneath it all, the one feeling that remained a 'constant' was the most important: she still loved him, more than ever.

She thought back to the time he'd spent at Fair Oaks. How sweet he'd been to her as they strolled the grounds and surrounding block. How charming and sexy he'd been during their Couples' Encounter; how he had finally opened up and shown her his vulnerable side.

She remembered Bobby's words --the way he expressed his appreciation for her patience with him over the years. She remembered his response to the question that followed: _"What is the nicest...the sweetest display of emotion you've ever witnessed or received from your partner?"_ She pictured Bobby's handsome face --the way he had dipped his head to make certain his connection with her, with those gorgeous brown eyes. She remembered his voice --so soft and humble, as he answered, _"Forgiveness, I hope."_

She remembered how gentle, understanding and supportive he'd been when she finally confessed her own painful secrets to him.

Alex checked the clock on the wall over the sink. 5:45 p.m.

"Mom, do you mind if I use the phone in your bedroom?" she asked.

Mrs. Eames gave her daughter a smile, "Of course not, honey - go ahead."

Alex headed upstairs to her parent's room while, in the kitchen, her mother and Maggie exchanged a glance and a smile.

"She must be going to call Bobby," Mrs. Eames said. "They had a little spat earlier," she whispered, even though no one else was in the kitchen to overhear. "I knew she'd get over it sooner or later," she said dismissively. "After all, how can you stay mad at Bobby?" she smiled.

X X X

Upstairs, behind closed doors, Alex dialed information and obtained the number she needed. Then she dialed.

"Good evening," said the cheery voice. "Fair Oaks Center."

"Hello. I was wondering if Dr. Silver is still in," Alex said.

"Hold, please. I'm connecting you."

X X X

After being up for a few hours, the effects of Bobby's hangover began to wear off. The nauseous feeling that lingered in his stomach was due to nerves, not the liquor.

He tried to distract himself throughout the day with music and television and his favorite nervous habit: pacing. He threw away the pack of cigarettes he found on the coffee table, not remembering even buying or smoking them. He picked up his clothing from the living room and made the bed; he washed a few cups and dishes that were in the sink --he even thought he'd help Alex by cleaning the bathroom, but it was already sparkling clean. Of course, he had no recollection of having defiled it in the first place.

He fought every urge he had gotten during the day to call Alex, partially because he knew she'd need time to cool off and partially because he was _afraid_ to hear what she had to say.

Bobby hadn't eaten anything all day, except for drinking a can of Coke. It was now well past dinner time, but his stomach still felt as if it were in knots and food was the last thing on his mind.

He knew he'd screwed up so badly --he feared Alex would never forgive him. "I'm turning out just like him," he berated himself with thoughts of his father, as he sank back into the couch, glancing at the clock on the VCR which read 8:45 p.m.

He spoke out loud to himself. He didn't know why, but _hearing_ the words made the gravity of his situation more real --more painful -- and Bobby was a master at inflicting mental and emotional pain upon himself. "I'm losing my wife an-an-and my son." He wiped his already-red eyes. He couldn't believe the hurt and emptiness he was already feeling at the _mere thought_ of not having Alex by his side anymore. "And my little boy..." his voice trailed off as he stifled a sob while trying to say Robert James' name. "What am I doing to my little boy?" he punished himself with the rhetorical question.

He leaned forward on the sofa, laying his head in his hands, as his long fingers tangled in his salt and pepper curls. "Please, please, please God," he pleaded, now rocking back and forth. "You know how much I love them -- please make her give me another chance -- please make them come home," he prayed.

Seconds later, miraculously, he heard their apartment door unlock.

END Chapter 29


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30**

Bobby's heart leapt with hope at the sound of the keys unlocking the deadbolt on the front door. He quickly tempered that hope, protecting himself against the possible disappointment he'd suffer if it turned out that Alex wasn't coming home with RJ. "She probably left him with her parents and is just stopping back to pick up more belongings and clothes," he silently thought, further punishing himself with negative expectations.

He sprang up from the couch and looked towards the front door, wanting --but not wanting to find out. He felt awkward and nervous about facing her.

After more jingling of keys and the sounds of rustling paper and plastic bags, the door finally swung open.

"Daddy!" little RJ exclaimed, immediately rushing to Bobby as fast as his little legs would carry him. Bobby's smile was instantaneous, as he concentrated on his little boy. He bent and lifted RJ, instantly wrapping him in a hug, greeting him with kisses to his cheek and ear and headful of curly hair, as the little boy snuggled tightly against him.

Alex stood in the foyer, after relocking the door, and watched the 'reunion' between her husband and son.

"Daddy missed you so much today," he whispered in his little ear. "Daddy loves you so much."

As the words left his lips, Bobby's eyes caught Alex's. He was still feeling so guilty and ashamed because of what he'd done, he could barely maintain eye contact for more than a second. He diverted his eyes to the floor, then closed them, relishing the comfort he felt at having his son in his arms.

Alex began walking towards Bobby. Upon hearing her approaching footsteps, Bobby knew: _She's coming to take RJ away from me --to get him away from his disgraceful, alcoholic father._ That's what went through Bobby's guilty mind.

Eyes still closed, holding on to his little boy, he felt Alex's hand on his arm. But Bobby wasn't ready to let go yet. He jerked away, reflexively gripping RJ tighter as he half-rotated his body away from her so that she couldn't grab the boy from his embrace.

"Whoa, Bobby," she said, replacing a soothing hand on his upper arm. It took her a couple of seconds to realize why he reacted like that, but when it dawned on her, _"He actually thought I was gonna take the baby away from him,"_ her heart broke.

Bobby could still only manage a fleeting look at his wife. In a split second, his eyes darted around the living room, then were downcast on the floor.

"I love you Daddy," RJ said, patting his tiny hands against Bobby's cheeks.

Bobby once again felt the pressure of Alex's hand, now on his forearm. "I just wanted you to bend down so I could reach you and give you a kiss 'hello'," Alex said.

Bobby, still looking confused due to the unexpected nice treatment from Alex, hesitated for a moment, then obliged, leaning to his side and lowering his head to accommodate her petite height. Alex kissed his cheek. She loved how it still made her quiver when his whiskers tickled her.

"Daddy! Read me a story!" RJ exclaimed, then wriggled his signal that he wanted to be let down so he could run to his bedroom for a book.

As Bobby placed him down, Alex headed for the kitchen, toting the bags she had come home with. Bobby followed her to the kitchen, still perplexed by her calm demeanor. _"She's putting food in the fridge --it looks like they're staying. __This is too good to be true,"_ he thought, allowing himself to breathe the slightest sigh of relief.

"So, how are you feeling?" Alex asked, as she continued unpacking the bags.

Bobby wasn't sure how to answer. _"Does she really care? Does she mean physically or emotionally? Or is she just being sarcastic?_ he pondered.

Alex stopped her unpacking and turned to look at Bobby. "It's not a trick question."

He still had no response. Thinking too much was still one of his biggest downfalls.

"I mean, I'm sure you felt like hell this morning --or whatever time you woke up," she said, cocking her head and giving him a sideways glance. "But how're you feeling now?"

"My stomach felt kinda funny all day," Bobby answered. He knew he had no right to complain about his symptoms. They were his fault, after all. He didn't bother to elaborate that the bad butterflies in his stomach weren't due solely to the booze, butwere because of his nervousness and fear that she'd taken their son and left him --for good.

"Did you eat? Mom sent home some stuff from lunch and dinner. Dad bar-b-qued."

Bobby shook his head 'no'. I-I-I couldn't eat. I had a can of soda.

"Well," Alex said, turning from the fridge, "You should drink some juice or water. If you're hungry now, I'll fix you something that'll go easy on your stomach," she offered. "I don't think you're ready for ribs and bar-b-qued chicken," she said with a little smile and teasing tone to her voice.

Bobby didn't know what to think, at this point. He had been gearing himself up all day for the big blow out --the confrontation --the fighting and yelling. Again, he knew he deserved all of it.

From the corner of her eye, Alex saw RJ pass through the hall, back into the living room. Their little boy loved his nightly ritual of story time. Bobby was always so animated when he read, bringing all the stories to life for RJ's entertainment.

"Somebody's waiting for you on the couch," Alex smiled. She stepped towards Bobby and reached up with both hands, taking his cheeks between her palms, and pulled him down towards her for a kiss. "You go read. He asked me a million times on the way home if you were gonna read him a story or if he had to go to bed," she smiled. "I'll fix ya something light."

X X X

While Alex cooked, she eavesdropped on the happy father and son as Bobby read and made all the appropriate sound effects to accompany the story. She couldn't help but smile as she listened to her little boy giggle at her big man's antics.

She joined them in the living room, carrying a plate for Bobby. "Okay, RJ, time for Daddy to eat his snack," Alex said.

The little boy obediently closed his book and climbed down off Bobby's lap.

"Mommy!" he exclaimed, smiling up at Alex. "Daddy doesn't smell bad anymore."

Alex smiled back, so as not to let on that anything was wrong. She could feel Bobby's cringe at the comment and knew how the child's innocent --but true--statement must have bothered him.

"That's good, honey," Alex answered. "Didn't I tell you he'd be all better from his tummy ache?"

RJ nodded and smiled, and ran back to his bedroom.

Alex sat next to Bobby and handed him his plate and set his cup of tea down on the table.

He looked at her as he accpeted the plate. She loved his expressive face --the way his eyebrows raised, causing little wrinkles in his forehead, as he nodded and said "Thank you."

He leaned forward, resting the plate on his splayed right hand, while he took the fork in his left and eagerly "dug in" to his scrambled eggs and toast.

Alex reached out and rubbed his back while he ate. She wanted to let Bobby know that she was there for him. It was second nature for her to do so, anyway, but even Dr. Silver had reminded her during their earlier conversation of Bobby's need for the reassurance of human contact --_her contact,_ specifically."Remember, Alex: when he's 'down' --just like three years ago-- _**that's**_ **_when he needs you the most." _**Alex knew the Doctor's words were true.

"This is good, thanks," Bobby said between bites, then took a sip of his tea.

"You're welcome," Alex answered, still absent-mindedly rubbing small circles on his broad back.

"I suppose you know we're gonna have to talk, once RJ's tucked in for the night."

She felt the rise and fall of his body as he inhaled and exhaled a resigned breath. He nodded his head slightly, "I know."

"I might as well tell you now, we have an appointment with Doctor Silver tomorrow morning at eleven."

She immediately felt Bobby stiffen when the words left her mouth. He placed his fork down on the plate, too hard, making a banging noise against the china.

"You can't do that! You're not committing me there again for thirty days! he vehemently protested.

"You're not getting _committed_ anywhere, Bobby. It's just an appointment to talk. Obviously something went wrong yesterday and since you didn't want to talk to me, you're _going_ to talk to him. It's for _your_ own good which, in turn, is for RJ's and my own good. It's not negotiable. My parents will be here at 9:30 to watch the baby."

"Okay," he nodded slightly, acquiescing. He knew he shouldn't have reacted as he did. He reminded himself how lucky he was that Alex even came home and was speaking to him.

"Eat up," she said, then leaned over and placed a kiss on his temple. "I'll be right back. I'm just gonna go put my nightgown on," she said, then toussled his hair. "Dont worry. Everything's gonna be all right," Alex assured him.

Bobby appreciated her reassuring words. He was sure she believed them. She _could_, for now. Because Alex didn't yet know what Bobby knew.

END Chapter 30


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter 31**

Bobby continued eating his eggs, while Alex, still sitting next to him, filled him in on the events of the day. When he was finished, he began to rise from the sofa to bring his dish to the sink.

"I've got that," Alex said, taking the plate from him and heading for the kitchen.

At the same time, RJ once again emerged from his bedroom, this time toting a different book.

"Read more, Daddy," he urged.

Alex called from the kitchen, "No more stories tonight, young man. It's late. You're going to bed."

The little boy gave a hopeful look towards Bobby.

"Sorry, buddy. Mommy's right --it's late for you."

Bobby stood, scooping up the little boy in his arms. "You want me to give him a bath and get him in his pj's?" he asked.

"No, that's all right," Alex answered from the kitchen, then came to the doorway between the kitchen and living room.

Upon hearing her answer in the negative, Bobby thought to himself, _"Oh, here we go...she's gonna keep me away from him...pretend she doesn't want my help...t-to punish me."_

And just as the thought crossed his mind, Alex spoke again, "He spent so much time in the little pool with Nathan today, he can't be dirty -- I thought he was gonna shrivel up!" Alex joked. "Could you do me a favor, Bobby, and just see that he brushes his teeth before you get his pj's on. I'll be in to kiss him good-night in a bit."

Bobby happily agreed, tickling and teasing the boy as they headed down the hall. Alex's cheerful demeanor made him feel guilty for his accusatory thoughts.

Once RJ had his teeth brushed, his pj's on and was tucked into bed, Alex joined Bobby to kiss their son good-night and wish him "sweet dreams."

But, now that RJ was sequestered in his bedroom, Bobby assumed the "fireworks" were about to begin. He dreaded returning to the living room, knowing that Alex was gonna 'start it' on him.

Back in the living room, Alex turned off the TV and hit "play" on the CD remote. She recognized the depressing, moody tune that began playing --realizing that Bobby must've been torturing himself with the somber lyrics all day. She hit the "stop" button and the apartment fell into an uncomfortable silence.

Alex turned towards Bobby on couch, tucking her left leg under. She reached out and stroked his silver temple. Speaking softly, because she knew their son wasn't asleep yet, she asked, "Are you ready to talk?"

She watched his body language; his deep breath; his shoulders slumping, he hung his head in shame, but he nodded in the affirmative, nonetheless.

"The first thing I want to say is..." she began.

He dreaded hearing it. Hearing about how disappointed she was in him. He braced himself.

"I'm sorry..." Alex continued

Bobby head pivoted toward her, a look of disbelief --not understanding-- clear on his face. "You're sorry? I'm the one..."

Alex held up her hand in protest and Bobby quieted immeidately. She continued, "I'm sorry I didn't call you during the day. I should've called to see how you were feeling. I should've called to let you know that RJ and I would be coming home tonight."

Bobby shook he head, his ears not believing what he was hearing.

"I know you Bobby. I know how you think," she continued. " You sat here all day, beating yourself up --worrying that RJ and I weren't coming home --thinking that you've lost us. I shouldn't have made you go through that."

"It's not your fault," Bobby said. It's all my fault. I-I'm j-just so --relieved you came home."

Alex ran her fingers through his hair and he leaned his head into her, nuzzling closer against her palm. This definitely wasn't going the way he imagined it would.

"I'm not gonna lie to you, Bobby. I was angry this morning -- very angry. I was angry that RJ had to see you like that."

"Did he really say I smelled funny?"

"He came and woke me up --he said you smelled bad --that you didn't smell like his daddy," Alex answered. Then she tapped Bobby's nose with her index finger, "He's got your nose," she smiled.

Bobby shook his head, annoyed and disgusted with himself. "I'm sorry."

"Well, anyway, I was so mad when I saw the condition you left the bathroom in, I purposely left that note --I knew I had worded it ambiguously --to punish you --to keep you guessing if we'd be back or not."

"I deserved it," Bobby said, rubbing his face with his hands, sitting forward.

"No you didn't," Alex answered. "You don't deserve to be treated cruelly, Bobby. It was juvenile and spiteful of me." She was rubbing his back now. Bobby couldn't believe his ears. He had been preparing himself all day to face Alex's big blow up, but, instead, she was treating him gently, calmly --soothing him.

I'm not angry with you; I'm angry at the **hold** that the liquor has over you, but it's not your fault. It's a _sickness_."

"C'mere, sweetie," she said, pulling Bobby's towards her, clutching his head against her heart. She kissed his curls. "I married you for better or worse --in _sickness _and in health. You've been a perfect husband and Daddy for three years. We'll see Dr. Silver tomorrow and get you back on track."

She felt Bobby's head nod a 'yes' against her chest. The two of them sat in silence for another ten minutes, Alex alternately stroking his hair and his cheek; Bobby listening to the steady rhythm of her heart --a heart, he realized, that loved him more than any other ever had.

X X X

Bobby, Alex and RJ woke up early on Sunday morning. They had some play time and their breakfast. As Alex cleared the dishes from the table, the telephone rang.

"Hello?" Bobby answered.

"Good morning honey," the cheery voice on the other end of the line said. "I was just wondering if you and Alex still needed Dad and I to come and babysit little Bobby."

"Um, yeah...yes, we do," Bobby answeed, slightly confused. "But if you can't make it, we can try to find somebody else," he added.

Alex turned from the sink.

"Oh," Mrs. Eames said. Now she was the one sounding confused. "It's just that, its raining cats and dogs --Dad doesn't think they'll be able to have the car show today."

Finally, it became apparent to Bobby that Alex had lied to her parents as to why they needed a babysitter. Bobby, thinking quickly, answered, "Oh, its umm, its indoors."

"Oh, okay then, honey. We're leaving the house now. We'll be there at 9:30."

"Thanks, Ma see you then." Bobby hung up the phone.

"Sorry," Alex said. "I told them that we were going to a car show with Lewis, then out for an early supper."

"You could've told them the truth, Alex. I don't want you lying to your parents on my account," Bobby admonished her.

"Well, I was trying to protect you --us. I don't want everybody all up in our personal business."

Bobby mumbled a "thanks," then said, "I'm going to take a shower and get dressed."

X X X

Aside from the new carpet in the entrance hall, everything at the Fair Oaks Center looked the same. Bobby glanced around nervously, taking in the passersby. Memories of his stay there -both good and bad- came rushing back. His memories ended on a good note, however, when he glanced upstairs at the room at the end of the hall. He couldn't believe that three years had passed since his first night of making love to Alex up in that room.

Alex reached for his hand, trying to comfort him and give him courage as they approached Dr. Silver's office. They opened the door, stepped in and were immediately greeted by the smiling, blond receptionist.

"Good morning, Mr. and Mrs. Goren?"

"Yes," Alex replied, while a nervous Bobby merely nodded.

"I'll tell Dr. Silver you're here."

She spoke to the doctor over the intercom and, within seconds, the door swung open and Dr. Silver emerged.

"Robert, Alex! Good to see you!" he exclaimed, approaching them to shake their hands.

"Come in --have a seat," he said, as he gestured towards his office.

Bobby, out of habit, claimed the same chair he always used to sit in during his counseling sessions with the doctor.

After exchanging the normal small talk and pleasantries, Dr. Silver, in his usual "no nonsense" style, decided to get down to business.

"So, Robert..." he began.

Bobby fidgeted in his chair, finding it difficult to maintain eye contact with the doctor.

"Alex called me yesterday. She told me you had a little set back on Friday night."

_"That's an understatement,"_ Bobby thought to himself, then answered, "Y-y-yes."

Alex looked at her husband sympathetically. She knew how difficult this was for him.

"Do you have any idea what caused you to drink again?" Dr. Silver asked. "Any problems at home, or work --anything putting extraordinary stress or pressure on you?"

_"Extraordinary stress --that's a good one,"_ Bobby thought to himself. He wouldn't dare say that one out loud--not with Alex in the room. So, instead, Bobby gave a dismissive wave of his left hand and said, "Nuth-nothing out of the ordinary." He watched the doctor make some notations --and felt guilty for lying.

"Okay, Robert. Getting back to Friday night -- Is that the first time you've drank since you left the program here three years ago?"

Alex reached and patted Bobby's arm, giving him aproud, admiring look. "It's the first time -- I've been so proud of him --for three years he's been a perfect husband and father."

Dr. Silver knew Bobby -- knew him well. He saw Bobby's downcast eyes while Alex raved on about him.

The doctor smiled slightly, thinking Alex was sweet for being so supportive. But he knew better. He held up his hand and said, "I can see you love him, very much, Alex --but let's let Bobby answer the question."

He watched Bobby cringe at his words. He actually shrunk in his seat, leaning towards is left, away from Alex.

Dr. Silver had no problem interpreting that body language. He knew bad news was on the way --and felt bad that Alex would be learning the truth for the first time.

"Bobby? Will you answer the question?"

Bobby hesitated and squirmed. "No," he answered softly --ashamed.

He felt Alex's eyes upon him. She was fully alert now, bolted upright in her seat.

"No, what?" the doctor pressed on. His eyes caught Alex's for a split second.

"No," Bobby repeated, letting out a long sigh of defeat. "Friday was not the first time." He hung his head down, afraid to look at either of the two people in the room.

"When did you start drinking again, Bobby?" the doctor calmly asked --hoping that Alex would pick up on his "calm" vibe and remain that way herself --especially once Bobby revealed his answer.

"Th- about three months ago," he answered meekly.

The look on Alex's face was no longer so sympathetic.

END Chapter 31


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter 32**

Even Dr. Silver was startled by the sudden change in Alex's expression. He hoped that she would maintain her "cool" and sit by, silently, while the doctor continued his exchange with Bobby.

He also noticed Bobby's body language becoming more withdrawn, as he shifted uncomfortably in his seat, the subject of Alex's scrutinizing glare.

"All right, Robert," Dr. Silver began again, "We know from our past dialogues --and, I'm not revealing anything here that Alex doesn't already know from the last time -- you've used alcohol as a temporary 'fix' ...an escape from facing a reality that you feel you can't cope with. Do you want to tell me what brought on those feelings three months ago?"

Bobby remained still; quiet. Alex's eyes shifted between her husband and Dr. Silver.

The Doctor remembered that it usually took Bobby a while to open up --to get up the courage to find his voice.  
Alex knew that tendency of her husband as well, but she was losing her patience far more quickly than Dr. Silver. After almost two minutes' worth of Bobby gazing down at the floor, avoiding their eyes and avoiding an answer, Alex couldn't take the frustration anymore.

"Go ahead, Bobby! Why _don't_ you tell us what's been going on with you for the past three months -- obviously, you've been lying to me for that long."

Dr. Silver watched Bobby sulk deeper into his chair. Bobby remained silent. He knew Alex's 'blow up' was going to come sooner or later, but her words and harsh tone still caught him off guard. He felt tears welling around the rims of his eyes; felt his bottom lip begin to quiver. He raised his left hand, already balled into a fist, and pressed his knuckles against his mouth to hold back the sob he felt rising in his chest.

The Doctor noticed Bobby's increased level of emotional discomfort. Several minutes had now passed and it was obvious that Bobby couldn't, or wouldn't answer. The doctor needed to diffuse the tension in the room and try a different approach.

"It's okay, Bobby. Just take a deep breath and try to relax. It's okay."

Alex shot the doctor a look that said "Are YOU crazy? It definitely is NOT okay."

Dr. Silver spoke again, "Robert. I'd like to make a suggestion that I think will help you." Bobby always liked the way the doctor spoke to him. He always had a calming effect and, since it was apparent that he'd lost Alex as his ally, he figured he might as well listen to the man who was trying to help him.

Bobby's eyes glanced up at the doctor, showing his interest in what the doctor had to say.

Dr. Silver leaned forward on his his desk, calmly folding his hands in front of him. "I'm going to suggest, Robert, that you sign on as a private patient of mine."

Bobby began to protest, misunderstanding the doctor's intent. "I'm not staying here...I'm can't be locked up for thirty days again!"

The Doctor interrupted, "That's not what I meant, Robert. I'm talking about private-patient therapy, one-on-one with me, on an out-patient basis."

Bobby's eyes now held the doctor's, with interest, silently asking him to continue and explain further.

"It would restore our doctor/patient relationship of confidentiality. You'd be free to say whatever it is you need to --to get off your chest-- and obviously there _is_ something."

Bobby gave a small nod, in agreement. Dr. Silver opened his drawer and removed a form, filling in some information. He passed the form across the desk for Bobby to sign.

Alex sat, wide-eyed with disbelief, shifting looks between Bobby and Dr. Silver. She couldn't believe that the doctor would do something so underhanded --intentionally not including her. She didn't like it one bit.

Alex's glare almost prevented Bobby from signing the paper. He was afraid of the consequences. But, with hesitation, he picked up the pen and signed his name. He didn't look at Alex --he couldn't. He had trusted Dr. Silver in the past to do what was best for him when he wasn't thinking straight for himself. He decided that he would trust him again --he needed to. He couldn't go back to the way he was three years earlier --he'd lose Alex and RJ for sure, if he reverted to that path.

Bobby handed the form back to the doctor, who gave it a quick look-over.

Dr. Silver rose from his chair. "Alex, I'm sorry. As I'm sure you realize, I'm going to have to ask you to leave for the remainder of Robert's appointment. I'll take you to the recreation room --there's TV, or books and magazines to help you pass the time."

The Doctor rounded his desk and approached Alex's chair. When she stood, the Doctor gently touched her elbow to guide her from the room.

"Sure," she said sarcastically. "_You_ talk to him, _**confidentially**_. Lord knows he doesn't talk to me. He's all yours!"

Her caustic barb hit Bobby straight in the heart and the gut. He knew his wife was royally pissed off at being excluded --being kept in the dark even longer. He reached out his hand --needing her reassurance --one last touch to remind him that she still cared. She walked passed him, heading straight for the door, without a second glance.

X X X

Dr. Silver escorted Alex down the winding hallways to the recreation room. He tried to be accommodating and said to Alex, "Of course, if the rain stops, you're welcome to go outside on the patio...oh and..." He motioned with his thumb, "There are vending machines right over there, if you get thirsty or want a snack."

Alex was fuming; livid. It was apparent to the Doctor, too, and he didn't want to leave her in that state of mind. The last thing he wanted was for Alex to be "stewing" for the next couple of hours, then take out her anger on Bobby during their drive home.

When they reached the recreation room, Alex took a spot on a small sofa and began perusing the magazines that were scattered about the table in front of her. Dr. Silver stood, watching her, knowing that he needed to get through to her and calm her down.

To Alex's surprise, instead of returning to his office to attend to Bobby, Dr. Silver sat down on the cushion next to her.

"Alex. You understand why I thought that would be best --for Robert, don't you?"

Alex tossed the three-month old issue of Reader's Digest back onto the table. She didn't want to speak with the doctor--not now, with the quiver in her voice, on the verge of tears, herself, from her anger and frustration.

"Alex," he said again, this time lightly touching her shoulder. "_You_ called _me_ on Saturday looking for help. I'm not saying that your feelings aren't important, but for right now, they _are_ secondary. Bobby is the one who's sick and needs our help. I know you love Bobby --no matter what problems or hurdles you two need to get over, you love him. If you didn't, you wouldn't have bothered calling."

While he spoke, he felt Alex's shoulders relax. He knew his words were getting through to her.

When she began talking, her voice quivered, as she knew it would. "It's just so frustrating," she moaned. "Never really knowing what he's thinking or feeling when he gets like this...knowing now that he's been deceitful with me...I just don't understand him...I just don't understand what's so terrible about our life together that he'd need to drink to 'escape' anything." She sniffed and dabbed her eyes and Dr. Silver passed her the box of Kleenex from the end table.

"Well, I'm sure he doesn't think your life is terrible. I'm going to try my hardest to get to the bottom of his relapse, today. I can't pressure him too hard, though. You know how that makes him shut down. And you _also_ know that if Bobby feels he doesn't have you in his corner, he's gonna be far too distracted to pay attention to me during his session."

Alex nodded. "I know. I don't want him to be more upset than he already is, either."

"Do you mean that?" Dr. Silver asked.

Alex looked at the doctor incredulously. "Of course I mean it!"

"Good. Then you know what to do. You've got five minutes."

X X X

Bobby sat waiting in Dr. Silver's office. He was tempted to just up and leave --run. But he knew he needed help; wanted help. But being able to stay away from the bottle was just half of his problem. He wondered what was taking Dr. Silver so long to return to his office, but figured that he must be talking to Alex. Then the door behind him opened. Bobby actually dreaded the sound: it meant that Silver was back and it was time for his session to begin.

Bobby was totally caught off guard when, instead of seeing Dr. Silver reclaim his chair behind the desk, his wife rounded the chair he was sitting in and made herself comfortable on his lap. He couldn't stop the little smile that overtook his lips whenever she was near.

Alex leaned against his chest, wrapping her arms around his neck. She kissed his cheek.

"I'm sorry, Bobby. I -I was just angry --frustrated. I didn't mean to say those mean things. I should've taken your hand before I left...given you a kiss 'good-bye.'

Bobby tightened his hug around Alex, then raised his hand to stroke her hair. "It's okay. You came back..._you came back_."

Alex righted herself and took Bobby's face between her hands. She forced a little smile of encouragement, then kissed his lips. "I'd better get going so Dr. Silver can get back in here --we're paying by the hour, you know," she joked, trying to lighten the mood.

X X X

Forty-five minutes into his session, Bobby was still hesitating before answering the doctor's questions. Silver was becoming worried that no progress would be made. He knew that Bobby was savvy enough with psychological games to evade certain questions or answers.

Finally, he said, "Robert, do you remember when you were here three years ago, I told you that the hardest part is just getting started. Whatever you need to say, just ---blurt it out. We'll deal with it. I promise you."

Bobby remained silent for another minute, then watched as Dr. Silver picked up the phone and dialed on the intercom.

"Robin, cancel the remainder of my appointments for today. Yes, everything. If my wife calls, take a message."

Silver replaced the receiver on the cradle and looked at Bobby; a look that conveyed his message: _"So there...you're not gonna sit there and chew up your two hour appointment time and get nothing accomplished. I've got all day now. So get talking."_

"_Damn_," Bobby thought to himself. "_This damn doctor knows me too well."_ Bobby genuinely admired Silver.

When Bobby reached for his brown leather portfolio, Dr. Silver feared that he was about to stand up and leave. Instead, Bobby unzipped the bulging case, leafed through a few pages, and removed a few sheets. Bobby placed his folio on the corner of the doctor's desk, then briefly perused the pages he'd selected.

Bobby leaned forward, still wordlessly, and handed the pages to the doctor.

Dr. Silver had no problem interpreting the expression on Bobby's face. It said, _"Here, take a look at this. Then maybe you'll understand what the fuck I've been going through for the past three months."_

Silver took the papers and relaxed back against his chair. His relaxation lasted less than thirty seconds. The doctor bolted upright, then sat forward. His eyes glanced up to share a look of disbelief --a horrified look --with Bobby's. But the reading was too captivating and Silver immediately turned his attention back to the pages. After reading and turning over four or five pages, he came upon the last.

The doctor's eyes widened with disbelief, then immediately squinted for a better look. He shot a worried glance up at Bobby, then looked down at the paper once again.

"What the hell?" the doctor mumbled. "What am I looking at here, Robert?"

"You're looking at the skeletal remains of a three-year old little girl," Bobby answered flatly.

"I -I don't understand," Silver said, running a hand through his hair, unable to tear his gaze away from the sickening image.

Bobby sat forward, elbows resting on the chair's arms, laced fingers dangling and twisting nervouslyin front of him. "My son turns three next Sunday," he said. "And if the mother of that little girl has her way, he'll look just like that. He'll never see four."

END Chapter 32


	33. Chapter 33

A/N: Thanks to all who have followed / reviewed this story. I apologize profusely for the long gap between updates. I rarely have spare time anymore and wanted to finish "A Symbol of Love" before returning my attentions to this story.

**All of the usual disclaimers apply.**

Chapter 33 

Bobby sat, silently, watching as Dr. Silver flipped back to the first page and began re-reading. He wanted to give Silver all the time he needed –Bobby knew it was a lot to absorb and try to comprehend. But he could tell from the doctor's changing facial expressions that Silver was absorbing it all –and at least _trying_ to comprehend the depths of Nicole Wallace's sickness.

As he read the notes the doctor's face revealed so much: disbelief, disgust and, from a purely psychiatric standpoint– _utter fascination_.

Finally, the doctor stacked the pages, tapping them against his desk to straighten them, and laid them down on his blotter. He looked up at Bobby, sharing an expression of deep concern.

"I need to know whatever you know about this woman," Silver stated, matter-of-factly. "From what I've read here so far, I have no doubt that she's capable of carrying this threat to fruition."

"I have no doubt, either," Bobby answered, nervously brushing fist across his lips.

Silver removed his eyeglasses and leaned back in his chair, giving a pensive stare at the sheets of paper laying on his desk. He shook his head, slightly, from side to side. "Fascinating psychopathy," he muttered.

Bobby nodded in agreement, his eyebrows raised a bit. "I have other words for her," he tried to make a small joke.

Silver leaned forward, folding his hands and resting them atop the papers. "I need you to tell me something, Robert – and I expect you to be honest."

Bobby nodded his agreement.

"Do you have a history with this woman?"

Bobby bolted upright. "A history?"

"Yes" Silver said. "A history. A romantic involvement?"

Bobby almost laughed. "No, no…" he shook his head in the negative. "We have a history, but nothing like that. Our 'history' is purely in the police record books."

Bobby relaxed back against the chair again. "Why? Why would you ask that?"

Silver picked up the papers and waved them demonstratively as he spoke. "I'm reading between the lines here, Robert. I see a lot of jealousy here – a lot of resentment." He laid the papers back down.

"She hates Alex and me – for ruining her life, she blames us for…"

Silver abruptly held up his hand, causing Bobby to pause. "She hates Alex and your son. You? I wouldn't be so sure."

Bobby looked at Silver incredulously. "It's pretty obvious," Bobby huffed, waving his left arm and gesturing towards the papers. "She wants to kill my wife and child! …To…to punish me. She knows it's the only _real_ way of hurting me."

Silver sank against his chair and nonchalantly replied, "Or, maybe she just wants to get rid of the competition?"

X X X

Two and one-half hours had passed. It was still raining. Alex sat by the windows in the small lounge, bored, worried and getting more impatient by the minute. She'd read all the stale issues of magazines she'd cared to and, for the past forty-five minutes had been lost in thought, watching the raindrops accumulate and stream down the window pane. Distant flashes of lightning caught her eye from time to time and low, rumbling thunder vibrated the window seat under her.

"What the heck could they be talking about for so long?" she asked herself. "Well, I guess it's good it is taking this long," she said, trying to talk herself into optimism. "At least that means he's finally talking!"

She grabbed her purse and dug out some money for the vending machine. That last rumble was her stomach –not the thunder.

X X X

Dr. Silver sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. If he didn't know that Bobby could produce the Police reports to back it up, the doctor would've had a hard time believing that everything Bobby said was true.

"So, there you have it. Everything," Bobby said to the doctor.

"You realize that Alex needs to be told," Silver said.

"I –I still have time," Bobby tried to stall. "RJ's birthday isn't for another week."

Now it was Silver's incredulous look that startled Bobby. The doctor leaned forward and stared at Bobby in amazement. "You can't be serious?"

Bobby merely raised his left hand with a dismissive gesture.

"You do realize, Robert – if this woman carries out her threat –if any harm comes to your son—if you don't tell Alex the truth and at least give her the forewarning and opportunity to protect her child – she'll **_never_** forgive you. Are you really ready to risk that? Not to mention the fact that you'll never be able to forgive yourself, either!"

"Look, Dr. Silver. RJ's birthday is a week away. Nicole…Nicole _isn't_ gonna **do** anything before then."

Dr. Silver couldn't believe his ears. He was stunned and almost panicked at finding himself at a loss for the right words to emphasize how dangerous this 'cat and mouse' game was and sway Bobby's decision.

"How can you be so sure?" the Doctor demanded.

"Because," Bobby began. "Because I know her. She won't do anything _before _he's three –that's her whole point. He _has to be_ the same age as her daughter was, or it'll lose all symbolic value to her. He _has to_ be three."

Silver sighed with resignation. "And you're so sure? You know this woman…this evil…so well?"

"I do," Bobby nodded.

"Tell me, then, Robert," Silver smugly said. "If you know her so well, how has she gotten away with all this? Why is she still out there…on the loose?

The doctor's 'dig' hit Bobby squarely in the gut. "Because –sh-she's resourceful and thorough. She's conniving and manipulative. Sh-she's brilliant," he hated to admit.

In a sick way, the doctor was satisfied by the fact that Bobby, at least, gave credit where it was due. It meant he wasn't underestimating his opponent –he knew, full well, what he was up against.

"Smarter than you?" Silver pressed on.

"We'll see," Bobby replied.

END CHAPT. 33


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter 34**

"_We'll see_?" Dr. Silver repeated. The sarcasm and disbelief in his voice was evident.

Bobby was taken aback and it suddenly became apparent to him that he hadn't swayed the doctor. He shifted nervously in his chair.

Silver leaned forward, his forearms resting on his desk. He looked Bobby squarely in the eye. "I'm going to be honest with you, Robert. I find your cavalier attitude somewhat –no, _very_ disturbing."

"Cavalier!" Bobby exclaimed. "I'm anything _but_ cavalier! I've been worried sick for the past three months! Hell, for the past three _years_ that this sick bitch would try something like this!" His voice was raised and he leaned forward and slammed his hand down on top of the paperwork.

Silver purposely kept his calm demeanor. "Robert, let's return to the reason you're here today."

Bobby's eyes grew wide, his eyebrows raised. "_That's_ the reason I'm here today!" he barked, pointing a nervously-shaking finger at the paperwork.

The doctor remained quiet for a moment, then let out a sigh. "No, the reason we're here today is because you started drinking again and your wife called me for help."

Bobby sank against the chair and rubbed is hands over his face. He had no reply.

Silver continued. "You have to tell your wife."

Bobby shook his head, 'no.'

"Robert." Silver waited before speaking. Bobby's eyes were downcast, avoiding the doctor's face. Finally, he looked up and, once Silver knew he had his full attention, he continued.

"As your doctor, I have a legal responsibility to do what is in your best interests. But not only _your_ best interests. Now that I know what I do about this…_very real_ threat, I would be violating my Hippocratic oath if I sat idly by and let harm come to any human being. Whatever it is that's clouding your judgment –whether it's the liquor, or your personal vendetta against this woman, or both, I have serious doubts, right now, about your ability to think clearly. There's the issue of your relapse to drinking that still needs to be addressed…and, then, there's the issue of jeopardizing the safety of your wife and child. Clearly, you're not thinking straight."

"What are you saying? Bobby asked.

"I've always liked you, Robert," Silver began, managing a slight smile. "I didn't want it to come to the point where my hand was forced, but I'm afraid you've left me no choice in the matter."

"Wh-what do you mean? You're not keeping me here!" Bobby exclaimed with panic, leaping from his chair.

"Then I suggest that we call Alex back in here and you tell her the truth," Silver firmly stated. "You do that –you go home today and continuing seeing me on an out-patient basis to get your recovery back on track."

"Or?" Bobby asked, now pacing around the office.

"Or I go tell Alex everything and tell her that I recommend you stay. As your wife, she can sign the commitment papers."

"That's blackmail, th—that's—that's…" Bobby's stammering worsened with his nervousness.

"Or, I have the option of pressing this little button under my desk," Silver said, tapping his fingers under the lip of his desk. "If I do that, Security comes –with four of our biggest, strongest Orderlies. I really hope it doesn't come to that, Robert."

Bobby spun around and glared at the doctor. His face was myriad with emotion.

"Those are your options, Robert." Silver sat forward, sympathetically watching Bobby. He knew his patient's anxiety level had just gone through the roof.

Bobby stepped towards the desk and, for a split second, Silver worried about his own safety, but held his ground. Bobby collapsed back into the chair, resigned to his situation.

"Robert, before I call Alex back in, I want you to tell me: why didn't you tell her? She's a police officer –she's dealt with this—Miss Wallace before. Why didn't you just tell her?"

Bobby sighed and rubbed his cheek. "To-to protect her." He realized how stupid his answer sounded and sunk deeper into the chair.

Silver remembered back to some of his sessions with Bobby three years earlier. He remembered how Bobby always somehow managed to get things backwards where Alex was concerned. He fought back the smile that he felt trying to creep upon his lips. The Doctor knew that Bobby's heart was always in the right place. In typical fashion, there was no judgment or 'attack' by Silver. He merely said, "Go on –explain it to me."

Bobby began talking, going all the way back to three years earlier –the day he was discharged and brought Alex to reconnect with her estranged sister and see her 'nephew.' He wanted the Doctor to understand how important it was to him that Alex finally had a baby of her own –that she hadn't gone home empty-handed the second time.

He continued explaining about how devastated Alex was after her miscarriage of the baby that would've been RJ's little brother. She still wasn't over it –Bobby knew she never would be, nor would he.

He explained how he just wanted to give her a happy life, with no problems or worries –so she'd just be able to be a happy wife and mother –it was all she ever wanted.

Silver finally interrupted. "Everyone has problems or worries in life, of one kind or another, Robert. Every marriage has its ups and downs."

"I know, I know," Bobby said. "I'm being unrealistic."

"Or, maybe, idealistic," Silver joked. I can't fault you for that."

"Now, tell me Robert. What were _your_ reasons for not telling her?"

Bobby looked at his questioningly. "My _reasons_? I just _told_ you my reasons," he answered with an impatient wave of his hand.

"I mean _your personal_ reasons –your _selfish_ reasons."

It might've been three years since the last time Bobby sat in this chair, but he realized Silver knew him. Knew him _well_. His chest heaved a sigh and he looked down at the floor as he began his answer.

"I –I—I was afraid." Bobby fidgeted. "I-I thought…what if it _was_ just some sick joke –she likes to torment me, ya know –Nicole. If I had told Alex right away, well, she might have –she would have. I was afraid she would take the baby and go away –somewhere safe—to get away from Nicole."

Silver nodded. He'd been scribbling notes for the past few minutes.

"Bu-but she wouldn't be safe….out there…all alone."

"_You_ wouldn't feel that she was safe." Silver interjected.

"How _could_ I? Out there –God knows where, with my son –without me there to protect them."

"Or were you more afraid that _you'd_ be left home—alone?" Silver dared to ask. A direct hit.

Silver sat, patiently. He watched his patient think. He saw the fist nervously rubbing against pursed lips.

"And the return to drinking," Silver continued. "How was that going to help the situation?"

"It wasn't going to, _obviously_. It's just what us alcoholics do," Bobby answered with a note of sarcasm.

"I think that's it for right now, Robert. Let's call Alex back in."

Bobby took a deep breath, steeling himself for the approaching confrontation. It wasn't going to be pretty.

X X X

The major blow up had occurred back in Dr. Silver's office. Silver kept them there, talking it out, until he was sure that the worst of it had been diffused and Alex and Bobby were composed enough to head home.

The rain had finally stopped, but the day remained raw and dismal. Once in the SUV and heading back, Alex called home to make sure everything was all right. She told her mother not to bring RJ outside to play, even though the weather had cleared –lying that he had woken up with a slight fever.

They drove in utter silence –not even the radio on for distraction. Bobby was afraid –fearful of what she'd do, once they arrived home, and fearful of where he stood in her eyes –or, more importantly, in her heart.

Alex was fuming. She went over and over in her mind the revelations of the day and Bobby's warped reasoning and excuses for not telling her. Finally, she could contain her anger no longer. Her voice startled him.

"Protect me, my ass!" she sneered. "I can't believe you, Bobby!" she said, taking a quick glimpse to her right, annoyance furrowing her brown. She stepped on the gas harder. She couldn't wait to get home.

He sat silently as she laced into him, knowing that he deserved it.

"Protect me!" she scoffed at him. "Do I need to remind you that _I'm_ the one who's faster on the trigger than you? You wanna see 'protection'? If I see that psycho bitch comes within a mile of my baby –I'll show you protection!"

"A-alex," Bobby stammered. "Maybe I should drive…maybe you're too upset to dri…"

"You know what Bobby? Maybe _you_ should just shut up and be glad you're in that passenger seat and that I didn't leave your stupid ass back at Fair Oaks!"

She hit the gas harder.

He cringed –and obeyed.

END Chapter 34


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter 35 

The drive continued in a very uncomfortable silence. Bobby wanted to speak –to apologize to Alex and at least get the lines of communication flowing between them.

"_Even getting yelled at again would be better than this silence,_" he thought to himself.

He fought every urge he had to open his mouth because he realized she was right: he was grateful for the fact that he was going home and that she hadn't committed him for another stint in Fair Oaks.

As they emerged from the Holland Tunnel back to the New York side, he asked, "Mind if I turn on the radio?" That was as daring a question that he cared to venture.

"Go ahead," Alex answered flatly, keeping her eyes straight ahead.

Bobby reached for the controls and punched the power button. He relaxed back against the seat, grateful for the distraction of the noise.

First, there was static...then music filled the cab. He recognized The Pretenders.

"...It's a thin line, between love and hate..."

He lurched forward and stabbed at the button for the next programmed station as quickly as he could. The last thing he needed was to add fuel to the fire.

More static while the station tuned in properly, followed by music. This time it was Squeeze.

"If I didn't love you I'd hate you..."

Bobby let out frustrated sigh as he lurched forward again, this time hitting the 'power off' button. He sank back against the plush leather, resigned to suffering in silence for the remainder of the ride.

Alex had to fight back the smile of satisfaction that was forcing its way onto her lips. She turned her head to the left, pretending to be checking the side view mirror so that Bobby wouldn't see her enjoyment. It seemed even the 'radio Gods' were on her side.

Finally home, she maneuvered into their parking space and turned off the ignition.

As she flung open her door and climbed down out the truck, she warned Bobby, "Remember to try to act _normal_. I don't want a million questions from my mother and I _definitely_ don't want RJ picking up the bad vibes."

"Right...normal," Bobby muttered and followed her up the stairs.

Alex opened the lock and Bobby, still a gentleman, reached forward to turn the knob and open the door for her. As they stepped inside, they found Alex's parents sitting on the couch and RJ kneeling on the floor between them, coloring in his book on the coffee table.

When he heard the door unlatch, RJ turned his head and smiled.

"Where's my little boy?" She smiled, teasing him.

He scrambled to his feet and headed towards the front door, giggling and holding his arms out. He ran past Alex, excitedly yelling "Daddy!"

Bobby immediately bent and scooped the little boy into his arms, wrapping him in a big hug and kissing his ears and neck playfully.

"How's my little man?" Bobby said, poking at and tickling his side.

Alex couldn't help but feel slighted, even though she knew all kids went through a phase where they gravitated to one parent more than the other. She also couldn't help the warm feeling that filled her heart whenever she saw Bobby and RJ together.

"You're home early!" Alex's mom said. "We thought you were going for dinner, too."

Alex wrinkled her nose, "Nah, we changed our minds. We ate so much junk for lunch at the car show, none of us was hungry."

"How is Lewis doing?" Johnny Eames asked.

"Oh, he's okay. Same old Lewis. He said to tell ya both 'hi!'" Alex lied again.

Bobby liked his secret revenge of seeing her put on the spot, then felt a pang of guilt. She was, after all, 'covering' for him –to help _him_ save face with the family.

"Do-do you want to stay? Maybe eat dinner with us later?" Bobby asked, still holding RJ on his hip.

"No, no, honey," Mrs. Eames answered. "We're gonna get going. Why don't the three of you just enjoy the rest of your day."

Bobby was disappointed. At least if they stayed, Alex would keep up the charade of their happy family. Once alone, Bobby knew they'd resort to the 'silent treatment' which he dreaded.

Once Mr. and Mrs. Eames said their 'good-byes', Alex headed for the bedroom.

"I'm going to get changed."

"Okay," Bobby nodded, then kicked off his shoes and sat on the sofa.

RJ immediately climbed atop his lab, rolling a little red Matchbox® car up Bobby's arm and across his chest.

Alex emerged from the bedroom, in a comfy-looking pair of pajama bottoms and a matching yellow tank top –which, Bobby noticed, was _slightly_ see-through and provided a tantalizing peek at her breasts when the light hit her just right. He wondered if she wore for spite.

She went to the kitchen and opened the fridge. "You want something to drink?" she called to the living room.

"Apple juice, please!" answered the tiny voice.

Alex smiled and grabbed the bottle of juice from the shelf.

"What about you, Daddy? You want iced tea? Coke?"

"U-um-um, n-no th-thanks," he could barely answer.

"You must be thirsty –and hungry. You haven't eaten all day," Alex replied.

"I'm all right," Bobby answered.

"Suit yourself," Alex mumbled, too low for him to hear.

She went to the living room and sat on the sofa, handing RJ his tippy-cup and setting her iced tea on the end table next to her.

"Thank you, mommy," he politely said, then drank. Once done with his long sip, he held his cup in front of Bobby. "Daddy want some?" he offered.

Bobby took the cup and pretended to be drinking. He handed it back and said "Thank you."

RJ climbed down and returned to his coloring book.

Alex began flipping through the channels, but found nothing that interested her. She stopped on The History Channel and set the remote down on the table.

"Y-you don't have to leave that on for me," Bobby offered. "You can watch what you want."

"That's okay," Alex answered, rising from the couch. I'm going to the bedroom to make a call. Keep an eye on him?"

Bobby nodded and sighed. He wondered whom she was calling, but didn't ask.

X X X

"Hello. Is Dr. Silver still there?"

"Yes, may I ask who's calling?"

"It's Alex Goren."

"Please hold. I'll connect you."

"Thanks."

X X X

"Alex, is everything all right?"

"Yes," she answered, swiping the stray bangs from her forehead. "I just –wanted to apologize the scene I caus…"

"Don't worry about it. You had every right to be angry. Believe me, I've seen people 'go at it' much worse."

"Well, I—I'm not normally like that with Bobby. I'm sorry you had to be in the middle of it."

"It's okay. I presume you made it home safely. He's doing all right?"

"Well, I'll admit the drive home was a bit…tense. He's um, he's in the living room with the baby. I didn't tell him I was calling you."

"If you don't mind, Alex, I'd like to say something to you –if you feel you've calmed down enough."

"Sure, go ahead," Alex said, figuring the day couldn't get much worse, no matter what the doctor said.

"I just want to ask you to remember why you married Bobby –remember how much you love him. Remember: when people are at their worst – at their most _unlovable_, that's when they need the love of the people around them the most."

"I know. But we're _married_ --he _knows_ I love him. Geez, _how else_ could I put up with him?" she tried to joke.

Dr. Silver chuckled, relieved that she did seem calmer. "You know, Alex –Bobby's family history and his issues with abandonment. Your marriage definitely helped his security issues, but he also knows that a marriage certificate is no guaranty that you're always going to be there with him."

"Did he tell you that?"

"I'm just saying, try to be mindful and sensitive of where he's coming from. His parents were married too – but that didn't keep his father from leaving."

Alex let out a sigh.

"I know I'm asking a lot, but right now, out of the two of you, you're the stronger. He needs you."

"I know," she said and nodded.

"So, don't let him forget his appointment with me Wednesday evening."

"Oh, I won't," she chuckled again.

"Call me, Alex, if you need anything."

"Thanks, Doctor. I will."

X X X

The rest of the afternoon and evening passed without incident. Alex was being civil to Bobby, especially in front of RJ. She offered him something to eat, but he declined, saying he wasn't hungry. She knew the real reason was that he was too nervous –making his stomach too queasy to eat.

"Honey, run and get your pj's on, okay," she said to RJ at almost 9 p.m.

When the little boy toddled down the hallway, Alex turned to Bobby and said, "He's sleeping in our room. I'm calling my dad's friend, Frank tomorrow. He has a security company. I'm getting new locks on the door and all the windows and having an alarm system installed."

"O-okay," Bobby said, inwardly kicking himself for not thinking proactively as she had done.

Alex went to check on RJ's progress. He had undressed himself, but had two legs stuck in one leg hole in his jammies.

"Here, honey. Let Mommy help you," she said as she entered his room.

"I'm stuck," he laughed.

"I see that," Alex smiled. "Do you know what?"

"Uh-uh," he shook his head 'no'.

"Tonight, you're going to sleep in Mommy and Daddy's big bed!" She tried to make it sound as appealing as possible.

"Why?"

"Because," she explained, we missed you so much when we went out today, we wanna snuggle with you all night."

X X X

Alex put RJ in their bed, then stood by the living room doorway. "You coming to bed?"

Bobby looked at the clock on the VCR. "I-it's only 9:15," he answered, then immediately re-thought his answer. He considered himself lucky that she'd invited him at all.

"I am kinda tired."

"Me too. It's been a long day."

He got up from the sofa while clicking off the TV.

RJ smiled and squirmed as both his parents climbed into bed, snuggled on either side of him.

Alex kissed RJ 'good night', saying "Good night, sweetie. Have nice dreams."

Bobby followed suit, then laid still; eyes open –staring through the darkness at the ceiling.

"Good night," Alex, he managed the courage to say.

"G'night," she said, fluffing her pillow just right for a comfortable night's sleep.

About ten minutes later, she felt Bobby turn onto his side, facing RJ. He gently laid a hand across his little boy's tummy –compelled by the need to touch him and feel closer.

Alex turned and faced RJ, too. When she went to touch him, she felt Bobby's hand instead. She left it there, then patted his hand and gently rubbed it.

"Bobby?" she whispered, so as not to disturb the sleeping little boy.

"Uh-huh," he answered.

"Just because I got angry with you today doesn't mean I don't love you. I want to make sure you understand that."

He breathed a sigh of relief. She could actually feel the tension leave his body. He turned his hand palm up and Alex followed his lead, lacing their fingers together.

"I'm s-s-sorry for everything. I-I love you more than you'll ever know."

He couldn't see her smile in the darkness.

They laid in silence –far more comfortable this time—for another five minutes.

The only thing breaking the silence was their breathing –and the growling coming from Bobby's stomach.

"Peanut butter and jelly with chocolate milk sound good?" she whispered.

"Sounds great," he whispered back.

Alex unlaced her fingers, turned and swung her legs off the bed. "I'll be back in a bit," she said.

He watched her figure cross the room and, when she switched on the hall light, caught the sexy silhouette of her breasts through the flimsy material. He ached for her, but certainly wasn't going to press his luck.

"Thank you God," he whispered, still feeling undeserving. "She still loves me." He kissed his son's head.

END Chapter 35


	36. Chapter 36

**CHAPTER 36**

Meanwhile, simultaneously at the Eames' residence…

John Eames joined his wife at the kitchen table, placing a hot cup of coffee in front of her. He sat in the chair next to hers and reached for an Entenmann's donut.

"I _still _think we should've said something," he said, taking a bite and washing it down with a sip from his steaming mug.

"No, we shouldn't have, John," she answered. "_Obviously _they don't want us to know what's going on. You know your daughter." She paused to take a sip, then continued. "She's always been private where her relationships are concerned –_especially_ Bobby.

John leaned back against the chair, stretching his legs out in front of him. He picked at his plate, gathering up the crumbs from his donut. "I just don't like it. You saw the look on Alex's face when RJ ran straight to Bobby."

"It doesn't mean anything, John. Besides, maybe it's something good they're hiding," she smiled.

"Good? Like what?"

"Like maybe they went to see that doctor that Alex was talking about a few months ago –the one that specializes in high risk pregnancies," she answered with a hopeful smile and took a bite of her chocolate-covered donut.

"Don't get your hopes up," John warned. "Remember yesterday? She was over here early –upset. I think they had a fight."

"Oh John, all couples have spats from time to time. I wouldn't make so much of it. Besides, Alex told me that they might try again –it's been almost two years since her miscarriage."

John flipped the lid of the donut box closed with a sigh. "My gut tells me something's wrong."

"Oh, that's right –the cop's magic gut…that's what you're relying on?" she teased.

"It didn't fail me for twenty-five years," he reminded her. "Besides, I would've loved to hear the excuse when I told them that Lewis _called there_ this afternoon looking for Bobby."

"Oh, Johnny, just let them be. They'll work it out—whatever it is."

Mr. Eames stood and reached for the empty coffee mugs. He shook his head as he walked to the sink, mumbling to himself, "…going to the car show with Lewis, my ass…"

X X X

Alex took Bobby's plate, giving him a little smile. "You want another one?"

"No, thanks," he said, brushing his chest and the sheet that lay across his legs. "I think I got crumbs in the bed," he said apologetically.

"That's okay," Alex said, turning to head back to the kitchen. "As long as they're on your side."

He laid back down next to his sleeping son and gently placed a kiss on his head. Alex returned to the room and got into bed.

They each resumed their previous positions –lying on their sides, facing each other, with RJ in the middle.

"G'night, Bobby," she whispered.

"G'night."

A moment passed.

"Alex?" he whispered.

"Uh-huh."

"C-c-can I --k-kiss you good night?"

After a moment, he sensed her movement in the bed as she raised herself up on one elbow to reach across little RJ's sleeping form. Bobby did the same and met her half way. He leaned forward until his lips met hers –lightly brushing at first, testing, full of trepidation. Until he felt her reciprocate, softly, warmly, moistly –her mouth opening to welcome his tongue. He kissed her deeply for a minute or two.

When they parted and settled back down into bed, she smiled. After everything they'd been through over the years she couldn't figure out what _still_ made her melt at the sound of his voice and the feel of his lips on hers.

X X X

Bobby felt uncomfortable when leaving for work on Monday morning. He didn't know why. It finally occurred to him that Alex and RJ _were_ actually safer now that Alex knew of the threats. She'd be on the lookout --be _extra_ vigilant where RJ was concerned. But still, he felt uneasy.

Alex walked from the kitchen and handed Bobby his travel mug of coffee. "Here. It's 7:40 –you're gonna be late."

Bobby nodded, "I know, I know. But…"

"But nothing," she interrupted, walking him towards the front door with RJ on her hip. "We'll be fine."

He hesitated by the front door, still feeling uncomfortable.

"And don't forget to call your sponsor –9 o'clock –on the dot."

"I will. Bye," he kissed Alex and RJ and grudgingly left for work.

X X X

John Eames' friend, Frank arrived by 9:30. After chatting with Alex for a while, he got to work, installing the new alarm system and door and window locks throughout the apartment. He was finished by shortly after 2 p.m. and, after explaining once more how to arm and disarm the alarm, he handed her the new keys to the front door.

"You're all set," he smiled.

"Thanks for the discount, Frank," Alex said.

"No problem. I'm happy to do it," he smiled back, messing RJ's curls.

"And thanks for not mentioning it to my parents. I um, I just don't want them to worry."

X X X

The ringing of the phone startled Alex for a moment. She crossed the kitchen and answered, expecting it to be Bobby.

"Hello?"

"Hi sis!" Maggie greeted her. "I'm in your neck of the woods. Wanna' join me and Nathan for some shopping?"

"Um," Alex paused, thinking.

"Oh, c'mon. Just a couple of hours," Maggie persisted.

"Okay. Where are you?"

"I'm just pulling into the parking lot up the street from Macys."

Alex checked the clock. It was almost 3:00. "Just a couple of hours. I've gotta be home when Bobby gets home from work."

"Oh, why? Is he afraid to be home alone?" Maggie teased.

"No. He –forgot his house keys when he left for work this morning. He won't be able to get in," she lied.

"Oh, okay, just hurry then," Maggie pushed. "Michael got the promotion today. I want to spend his bonus while he's still in a good mood," she laughed.

"All right. You get started shopping. I'll call you on your cell when I get there so you can tell me what department to meet you in."

X X X

Alex fought the traffic and finally arrived at Herald Square. She navigated around the one-way streets and made her way to the same parking lot that she knew Maggie had gone to.

"Thirty bucks," she moaned. She parked and unloaded the now-asleep RJ into his stroller. She double-checked the side compartment of her Coronado® bag. Satisfied, she headed towards the world's largest department store.

X X X

Alex and Maggie browsed and shopped for almost two hours. As always, the kids ended up with more than their mothers, but the women didn't mind. RJ had woken up and was now sitting, drinking apple juice from his tippy cup. Nathan held on to the side of the stroller, keeping his little cousin amused.

"It's almost 5:30. I've gotta be heading home," Alex reminded her sister.

"I suppose I should, too. My arm's too tired to carry any more, anyway," she laughed.

The two sisters made their way towards the exit, stepping into the heat and sunlight of the early June evening. The sidewalks were jammed with people –shoppers, sightseers and the workers who'd just gotten out of their offices.

"Great," Alex groaned. "Just in time for rush hour."

A group of teenage girls, in the midst of an uproar of laughter and excited chatter was gathered on the sidewalk outside the store, near the corner. As the girls rushed towards the department store's doors, Alex and Maggie tried to maneuver through them in the opposite direction.

"Ohhh, pardon me! I'm so sorry," Alex heard her sister exclaim. She turned to find out what had happened.

"It's quite all right," the blonde smiled insincerely. "No harm done."

Alex froze at the sound of the voice. Her eyes fixed on the face of her enemy. Instinctively, she moved in front of her stroller, putting herself between Nicole Wallace and BJ, blocking him from her view.

A curious look overtook Nicole's face as she looked at Maggie. There was no mistaking the resemblance. Suddenly feeling the presence of an onlooker, Nicole turned to her right and spotted Alex.

It finally registered. "Detective," she said, then glanced back towards Maggie. "This must be your sister and --- your '_nephew_'," she emphasized sarcastically.

Maggie stood by and smiled. She had no idea who Nicole was. She thought that Alex had just run into an old acquaintance.

Nicole eyed Alex up and down. She craned her neck, trying to peek around Alex.

"And who do we have here?" she asked with a smirk. "Hire yourself out for another nephew? _Or maybe_ a little niece this time?"

At that remark, Maggie realized this was no friend. Her expression turned to worry –and anger.

Alex turned and lifted the fidgeting RJ from his stroller, shielding him protectively with her arms.

"Oh, _another boy_. Well, maybe next time," she smirked wickedly.

RJ squirmed and turned in Alex arms.

The grin instantly left Nicole's face. Her eyes darted back and forth, between Alex and the boy in her arms. There was no mistaking the curly brown hair; the big, brown doe eyes with long lashes; the little bow lips.

"Ha! A little **_Bobby_**!" She laughed, tossing her head back with false levity. "This is priceless!"

Maggie grew more uncomfortable watching the scene.

Nicole reached out to touch RJ's little fingers, but Alex yanked his hand out of her reach.

"You just stay away from us!" Alex seethed.

Nicole shook her head and shrugged her shoulders. "Whatever you say, Detec…oooohhh, or is it _Mrs. Goren? _ She grinned.

Alex didn't answer. Her left hand was firmly on RJ's back, holding him close. She knew that Nicole was observant enough to notice the wedding band and huge diamond on her ring finger.

"Well, whatever you're calling yourself these days," Nicole smirked, "You'd better _watch_ him." Her eyes, like shiny black marbles, opened wide. She leaned a few inches towards Alex's face, staring defiantly into her eyes and whispered, "He might turn out like his Grandma."

END Chapter 36

A/N: Coronado Leather®. A company that specializes in premium quality concealed carry leather accessories for men and women.


	37. Chapter 37

CHAPTER 37

Maggie, holding tight to Nathan's hand, stepped towards her sister. She'd never seen a look like it on Alex's face or in her eyes: anger, hatred, and fear. 

"Who the hell was that?" she asked.

Alex, still clutching RJ, didn't answer. She was too intent on watching Nicole as she caught up to the group of laughing, excited girls -putting her arm around the shoulders of the last girl in line-and disappeared with the group into the store.

"Alex?" Maggie said, still waiting for an answer.

Alex dug into her purse and yanked out her cell phone, flipping it open and pressing #1 on her speed dial all in one motion.

X X X

Bobby and Mike were wrapping things up for the day. One more folder of forms to sign-off on, one-half hour left to the workday. It surprised Bobby when he cell phone rang. He took a second to check the incoming number and smiled when he recognized it was Alex.

"Hi!" he answered.

"Bobby. She's here!" Alex exclaimed.

"Wh-who's here?" he asked, confused for moment.

"Nicole! I just saw her!" Alex said impatiently.

"Where are you?" Bobby asked.

Mike noticed the tone of his voice and immediately looked across the desk, concerned.

"Macy's on 34th. She just went into the store. She was with a group of girls," Alex blurted out.

"Stay away from her! Keep RJ away from her! I'm on my way."

Bobby flipped his phone closed and sprang from his chair. He'd already taken two or three steps towards the elevators before Mike even had a chance to react. 

Mike rushed down the hall towards Bobby. "You wanna tell me what's going on?" he asked, as he pulled his suit jacket on.

"Alex just saw Nicole Wallace."

"And?" Mike asked.

"And I'm going to pick her up -bring her in," Bobby snapped back.

"On what grounds?" Mike asked. "I know there's no statute of limitations on murder, but we haven't gotten any new proof against her in any of the outstanding cases she's suspected in."

Bobby didn't reply. He shifted his weight from leg to leg, impatiently, as the elevator descended to the garage.

"The Captain's gonna kick your ass if you drag her in here without just cause," Mike warned. 

The elevator doors finally opened and Bobby rushed towards the SUV. 

"The Captain's already gone for the day. And I have grounds," Bobby said, as he jumped behind the wheel.

Mike secured his seatbelt, giving a sideways glance at Bobby, waiting for him to explain.

"You mind telling me what the grounds are? He asked, eyebrows raised, with a hint of sarcasm in his voice. "If you're pulling some stunt that's gonna get my ass busted back to Staten Island, I think I have a right to know."

"Terroristic threats," Bobby said, glancing at Mike. "That's what I'm picking her up for."

X X X

In the meantime, Alex put RJ back into his stroller. She escorted Maggie and Nathan back to the parking lot across the street and they all loaded into Maggie's minivan. 

"Just stay here with the boys, Maggie. Keep the doors locked. I'll be back when I'm through at the store," Alex said.

She kissed RJ's cheek. "Mommy will be right back. You be a good boy for Aunt Maggie, okay?"

"Okay, Mommy," RJ smiled.

Alex closed the sliding door and watched until Maggie engaged the locks, then headed back towards Macy's. 

It had taken less than ten minutes to get back and forth from the parking lot. Alex surmised that if Nicole was part of that group of girls, there was no way they'd be done shopping in Macy's in that short amount of time. She'd still be in the store, somewhere. She waited on the corner for what seemed like an eternity, but kept her patience, knowing that Bobby was on his way. Finally, she saw the black SUV speed through a yellow light and come to a screeching halt outside the store's east entrance. 

She rushed to the vehicle as she saw Bobby and Mike jump from the cab. They spotted Alex instantly and jogged towards her.

"She's gotta still be in there," Alex said checking her watch. It's been about 15 minutes since she went in. It looked like she was part of a group -a group of teenage girls -maybe some type of club or school class trip," Alex informed the men as they made their way into the store.

"What was she wearing?" Bobby asked.

"White blouse, navy blue slacks...same blonde hair."

"Great," Mike moaned. "That shouldn't be too hard to find in the world's largest department store."

Bobby shot him a look. 

Bobby headed towards the elevators. Alex was a step behind him, without question.

"Well, you two seem to know where we're going. Mind filling me in?" Mike snipped as they rushed into the elevator car.

Bobby didn't answer. He pressed the "close door" button impatiently as Alex answered.

"Up to the security office. It'll be easier to find her on the store's monitors than the three of us running all over the store playing hide and seek, don't ya think?" Alex smirked.

Mike nodded, frowning.

Bobby's lips twitched as he fought back a smile. He found humor in Alex's comment, but what really made him smile was the fact that Alex knew what he was thinking -where they were heading and why. It was like having her back next to him as a partner. They were still in sync.

They reached the Security Office and knocked on the locked glass door, Bobby and Mike each flashing his gold shield. The door buzzed and opened.

Bobby strode towards the control desk and told the officer, "Pull up the women's clothing department and the shoe department." 

"No, women's sizes are too big. Junior's clothing," Alex corrected.

The security officer punched a few buttons and the cameras almost instantly revealed their prey.

"There!" Alex said, jabbing her index finger at the screen.

Mike and Bobby peered over the security man's shoulder at the screen.

"DKNY(r) jeans," Mike murmured.

The security officer told them the floor they needed, then picked up the microphone to alert the under-cover security officers stationed there.

A large man, who looked like an 'old school' ex-cop with a graying crew cut, entered the office. "What's going on here, Palmer?" he demanded.

Bobby and Mike flashed their badges again. "We're here for her," Bobby said, pointing quickly at the monitor and heading for the door.

Mike and Alex were right on his heels and the big man followed behind them, warning, "Keep it discreet boys. We don't like causing scenes in front of the other customers."

X X X

Nicole was smiling, holding up a pair of low-rise whiskered jeans. "These would look fabulous on you, Jennifer!"

Jennifer smiled, excited at the prospect of trying the jeans on. 

But Nicole suddenly noticed a change in the girl's expression. Question, concern, and worry.

In a split second, Nicole felt the large, powerful hand clamp around her wrist, hurting her. The jeans fell to the floor.

"You're under arrest, Nicole," Bobby voice seethed.

A look of shock and disbelief washed over her face. Her jaw dropped in astonishment -embarrassment in front of the girls and the other two chaperones. 

She spun her head around and saw Alex standing next to Mike.

"I haven't done anything!" She exclaimed. "I've done nothing!"

Bobby looked at the faces of the girls and the two older women standing next to the group. Their worry and concern was real. 

Bobby passed the now handcuffed Nicole off to Mike and turned back towards the group. He addressed the older women. "Are you and your girls going to be all right?"

The red-haired woman nervously stammered, "Why, yes, but...but we don't understand; what did Ms. Wainwright do?"

Bobby didn't explain. He smirked at the 'Wainwright' name and merely informed them, "She'll be at One Police Plaza. The Major Case Squad, 11th floor."

He turned and rejoined Mike, placing a hand on Nicole's upper arm -Mike holding the other, and made their way out of the store. 

Alex gave a final glance at the frightened group of girls, some with tears welling in their eyes, then followed the men and Nicole out.

X X X

Mike and Nicole climbed into the back of the SUV. She watched as Bobby and Alex stood on the sidewalk and talked.

"You all right?" Bobby asked, gently rubbing her upper arms and dipping his head to look into her eyes.

"I'm fine," she answered, then glanced up the street. "I've gotta get back to Maggie and the kids. She's waiting in the car for me."

"Did she try to do anything to you? Hurt you? Grab RJ from you?" Bobby asked, glancing at the SUV.

"No, no," Alex said with a slight shake of her head. "She just talked...said some sarcastic things. She tried to act like she was surprised when she saw him -as if she hadn't known he even existed."

Bobby nodded, "Her usual act -denial."

Alex then added, she did reach -to touch his hand, but I pulled him away."

"It-it could be a late night," Bobby said. "I want you to go home -I'll give you a call later," Bobby said. His hands had moved from Alex's arms. He was now holding her face, gently tilting her head as she looked up at him. He needed to see into her eyes -to be sure that she was all right.

Inside the SUV, Nicole had been watching the scene -her eyes fixed on the former partners-now couple. Her silence surprised Mike.

Back on the sidewalk, the couple hugged, then kissed.

"Here're the new keys for the front door," Alex said as she handed the keys to Bobby. 

He nodded and smiled, "Thanks," as he stuck them in his left front pocket. 

As Alex turned to walk back to the parking lot, Bobby reached for her arm and pulled her back towards him, kissing her again.

Bobby climbed into the driver's seat and gave a quick look at Logan before starting the ignition.

Outside, Alex quickened her pace back to the lot. She'd get Maggie to watch RJ. She had no intention of going home. She wanted to be there to watch the interrogation through the two-way.

Back inside the SUV, Logan stole a glance to the side. Nicole's bottom lip slightly quivered; her eyes were moist. 

"Shit," he thought to himself. He knew a woman's look of hurt -and longing -when he saw one.

END Chapter 37 


	38. Chapter 38

Chapter 38

Bobby headed back downtown to 1PP. Traffic was heavy, as usual. He glanced from time to time at the rearview mirror, seeing Nicole's face behind him in the back seat. Her quietness was uncharacteristic -almost to the point of unnerving. 

He thought to himself, "No sarcastic remarks...no attempts at wittiness...no taunting or goading me..." His eyes flashed at the mirror again as he wondered what was going on inside her head. He missed the tear that rolled down her cheek.

X X X

Once off the elevator at the 11th floor, Mike and Bobby escorted Nicole through the corridors to the squad room. 

Nicole lowered her eyes, avoiding face-to-face contact with the other detectives they passed in the hallway. She could feel their eyes upon her; she could feel what they were thinking: "Oh Geez, Goren...not this bitch again!"

They headed straight for the interrogation room and, once inside, Mike removed her handcuffs. 

Nicole rubbed her wrists and looked down at her right wrist, which felt sorer than the left. She saw a yellow-green bruise developing where Bobby had grabbed her wrist at the store.

Bobby stood, arm extended, pointing at the chair across table facing the mirrored wall. "I shouldn't have to tell you by now, Nicole, which chair is yours," he said sarcastically.

Mike smirked and sat down in the chair next to the one he knew Bobby would occupy -the one directly across from Nicole.

Nicole dutifully took her seat, without word.

Bobby noticed, again.

"So, Nicole," Bobby began. "You been taking acting classes lately? ...'cause umm, well, the look on your face back at the store -that was pretty good."

Mike smiled.

She stared across the table, wordless, not baited by his sarcasm.

"Oh, c'mon, Nicole! You can't tell me you really were surprised to see me! You really thought Alex wouldn't call me? That sh-she'd just let you walk away after seeing her an-and our son," Bobby asked, his voice escalating to loudness. 

"I don't know what you're talking about," Nicole replied, shrugging her shoulders.

Bobby jumped from his chair, waving his arm. "Oh, c'mon Nicole! It's the reason you're here, isn't it? 

"The reason I'm here is to chaperone my girls' class trip," Nicole stated calmly.

"You! A chaperone!" Mike said with a laugh. "Kinda like putting the fox in charge of the hen house, isn't it?" Mike laughed again, slapping his hand on the table.

Bobby wagged his index finger, correcting Mike. "No, no...more like putting the wolf in charge of the flock of innocent sheep," he chuckled.

"Laugh all you want. It's the reason I'm here. Check with the other chaperones, or with the girls."

"Right...we will," Bobby promised.

"So," Bobby said, returning to his seat. "You want us to believe you just happen to be here in New York City on some innocent school trip." 

Bobby unzipped his leather portfolio and retrieved a stack of papers. He pushed the binder aside and turned the papers towards Nicole so she could read them. 

Mike sat by, watching with amusement. He knew that Bobby was about to go into his 'interrogation mode.'

"Because from the looks of it, Nicole, you're here to do exactly what you threatened to do in every one of your letters!"

Bobby stared at her face, into her eyes as, one by one, he slammed each letter down on the table in front of her, reciting her threats against Alex and RJ.

"Kidnap and torture my wife!" Slam.

Nicole jumped a bit when he banged on the table. She looked at the paper in front of her, eyebrows knitted as she read.

"Kidnap my son!" Slam.

She jumped again. Nicole looked up at Bobby, then back down to the table. She read a few of the lines from the letter he had slammed down. Her jaw dropped as she read -she was about to say something, but Bobby interrupted with another yell.

"Drown him -just like you did your little girl..." Bobby yelled with accusation and slammed down the photo of her daughter's skeletal remains.

Nicole averted her eyes, as if that would help her avoid the memory her sick past.

"Murder my son at the age of three, so I would always think of you and know who had done this to me -destroyed my life...how you'd taken everything away from me, just like you say Alex and I did to you..."

"I did not write these," Nicole insisted, shaking her head 'no'. She placed her hand on the stack of papers to push them away but, once again, Bobby interrupted.

"Mail me one of his bones on his birthday every year to torment me for the rest of my life!" Bobby yelled, once again jumping up from his chair. 

He circled behind her and bent close to her ear, whispering, "This is the sick type of shit, Nicole, that only a demented mind like yours could think of."

Mike sat, watching silently. He was actually surprised that Bobby had remained so "in control" -conducting a typical Goren-like interrogation -yelling, slamming, hovering, space-invading whispering. Hell, as far as Mike was concerned, it could've been any suspect sitting in that chair. He knew Bobby's act.

Nicole sat still. 

Mike had noticed how her eyes closed when Bobby leaned close and whispered to her. "Psycho bitch liked that," he thought to himself. 

X X X

Alex had arrived about five minutes prior to that scene and had been watching Bobby's interrogation. It took every ounce of strength for her not to burst into the room and join in -like old times. When she watched Bobby bend close to Nicole and whisper, the knot in her stomach surprised her. She wasn't sure if it was jealousy -she just knew she didn't like it -and she didn't like not being able to hear what was said.

X X X

Nicole took a deep breath. "I have no idea where these letters came from. I did not write them."

Bobby sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. He reclaimed his chair.

"Okay Nicole. Let's put these aside for a little while," he said, taking the papers and placing the stack off to his side. He opened his portfolio and grabbed a pen, to take notes.

"You said you're here as a chaperone for a class trip. What class?"

"The Bryant Academy for Gifted Girls. I've been an instructor there for almost three years. It's their Senior Class trip."

"Where is this academy?" Bobby asked.

"Johnstown, Pennsylvania...southeast of Pittsburgh."

"And the other chaperones with you?"

"The Dean, Elaine Fitzgerald, and the instructor from our music program, Carolyn Barton."

Bobby continued jotting notes.

"And what do you teach there?" Bobby asked, looking across the table.

"Getting away with murder, 101," Mike chimed in sarcastically.

Behind the mirror, Alex chuckled.

Bobby shot Mike an annoyed look.

Behind the mirror, Alex stopped chuckling. "Don't tell me he's actually buying this?" she murmured to herself.

"Nicole. What do you teach there?" Bobby re-asked, calmly.

She forced herself to swallow and looked at Bobby. "Literature -and their Life Skills course -and I help coach the drama club," she answered. 

Bobby detected the tone of pride in her voice.

Mike interjected again, "See? She has been taking acting lessons!" he smirked.

"How, exactly, are these girls 'gifted'?" Bobby continued. 

Nicole seemed more relaxed now. Bobby had engaged her, comfortably, in a conversation. "They're girls who excel academically but who've had ---difficulty in social situations -emotional problems-problems integrating in regular schools. Most are from privileged families, but we have some from ---more humble backgrounds."

"Who arranged this trip?"

"The girls voted on it. It's one of the privileges given to the Senior Class. They begin raising money at the beginning of the Fall semester and when Spring rolls around, they vote on the trip they'd like to take before graduation."

"Did you suggest a trip to New York?" Bobby asked.

Nicole shook her head, "No. I suggested Paris," she said with a slight smile. "But the parents didn't like the idea of letting the girls travel so far from home, so New York was the girls' second choice."

X X X

Alex was growing impatient. "What the hell is he gonna do next? Serve her tea and scones and discuss Shakespeare? she groaned to herself.

X X X

The interrogation continued for about another half an hour. Bobby remained calm, asking questions, which, to Alex, didn't seem pertinent, and jotting notes.

A knock at the door interrupted them and one of the other detectives informed Mike he had phone call. He excused himself from the room, leaving Bobby and Nicole alone together.

X X X

Nicole's eyes widened, sparking with mischief. "Alone, at last," she said sweetly, with a small sigh.

Bobby ignored her.

"Oh, don't tell me, Bobby...marriage and fatherhood have taken away your sense of humor?" She smiled, flirting.

Bobby ignored her, once again, perusing the papers before him.

"Ohhh, I've been remiss," she scolded herself. "I never did offer my congratulations on your nuptials and the birth of your son." She sat still, smiling, studying his face.

"C'mon, Nicole, you can drop the act. You probably knew about my marriage and my son's birth the minute they happened," he scowled.

"Don't flatter yourself, Bobby," she smiled. "While I will admit that you have crossed my mind from time to time over the years, I certainly haven't been keeping tabs on you. I've been getting on with my own life."

Bobby nodded, dismissing her comment. He was concentrating on the letters. 

Nicole sat forward and tossed her hair seductively. She smiled and leaned forward, reaching her hand towards Bobby's. 

X X X

Behind the glass, Alex clenched her jaw and her fists. 

X X X

"Of course, if you've been missing me," she cooed, as she stroked her fingertips across the back of Bobby's hand, "Maybe we can catch up. I'm staying at the Sheraton Hotel & Towers," she smiled.

Bobby withdrew his hand -fully aware that it took him about 20 seconds longer than he knew it should have. He instantly thought of Alex, glad that she was back -safe at home-with RJ (or so he thought).

X X X

Behind the glass, Alex's eyes widened, her jaw dropped. She swore under her breath, "What the hell...?"

X X X

"Oh, that's right," Nicole chuckled. "Silly me. You wouldn't do anything remotely resembling your father's behavior," she laughed sarcastically. "You've spent your whole life trying not to be him!"

Bobby sat back against his chair, his head tilting to the left, indicative of his growing impatience. He stared at Nicole as she spoke.

"You're The Great Bobby Goren, the world's greatest detective...the perfect husband and daddy...no drinking, womanizing, gambling or abuse from you," she laughed, wide-eyed.

X X X

Alex had been listening intently. "No drinking my ass," Alex smirked. "She thinks she knows him so well," she muttered with a huff.

X X X

Bobby wagged his finger. "We're not here to discuss me, Nicole," he reminded her. "The expert from my lab is gonna come walkin' through that door in about ten minutes," he said, pointing with his thumb at the doorway.

Bobby rose from his seat, pressed his hands on the table and bent forward. His voice dropped to a threatening whisper. "And when he corroborates the evidence," Bobby said, "You're gonna wish you never knew me."

END Chapter 38 


	39. Chapter 39

Chapter 39

Nicole's eyes widened. She leaned forward, elbow on the table, resting her chin in the palm of her hand. "Bang on all you like. There's nothing to corroborate. I didn't write any letters." 

She stared across the table as Bobby reclaimed his seat. 

As he sat, he looked at her wrist -the bruising from where he had grabbed her earlier was evident.

"D-does your wrist hurt?" he asked.

She eyed the bruising, turning her hand from side to side. "As a matter of fact it does," she smiled, as if she were admiring the marks his large, strong hand had left on her. "It's all right," she smiled seductively. "I always figured you like things...a bit rough."

X X X

Alex glared through the glass. She could feel her blood pressure rising.

X X X

"Cut it out, Nicole," Bobby scoffed. "Don't you ever get tired of the acting?"

"I've nothing to act about, Bobby. It's been proven - children of violence or abuse often seek that behavior in their sexual relationships -it conjures up memories and familiar feelings that they learned to equate with love from the daddies...or mommies," she smirked.

Bobby huffed a sigh of frustration, laying his hands on the table on either side of his portfolio.

X X X

"What is he doing?" Alex asked herself. She remembered Nicole's actions the last time Bobby laid his hands on the table, opening himself to her touch. "If that bitch touches him again..." she mumbled her threat to no one.

X X X

"Speaking of mommies, how is Mommy Dearest?" Nicole asked softly, her voice almost a whisper. 

Bobby stared across the table into Nicole's eyes. "S-she, she passed away about two years ago."

The sarcastic smile faded from Nicole's lips. She reached forward and placed her hands on top of Bobby's. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know...I didn't mean to..."

"Save it, Nicole," Bobby scoffed. "You like nothing better than pushing my buttons." 

X X X

Alex was ready to scream. She watched as Bobby sat -still, while Nicole's hands lay atop his, her thumbs caressing his skin in small, sweeping strokes.

X X X

The door to the room burst open and Mike rejoined them. When he saw the scene before him, he quipped, "Geez, sorry...I didn't know I'd be interrupting anything."

Bobby's head turned slightly as he shot Mike a look. He finally withdrew his hands and busied himself, pretending to be looking for something within the pages of his binder.

Nicole rubbed her hands together and raised them to her face, inhaling, as if savoring the memory of the touch. She smiled sarcastically at Mike, "Yes, three is a crowd, detective."

"Oh, c'mon Nicole," Mike answered. "Don't try to tell me you've never..."

Nicole interrupted, "Forget it, detective. You're not my type." Her eyes darted back and forth between Mike and Bobby.

"Oh really?" Mike asked. "And what is your type? A rich old guy with one foot in the grave? Oh, that's right...a young college man that you can push around?" Mike grinned at his own sarcasm.

"Hardly," Nicole answered, rolling her eyes. "I prefer the tall, brooding, genius type," she smiled, flirting with Bobby.

Bobby stared across the table, examining Nicole's face -especially her eyes. The right corner of her lip quivered as he fought back a smile.

X X X

After approximately ten more minutes of dealing with Nicole's antics, the door to the interrogation room swung open. The lab tech, Ken Yamata, stood in the doorway, holding a manila folder. "Detective Goren, can I speak with you?"

Bobby smirked and Nicole and Mike as he arose from his chair. He fidgeted with his tie and belt, as was his usual nervous habit, and left the room with Ken.

"Looks like you're stuck with me," Mike snipped.

X X X

As Bobby stood in the hallway talking with Yamata, he heard the clicking heels of a woman approaching. She was walking fast. As Bobby looked to see who was rounding the corner, he immediately recognized the woman -she had been with Nicole at Macy's earlier.

Bobby scowled, eyebrows knitted as he quickly scanned Yamata's report. 

The woman recognized Bobby, too. She headed straight towards him.

"Is Ms. Wainwright still here?" the woman nervously asked.

"Um, yes," Bobby answered, still distracted by the folder in his hands.

"I'm Elaine Fitzgerald -the Dean from her school," the woman introduced herself, extending her hand to Bobby.

Bobby shook the Dean's hand, "Detective Robert Goren," he replied. He gestured with his left hand towards the doorway. "Um, right this way," Bobby muttered.

X X X

When the door opened and Bobby reappeared with the Dean in tow, a look of panic overcame Nicole's face. It couldn't have been a worse scenario for her -once again having her true identity and criminal history revealed to a colleague/friend. The life she had rebuilt for herself over the past three years was about to be destroyed by Bobby Goren. She felt her heart racing as she braced herself for the shame and embarrassment that Bobby's words would bring.

"Nicole!" the Dean exclaimed upon seeing her. "Are you all right? I got here as soon as I could -I had to get the girls settled back at the hotel."

"I'm fine," Nicole said, trying to force a smile.

"I've been trying to get in touch with the school's attorney," the Dean said, sounding panicked.

Bobby laid the manila folder on the table. He looked at Nicole's face, recognizing her fear and panic as he began speaking. "Th-that won't be necessary, Dean Fitzgerald," Bobby said softly. "Miss Wal-Wainwright is free to go."

Nicole's eyes widened in disbelief. A smile of relief spread across her lips. Her shoulders hunched with the relaxation of relief.

"I-I don't understand," the Dean said. 

"It-it was a case of mistaken identity," Bobby said, shaking his head. "The, um, the store detectives thought that Miss Wainwright resembled a woman who's been passing bad checks..."

"Oh, thank God," the Dean exclaimed, pressing her hand to her chest. "We were all so worried."

Nicole smiled and stood from her chair, still very confused and curious as to what had just happened, but keeping up appearances. "Thank you, detectives, she smiled. "I'm glad this has all been cleared up," she said, stepping towards the door. "I am free to go, am I not?"

"Yes, you are," Bobby answered, catching Mike's stunned look from the corner of his eye.

Mike left the room, escorting the smiling Dean and Nicole out. Bobby remained behind, gathering his binder and papers.

X X X

On the other side of the glass, Alex was more than stunned at what had just taken place before her eyes. She was just about to leave the observation room to confront Bobby, when she heard Nicole's voice from back inside the interrogation room.

X X X

"I'll be right there, Elaine," she called from the doorway. "I left my sunglasses on the table," she lied. She needed another moment alone with Bobby.

She walked towards Bobby and placed a hand on his arm. "Thank you, Bobby," she said.

"You don't have to thank me Nicole. Thank the lack of evidence," he said, sounding defeated.

She kept her hand on his arm. "I need your help, Bobby," she whispered, so low that Alex couldn't hear. "I need to know who's trying to set me up," she pleaded, staring into his eyes.

She leaned closer and slipped a business card into Bobby's binder, and, quite unexpectedly, kissed his cheek." 

Bobby's eyes closed when he felt her lips on his cheek.

Nicole whispered, so close that her lips brushed his earlobe, her breath warming his ear "You know my hotel. Room 1508." 

She turned, quickly, and left before he could say anything.

X X X

"What the fuck?" Alex mumbled. She tore out of the observation room and almost bumped into Bobby. 

"A-Alex?!" he exclaimed. "What are you doing here? Where's RJ?"

"What the hell just went on in there, Bobby?" she hissed, taking him by the arm and leading him back into the privacy of the room.

"Yamata says it's not her," Bobby said bluntly.

"You don't seem too upset," Alex said sarcastically. "Gimme your binder," she demanded.

"Why?" Bobby asked, but handed it over.

"I wanna see what she slipped you," Alex said. She hadn't missed the card going into Bobby's binder. She flipped a few pages, while Bobby stood by, rubbing a hand through his hair, then onto the back of his neck. Finally, Alex saw the card and retrieved it from the book.

She looked down and read, "Sheraton Hotel and Towers..." She ripped it up.

Bobby stood silently, watching. 

"What did she whisper to you?" Alex demanded. 

Bobby shifted on his feet, "Sh-she just said thank you," he said. "Sh-she thanked me for not blowing her cover," he lied.

"We're going home now," Alex said, annoyed, as she tossed the torn up pieces of paper into the trash can in the corner of the room.

It was only a symbolic gesture. If it made Alex feel better, that was fine. And it didn't matter anyway. Bobby already had "Room 1508" committed to memory.

END Chapter 39 


	40. Chapter 40

Chapter 40

The ride down the elevator was quiet -not because Alex was calm, but because she was steaming mad. Having parked her car on the street, she exited at the lobby. She held the elevator door open as she stepped out and turned back towards Bobby. "I'll see you at home in twenty minutes." 

The elevator doors closed and Bobby continued down to the parking garage, to his own vehicle. He raised his hand and touched his cheek, only now coming to his senses and wondering if Nicole had left a lipstick mark on his face. "Shit," he muttered, as he looked at his now frosted pink fingertips.

X X X

They arrived home within minutes of each other and by the time Bobby entered the apartment, Maggie and Nathan were saying their good-byes to Alex and RJ and making their way out the door.

"Hi Bobby! -bye Bobby!" Maggie said quickly, giving him a peck on the cheek. Bobby reciprocated and gave Nathan a kiss and messed his hair.

RJ ran to his father. "Daddy!" 

Bobby scooped the boy up into a big hug, kissing him and smiling. "At least some one is happy I'm here," he thought to himself.

Alex called from the kitchen, "I'm gonna start dinner." She walked to the doorway and leaned against the wall, waiting for Bobby to give her his attention.

When he noticed her standing there, he looked at her, while still growling and playfully biting RJ's fingers. 

"While I'm cooking, why don't you go take a shower and wash off the slime." She flung the dishtowel over her shoulder and headed for the fridge.

Bobby put RJ down. "Go watch TV, okay. Daddy will be right back." 

RJ scurried off to the sofa. Bobby skulked off to the bathroom. He knew he was in for a not-so-fun night.

X X X

Later that night, once RJ was asleep, Alex joined Bobby in the living room. She sat on the sofa with him, but not next to him.

"All right. Let's have it," she said.

"Wha-wh..." Bobby stammered.

"Don't give me that 'what do you mean', Bobby," Alex said, completing his words. "I wanna know what the hell went wrong. What did Yamata find out? And what's with you and Wallace?" Alex demanded, raising her voice.

"There's nothing with me and Wain-Wallace!," Bobby insisted. "It's not like I have any control over what she does or how she acts!" Bobby tried to defend himself.

"See? She's already got you calling her Wainwright! You can't tell me you're really falling for her act! You can't tell me you've forgotten who she really is and the things she's done!" Alex exclaimed.

"Of course I haven't forgotten," Bobby said, keeping his voice low. 

"And you may not have control over what she does, but you sure as hell have control over yourself --oh, on second thought, maybe you don't!" Alex said sarcastically. 

Bobby looked at her questioningly.

"Don't gimme that innocent look! She was all over you and I didn't see you moving away too quickly." Alex folded her arms across her chest and stared at Bobby, waiting for his explanation.

"Oh, c'mon Alex! You know Nicole! It's all just an act to get a rise outta you!" Bobby said defensively.

"First of all, Bobby, neither you nor Nicole even knew I was there, so anything she was doing in there wasn't for my benefit," Alex reminded him. "And second of all, I think it's you she's trying to get a rise out of!" Alex sat rigid, arms still crossed -her cheeks and nose flushed red with anger.

Bobby didn't know what to do, or how to respond. He realized how bad things must've appeared to Alex while observing through the two-way.

"Al-Alex ---honey," Bobby tried to soothe, cocking his head and staring with his big brown eyes.

"Don't 'honey' me, Robert Goren," Alex warned. "Then why didn't you tell me she kissed you?" Alex asked defiantly. 

"B-because I knew this is how you'd react," Bobby said. 

"Oh brother," Alex huffed, rolling her eyes. "Tell me, Bobby. How long is she in town for?"

"Til-til Sunday. The school trip is over on Sunday."

"And you don't think that's a major coincidence, that she's gonna be in town for RJ's 3rd birthday this coming weekend?" Alex asked.

"Yes, it's just that! It's a coincidence," Bobby tried to convince her. "She didn't even know about RJ -or us," Bobby said. "She um, she said 'congratulations,' by the way," Bobby said, trying to soften the statement.

He instantly wished he could retract the statement when he saw the look that Alex gave him.

"Sh-she asked for my help," Bobby mumbled, not quite having the courage to tell Alex -but he knew he'd better, or else.

Alex's eyes grew wide with disbelief. Her jaw dropped -she looked at Bobby, stunned. "Are you kidding me? After everything she's done? Everything she's put you through?"

Alex stood up from the couch and looked at Bobby. "Do I need to remind you, she's a murderer? A psychopath?"

"N-no, you don't need to remind me," Bobby answered, trying to sound assuring. "But she didn't do this," he said, referring to the threatening letters. 

"You know what, Bobby," Alex said. "All I'm gonna tell you is that you better stay away from her. Don't call her, don't bring her back to the squad room," she warned, jabbing her index finger in the air at him, "And if I find out you went anywhere near the Sheraton Hotel...," she seethed, jabbing her finger again. "Well," she nodded her head, making sure she had Bobby's attention as she turned to look down the hallway towards RJ's bedroom, then back at him. "You know what the consequences will be." 

Bobby sat still on the sofa, listening. He understood her message loud and clear. It wasn't an idle threat --and Bobby knew it.

Alex stood, watching Bobby's face as her threatening words sunk in. She saw the mixture of fear and sadness that filled his eyes and knew her message had hit home. She hated that it had to come to that-threatening him with losing her and their child, but she had no alternative. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

She watched him a moment longer, then announced, "I'm going to bed. You coming?"

Bobby nodded and stood, still happy for the invitation. He followed her down the hall.

X X X (Alex POV)

They laid in the darkness, holding each other -entwined like a knot that could never be undone. A small beam from the streetlight outside their bedroom window illuminated the glistening sweat that followed the curve of Alex's shoulder. The rapid breaths of their passion gradually returned to normal, as did their heartbeats.

His large, warm hand gently petted her hair and he placed tiny kisses atop her head. 

A part of her felt guilty for using their sex tonight as a proactive weapon-a tool with which she hoped to immunize her husband against the charms of her adversary.

When Bobby got into bed and she rolled atop and straddled him, she planned on giving him a lovemaking session he wouldn't forget. She wanted him to know what he'd be missing, should he choose to defy her threat. For inspiration, she thought back to their first night -in the staff room at Fair Oaks. She had never felt more in love with him, or hornier, than that night. And tonight, she was purposely more passionate, more active and demonstrative than she had been in a while.

But, even as she lay entangled with him, she wondered: "Did images of Nicole cross his mind when he was fucking me?"

X X X (Bobby POV)

Bobby lay in the blissful aftermath. He didn't know what had gotten into Alex, but tonight- whew, she hadn't been like that in a while. Not that he ever minded. He knew the excitement often died down after a few years of marriage...and that chasing after RJ all day tired her out. 

He stroked her hair and kissed her head, inhaling the scents of her shampoo and perfume and their sex. "How could she even begin to think I'd ever want anyone but her?" he asked himself.

His fingers traveled down the curve of her neck, over her shoulder, drawing a line through the beads of sweat he'd been watching evaporate from her skin, thanks to the glow of the street light outside their room.

"God, I love her so much," he thought, and tightened his arm around her. He lay there, thinking, "Man, that was better than our first night -back in that staff bed at Fair Oaks." The memory made him chuckle.

"What's so funny?" Alex asked in a tired, dreamy voice.

"Nuth-nothing...just remembering something," Bobby whispered.

She cozied against him and he held her tighter.

"I love you Alex," he softly said into her hair. "There's never been anyone else for me, there never could be." 

Alex smiled as a content sleep overtook her. 

End Chapter 40 


	41. Chapter 41

Chapter 41

It was early in the morning on a gorgeous June day. Blue skies and sunshine abounded, 'tho the coolness of dawn lingered, leaving the air feeling clean and refreshing. Bobby walked with long, confident strides across the pedestrian-crowded street and sidewalk. No one, ever, would consider him a vein man, but as he passed by the large windows he glanced to his left and surveyed his image. He knew he always looked dashing -at his best-in his midnight blue Armani suit, with crisp white shirt. He adjusted his tie and entered the revolving door into the lobby.

He stepped into the elevator and pressed the button for floor "15." Once on the floor, he followed the sign to his right, "Rooms 1501 - 1549." Now heading in the proper direction, his pace quickened, as did his heartbeat. Then he felt himself wondering: "Am I heading in the right direction?" -not literally, but figuratively. He knew the consequences if Alex ever found out, but, still, some sordid compulsion couldn't keep him away. He knew, without question, whom his heart belonged to. But the allure, not of Nicole herself, but more her pathology or psychosis intrigued him. And even more intriguing to him now was the question of who would dare to cross her. 

He knocked lightly on the door, imagining her on the opposite side, peering through the peephole to see who it was at this early hour. He imagined her face -her smile of satisfaction; how he knew her eyes would grow bright and wide when she saw whom her visitor was.

The door slowly opened. Her eyes and smile were exactly as he had envisioned. She was wearing a red silk nightgown with spaghetti straps -far to flimsy to contain her ample bosom. It hugged every curve of her hourglass figure. 

"A devil in red-how fitting," Bobby thought to himself.

She stepped aside and extended her arm in a gesture of "come in" as she said, "I was rather hoping you'd come last night, Bobby. I waited up."

Bobby smiled and let out a soft chuckle. "Typical Nicole," he thought to himself, as he heard the door re-lock behind him.

Bobby stood at the foot of the unmade bed, holding his brown leather portfolio. He surveyed the room and Nicole as she walked towards him. Her hair was mussed from sleep and Bobby couldn't help but think how sexy she looked like this -a bit...disheveled. "This is how she must look after sex," another silent thought crept into his head.

She sat on the edge of the bed and patted the rumpled comforter with her hand, "Come, have a seat," she smile with fake coyness.

Bobby smiled and stepped towards the small table and chairs close to the window. He laid his binder on the table, pulled out a chair and sat. 

"C'mon Nicole. You know the only reason I'm here is to get to the bottom of who sent me those letters. Our expert says is wasn't you, so that means that whoever is trying to set you up and hurt my family is still out there. My family is in danger. That's the reason I'm here -the only reason." Bobby thought he sounded firm in his conviction. 

Nicole got up from the bed and walked towards Bobby. She stood dangerously close over his left shoulder and bent forward, resting a hand on the table. She leaned closer, purposely letting her breast rub against him. 

Bobby kept facing forward, knowing full well that if he turned to face her, he'd be eye-level with her deep and -he hated to admit-very sexy cleavage.

She whispered, "I think you're here because I asked you to help me. And you couldn't resist."

Bobby remained still, breathing in her scent. He recognized it immediately. "It's English Lavender soap," he thought to himself. "What my mother used to use when I was a kid." He knew that memories triggered by olfactory senses were the strongest and couldn't help but wonder if Nicole somehow knew that obscure detail about his mother.

"Stop it, Bobby!" he demanded of himself. "You're reading too much into it...it's just a coincidence."

He had been lost in the thought and hadn't realized that Nicole now occupied the seat across the table from him. She reached for the phone and smiled.

"All right, Bobby. If we're going to work instead of play, I'm going to need breakfast. I'm absolutely ravenous," she said with a wink.

Bobby nodded and began removing various papers from his binder and Nicole continued.

"I'll order for us," she said excitedly. "Eggs Benedict, scones with apricot marmalade, orange juice, fresh strawberries...and champagne! We can make mimosas!" she smiled gleefully.

"No...champagne," Bobby said.

"Ohhh, that's right. I'm sorry," she said with an exaggerated pout. "No more liquor for Detective Goren." 

"Ho-how did you...?" Bobby began to question how she knew of his quest for sobriety.

Nicole smiled. "Well, I wasn't quite truthful before when I said that I hadn't been keeping tabs on you."

Bobby looked across the table into her eyes. He wasn't sure if he was sickened or flattered by her admission.

Nicole smiled. She could read his face -his eyes-better than anyone. She knew exactly what had just run through his mind.

She grabbed the receiver and punched the extension for room service. "Yes, I'd like to place an order. Room fifteen-oh-eight. No, fifteen-oh-eight," she repeated.

By the third time, there was no hiding the annoyance in her voice.

"No, you idiot. FIFTEEN-OH-EIGHT!"

X X X

She yelled louder, "Bobby, you idiot! You forgot to set the alarm!! It's EIGHT-FIFTEEN!!

Alex jumped from the bed, grabbed her robe and went to check on RJ. She found him sitting on the living room floor watching cartoons. 

Back in the bedroom, Bobby had sat up in bed with a start, his heart pounding. "Holy shit," he mumbled, rubbing his hands over his face. He looked at the clock and groaned...now 8:16. He quickly swung his legs out of bed, grabbed the phone and dialed.

"Logan."

"It's me. I fuckin' overslept. Cover for me. I'll be there as soon as I can."

"You got it," Mike answered, happy to oblige. Bobby had done the same for him on more than one occasion.

X X X

"Got what?" the captain's voice asked from behind Mike's shoulder.

"The, uh, the ME's report on the Granger homicide," Mike lied. "Bobby swung by to pick it up on the way in this morning. He just called to say he was on his way, but he's stuck in traffic...ConEd is working somewhere..."

The captain nodded. "Good. The brass just asked me yesterday how that case was coming along." He walked away, satisfied.

Once the Captain was back in his office, Mike picked up the phone and dialed the ME's office.

"Hey, it's Logan. You just called me on the Granger report."

"Yeah, Mike. What's up?" she asked.

"Do me a favor and fax it over ASAP. Bobby and I will owe ya'," he promised.

She chuckled. "You'll have it in five minutes."

X X X (Simultaneously back at Bobby's apartment)

Satisfied that RJ was okay, Alex returned to the bedroom. She planned on giving Bobby a hand -laying out clean underclothes, etc. to help him get ready faster.

He had hung up the phone and was heading towards the bathroom for a quick shower -no time for a shave. 

They met in the doorway and she smiled up at him, inwardly laughing at his grouchy expression. She reached up for a quick good-morning kiss.

"Don't smile," he playfully scolded her. "It's all your fault."

"All MY fault?" she questioned. "The alarm's on your side of the bed!" she said, as he squeezed past her towards the bathroom. She followed behind, waiting to hear his explanation.

He turned on the shower water and grabbed his toothbrush and toothpaste. "Yes," he mumbled through his foamy-mint mouth as he vigorously brushed. "If you hadn't fucked me to death last night, I wouldn't have had such a great night's sleep and overslept."

Alex laughed and slapped his butt as he stepped into the shower. 

As he slid the glass door closed, she couldn't help but notice his huge morning erection as the water cascading down his body. "Hmm, wonder if that's just a pee hard-on or if he was dreaming about our sex marathon last night," she thought, still congratulating herself for her performance.

A lucky break for Bobby, Alex would never know the real answer.

End Chapter 41. 


	42. Chapter 42

Chapter 42

Bobby made a quiet, inconspicuous entrance into the squad room.

Mike smiled up at him, "Bad night?"

Bobby chuckled, tilting his head, "Yes...and no."

Mike smiled again. "Figured that. Alex didn't look too happy when you guys left here last night." He paused to take a sip of is coffee, then smiled at Bobby again. "But the make-up sex was worth it, huh?"

Bobby laughed and shook his head. He gave a quick glance towards the Captain's doorway. "I've gotta call the ME and get that Granger report," he whispered, grabbing for his phone.

"Already got it," Make said, flaunting the manila folder in front of Bobby's face. He smiled, "I told ya I'd cover for ya, didn't I?"

"Thanks," Bobby said, as the two delved into their work.

The morning proceeded uneventfully and by lunch, the two partners had decided to go to Solari's. It was a popular downtown spot for the lunch crowd of lawyers and Judges. Carver had taken Bobby there a few times before. Sure, it was overpriced -what in Manhattan isn't? -- But the food was excellent and, for some reason, Bobby and Mike felt like "treating" themselves.

X X X

The tuxedo-clad waiter delivered their chicken parm and veal marsala. The hungry Detectives dug in.

"So," Mike dared to venture, "Who do you think's behind it?"

Bobby knew whom Mike was talking about.

"I don't know," Bobby said with a slight shake of his head as he cut another piece of chicken. "Nicole's made a lot of enemies along the way. Could be anybody."

"Hmmm," Mike pondered. "But I figured most of her enemies ended up dead. So who's left?"

Bobby paused, trying to hide is surprise at Mike's insight.

Mike saw a pensive look come over Bobby's face.

"That's a good question, Mike," Bobby nodded. "A very good question."

X X X

The next day: Wednesday.

X X X

Alex, holding RJ on her hip, kissed Bobby good-bye as he left for work. 

"Remember, you're getting out half an hour early today. Stop by and pick me up. I'm going with you to your appointment."

Bobby sighed, "All right, see you later." He knew better than to argue.

He kissed RJ and kissed Alex again. "Don't forget to lock up -and be careful."

"I will," Alex promised.

X X X

Bobby thought as he drove to work. He really wasn't in the mood to see Dr. Silver tonight, but he knew that now there was no way out of the appointment. Yesterday he had actually been thinking about canceling the appointment -without telling Alex, of course -then using his "free" night to meet with Nicole and work on her "case." But, now that Alex was accompanying him, that plan was foiled. 

He wondered if Alex knew what he'd been thinking. "Of course she did," he muttered. "She knows me too well."

X X X

The drive to Fair Oaks was calm. Bobby purposely avoided the subject of Nicole and was relieved that Alex hadn't brought her name up, either. RJ happily sat in his car seat and played with his toys and books, easily keeping himself amused.

X X X

Dr. Silver smiled as he opened his office door and saw the three of them waiting. He shook Bobby's hand, kissed Alex's cheek and playing shook the hand of the curly-haired toddler. 

"Look at what a big boy you are!" he smiled. 

RJ smiled back.

"You were only 'this big'," the Doctor gestured with his hands, "the last time I saw you."

Silver looked at Bobby and Alex. "He's adorable."

"Thanks," the proud parents said in unison.

"You ready to get started?" Silver asked Bobby, patting his forearm.

"RJ and I are gonna go for a walk out on the patio," Alex said.

"And find bugs," RJ added excitedly.

Dr. Silver laughed and mussed the little boy's hair. "That sounds great!"

Bobby and the Doctor headed into his office, while Alex took RJ back through the lobby and out the French doors to the patio.

X X X

Alex and RJ wondered around the patio, then ventured through the gardens -the paths that she and Bobby had walked some 3+ years earlier, during his stay at Fair Oaks.

They kept walking and found themselves at the gate to the sidewalk.

"Why not?" Alex asked herself, figuring that Bobby's appointment with Dr. Silver would be at least an hour, if not more. 

Alex opened the gate, holding it open for RJ to pass through.

"Where we going, Mommy?" he asked.

"Just for a little walk, honey," she smiled. "Your Daddy took me for a walk here before you were born," she told him. "There are lots of pretty houses and pretty flowers to look at."

"And bugs?" he brown eyes widened with hope.

"Maybe," Alex laughed, wondering where his newfound fascination with bugs had come from. She took his hand and they walked.

Finally, they happened upon the old Victorian home that had been Bobby's favorite. The elderly woman was, once again, tending to her flowers -this time on her knees outside the white picket fence.

As they neared, RJ's hand broke free of Alex's and he rushed over to the woman.

"Lady! Are you diggin for bugs?" he asked, and immediately got on his knees next to her, looking at the dirt.

Alex was mortified and immediately apologized for her son's actions.

"Oh, it's all right," the woman smiled. "They're fun at this age."

The woman turned to RJ and smiled. "As a matter of fact, I've seen quite a few bugs. Do you want to try and find some?"

RJ smiled and nodded and began poking through the dirt.

"There's one!" the old woman said, as she scooped up some loose dirt. She pointed at the center of her palm. "See that?" 

RJ stared at the dirt and finally saw something wriggling. He smiled.

"It looks like a little armadillo, doesn't it?" the woman asked. "Some people call them potato bugs. When you touch them, they curl into little balls and try to hide."

RJ laughed, then his expression got serious. "Are you growing potatoes, lady?"

Alex and old woman laughed. "No, honey. I'm just growing flowers. Would you like to help me dig a hole?"

RJ nodded enthusiastically and took the small plastic spade from the woman. 

"You can dig one right here," the woman pointed. "But only dig about 'this deep'," she showed, holding her fingers about 3 inches apart.

RJ got to his work and the old woman stood and wiped her forehead. 

"Forgive me for staring, but you look so familiar. I know I've seen you before."

"You have," Alex smiled. A few years ago - I walked by here with..."

"Yes! Oh yes!" the woman exclaimed. "Now I remember. You were with that tall handsome fella -he helped clip the high vines on the trellis."

"That's right," Alex smiled.

The woman looked down at RJ. "And this is his son," she smiled. "Oh, dear -he looks just like his father! Those curls! Those eyes!"

"Yes, he sure does," Alex agreed, smiling.

"Oh, dear," the woman frowned. "You're back here," she said with regret.

"Just for an appointment -preventive maintenance," she tried to assure the old woman. "He's not staying," Alex said with a smile. Of course, she knew that she didn't owe the woman an explanation, but for some reason felt the need to put her at ease. She seemed genuinely concerned.

"Oh, that's good, dear," she smiled. 

"I'd done!" RJ exclaimed, waiting for the woman to inspect his handiwork.

"That's very good! Thank you, young man!"

As the old woman retrieved her spade, she noticed something on RJ's shirt.

"Look! A ladybug landed on you! That's good luck!"

RJ held out his shirt and watched the tiny red bug walk.

"Mommy! A bug!" RJ giggled.

"I see that," Alex said, taking a step closer. "Look... it must be a baby...only three dots."

"I'm three!" RJ exclaimed.

"You will be, on Saturday," Alex said, doing her best to hide the ominous feeling that hit her in the stomach.

"Ahh, such a sweet age," the old woman lamented.

"Well, thank you for entertaining him," Alex smiled. "It was nice seeing you again. Your house still looks beautiful."

"Thank you, dear. And be sure to say hello to Bobby for me," the old woman smiled.

Alex looked at her, perplexed.

"Remember? Robert was my husband's name - he hated being called Bobby -but I did it anyway," the woman chuckled.

X X X

Bobby, Alex and RJ arrived back home by 8:30. They had stopped for a quick bite to eat along the way.

"Here, I'll give him a bath and get him to bed," Bobby offered.

"Thanks," Alex said.

She sat on the couch and turned on the TV, although she paid no attention to it. Instead, she saw Bobby's binder on the coffee table. 

She waited until she heard the bath water running and RJ splashing. She knew Bobby wouldn't leave him alone in the tub for a split second. She reached for the leather portfolio, leafing through the pages until she found what she was looking for: the letters from Nicole -or now as they knew, someone purporting to be Nicole.

Alex studied the letters. She felt tired and shifted on the sofa, stretching out her legs. As she held one of the letters up to re-read, light filtered through, illuminating the page from the rear, from the lamp at the other end of the sofa.

Something caught her eye. She squinted. She turned a page, and saw it again -and again.

She bolted upright and grabbed for the phone and dialed.

"Yamata," answered an obviously overtired and annoyed voice.

"It's me - Eames."

Yamata's voice softened when he learned it was she. "What's up?"

"I need you to do me a favor," Alex whispered, although she didn't know why. Unlike Bobby, she had no intention of hiding this discovery or being secretive.

"Argggh," he groaned. "I'm not even supposed to be here, I got stuck pullin' a double," Yamata complained. 

"It's important, Tommy. I'll owe ya," Alex persisted with urgency.

"It's always important, Alex," Yamata answered cynically. "What am I supposed to tell the night commander when his work isn't done 'cause I'm here doing favors for EX-cops?"

"C'mon...it'll take 10 minutes," Alex pleaded. "Besides, I'm not an "Ex" anything. You can't take the detective outta' the girl," she reminded him. 

Yamata groaned again.

"Look, just say it's for Bobby if anyone asks."

"Okay, okay, what do you want?"

Alex told Yamata what to do. 

"That's right, Alex said. "Just pull that file from records and leave it on Bobby's desk...but don't leave it on top where the captain can see...hide it under something, okay?"

"Gotcha," Yamata confirmed.

"Thanks, Tommy," Alex said and quickly hung up.

She looked at the letter in her hand once more, then replaced it in Bobby's binder.

Alex relaxed back against the sofa wearing a smug smile. She was almost 100 certain of who had written those letters. Now, the only question was "Why?"

She smiled with self-satisfaction, gloating in her stroke of luck and detective abilities. 

"How could Bobby not have seen this?" she asked herself, even though she already knew the reason. She frowned, "His 'vision' always was cloudy where Nicole is concerned."

She waited impatiently for him to finish bathing and tucking in RJ for the night.

END Chapter 42

A/N: Sorry for the long delay in updating. The Holidays totally overtook every spare minute I had. One more chapter and this story will be finished! Thanks for all the reviews and thanks to those of you who have stuck with it. 


	43. Chapter 43

Conclusion

Alex sat on the couch, patiently, thumbing through a magazine without paying it much attention. As her ears were filled with the sounds of splashing and giggling from her husband and son, her mind was just as filled with thoughts about everything that had happened recently. She knew that Bobby was still a bit fragile -"vulnerable" - that's what Doctor Silver had warned her. His ego had taken a few blows lately, with his relapse into drinking, 'capturing' Nicole, only to discover her innocence and have to release her, and lastly, and most important, his status of being on 'thin ice' with Alex.

She re-thought her discovery about the letters and her phone call to Yamata and knew she'd jumped the gun. She quickly grabbed the phone and hit the "redial" button.

"Yamata."

"It's me again," Alex whispered into the phone.

"Aw, c'mon Eames...no more favors tonight."

"Shhh, I don't have time to explain. All I'm asking is that if Bobby calls you tonight, just play along and agree with whatever he says. Don't tell him I called you first, okay?"

The line was silent, as Yamata took a few seconds to absorb what Alex had said.

"All right?" Alex asked.

"Okay -whatever," Yamata sighed.

"Thanks, Tommy. Gotta go," she rushed and disconnected the call.

Alex resumed her comfy, nonchalant position on the sofa and picked up the magazine again. She heard RJ's little feet pattering down the hallway and smiled.

"I'm all clean, Mommy!" he smiled and scrambled up onto her lap.

Bobby followed close behind carrying the bath towels and RJ's dirty clothes to the hamper in their bedroom.

"Thanks, Bobby," Alex smiled.

"Daddy didn't get soap in my eyes," he said, staring into Alex's eyes and blinking his long lashes at her.

"That's good, honey. You all ready for bed?"

"Uh-huh," he nodded.

"Did Daddy help you brush your teeth?"

"Uh-huh," he nodded again and smiled wide so Alex could inspect.

"Good boy!" Alex smiled. "C'mon, Mommy and Daddy will tuck you in."

X X X

Once RJ was settled in bed, Alex put her plan into action.

She sat on sofa and, when Bobby reached for his portfolio, she moaned, "You're not gonna look at the letters again, are you?"

He rubbed the back of his neck and sighed, "There's gotta be something in them...some clue...something I'm not seeing."

He unzipped his binder and removed the letters.

"Here," Alex invited, patting her lap. "Lay your head down and get comfy - you've had a long day."

Bobby smiled, happy at the invitation. He turned and stretched his legs out down the length of the sofa and settled back into Alex's lap.

She ran her fingers through his hair and along his cheek. "How'd your appointment go?"

"Okay," he softly answered.

"Anything I should know about?" Alex asked, trying not to sound nosy-just interested.

Bobby shook his head 'no'. "Same old stuff. You know the routine."

She let it go at that, satisfied that he at least kept the appointment and was getting help from Dr. Silver for his problem.

"Mind if I put on the TV?" she asked.

"No, go ahead. I'm just gonna read these again," Bobby said.

Alex fought back her smile. She knew he was in the proper position to facilitate making the discovery that she herself had made earlier. She knew that when he held up the pages to read, he'd spot the same thing that Alex had spotted. She knew the memory it would trigger.

A fearful thought passed through her mind momentarily. "What if he doesn't see it? Could he be losing his abilities -so clouded and distracted by Nicole? She shook the thought from her head and pretended to concentrate on the TV, all the while keeping an eye on Bobby as he lifted the papers off his chest and began reading.

Less than 30 seconds had passed when she felt his body tighten; a surge of energy or excitement. He quickly turned to another page.

She watched as his eyes squinted and he raised the paper higher so the backlighting from the opposite end of the sofa could illuminate the page.

Alex was actually startled by the speed at which Bobby sprang up to a sitting position and swung his feet onto the floor.

"Eureka!" she silently thought to herself, containing her smile.

"What's the matter? You find something?" she coyly asked.

"Th-th-the writing," he stammered with the excitement of his 'discovery'. He wagged a finger at the papers. "You're not gonna believe this, if its what I think it is!"

Alex watched as he grabbed for the phone, looking on with false curiosity.

"What is it, Bobby?" She asked impatiently.

He held up a finger, gesturing 'wait a second' as his call connected.

"Yamata," he practically groaned into the receiver, having an inkling of who was calling.

"Hey, it's Goren."

"Hey, how's it goin'?"

"Tommy, I need ya to do me a favor."

X X X

Alex sat, watching Bobby. His body language and facial expressions were something she hadn't seen in a while. He was animated as he spoke-full of excitement and nervous energy; his eyes sparkled with enthusiasm.

As he hung up the phone, Alex sat forward, acting impatient. "You wanna share?" She smirked.

"I'm not sure yet, but I think I'm onto something," he nodded excitedly. "Look -here," he motioned with his index finger" as he held the paper up to the light for her to examine.

Alex pretended to be scrutinizing the pages for the first time.

Bobby kept watching for her reaction from the corner of his eye.

As if on cue, Alex dropped her jaw and widened her eyes, putting on a terrific performance for her husband's sake.

"I don't believe it," she said in a whisper.

"I'm not 100 sure, but I'll know in the morning. I had Yamata pull the old file."

X X X

They reminisced about the case they had solved together five or six years earlier, had a small snack before bedtime and turned in at around 11:30 p.m.

Alex laughed at herself as she relaxed against her pillow and pulled the sheet up; "The things I do for you," she silently thought. She eventually managed to fall asleep, unlike Bobby, whose mind raced all night, trying to make the connection between the letters, the suspect, and how it could possibly involve Nicole Wallace.

By 5:30 a.m., he couldn't stand it a moment longer. He had to get to work and see that file. Bobby got up, quietly, and padded off to the bathroom for his shave and a shower.

Alex heard the water running and correctly surmised what had happened. "Truth be told," she laughed to herself, "I'm surprised he lasted this long."

When he returned to the bedroom to dress, Alex greeted him. "G'morning," she said softly, with a smile.

"Sorry," he shrugged, apologizing. "I tried not to wake you."

"That's okay," she smiled again. "Can't wait to get there, huh?" she teased.

Bobby shook he head, 'no'.

He dressed and returned to the side of the bed to kiss Alex good-bye. "I love you," he said, giving her a quick kiss.

She kissed him back. "Call me and let me know what you find out."

X X X

Bobby and Mike were well underway with their paperwork when Yamata strode through the corridor into the bullpen. He held up a manila folder, smiling.

"Goren! You've got a match!"

Bobby smiled at Mike and anxiously took the folder from Yamata. He perused it for a few minutes, then returned his attention to his laptop, where in typed in a code number and intently read his screen.

"Thanks, Tommy," Bobby blurted as he bolted up from his chair.

Mike looked up at him curiously.

"C'mon!" Bobby exclaimed, grabbing his suit jacket.

A perplexed Mike followed him towards the elevators. "Mind if I ask where we're going?" he said snidely.

"A little road trip."

"Oh great," Mike moaned. "I'm driving."

X X X

After clearing security and checking their weapons with the guard, another guard led Mike and Bobby to a visiting room. Mike sat, while Bobby impatiently circled the table.

Finally, the door opened and the thin man, escorted by a guard, entered the room. He looked the same as Bobby remembered him, except for the streaks of silver that accented his temples.

The thin man froze in his steps. He barely glanced at Mike, but once he recognized Bobby, his eyes held their gaze.

The guard escorted the man to a chair and stood by until the prisoner seated himself.

Bobby nodded at the guard, who took his cue to leave.

"Well, James," Bobby began. "You can't tell me you're actually surprised to see me."

"I- I..." the man stuttered, but Bobby interrupted.

"James and I go back a ways," Bobby smiled towards Mike.

Bobby pulled out a chair and sat, ceremoniously unzipping his portfolio and removing the papers.

"I know you recognize these, James," Bobby said, waving the papers in his left hand.  
"I- I don't know what you're talking about," the man denied.

"Oh, c'mon," Bobby protested.

The man remained silent.

Bobby spoke to Mike, hoping to goad James into conversation. "I'll tell you, Mike," he smiled, "This man here," he continued, jabbing a finger in James' direction, "Well, he has an extraordinary talent. He's a world-class forgery artist - really."

Mike pretended to be interested, as if he were learning of James' 'talent' for the first time. In reality, Bobby had told Mike the entire story of Elizabeth and James Bennett and Brother Jerome Foundation during their long car trip out to the State Prison in Greensburg, Pennsylvania. (A medium-security prison for "white collar" criminals).

Bobby continued, "I'm surprised at you, James. You used to write such beautiful letters-- and poetry; The Deception of Nature...Hands So Pale and Perfect; you remember, don't you? I'm sure your mother would be very disappointed to see the depths you've sunk to," he snarled, slamming the threatening, sick letters down on the table in front of him with a bang.

James jumped back in his chair. He lowered his head and whispered, "Mother died two years ago."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Bobby said softly. His sympathy was genuine. "But we know you wrote them, James. You left your ---special signature on all of them. You remember, don't you? Your telltale sign." Bobby stood and began circling the table, coming to a stop over the suspect's

James shook his head negatively.

"Oh, our expert knows -I know," he emphasized. "You tried to erase the blotches -to fill in the inconsistencies in the lines," Bobby persisted with his evidence, holding the papers in front of James' face and jabbing his finger at them.

"An expert like you should've known better than to think you could fool our experts again," Bobby said as he reclaimed his chair.

"Well," he clapped his hands together and rubbed them. "Now all you have to do is tell me 'why?' Why would you be trying to implicate Nicole Wallace? Who hired you to do this?"

Bennett shifted nervously in his chair, afraid to tell, for fear of repercussion.

Mike and Bobby exchanged a knowing glance.

"You're afraid of someone," Bobby stated. It wasn't a question.

"Tell us whom you did this for. We'll make sure you're protected," Bobby pressed on.

Bennett squirmed in his chair. He leaned forward, resting his forearms on the table. "You can't protect me in here!" he hissed.

"In here?" Bobby repeated, sharing a look of interest with Mike.

"Another inmate here put you up to this? Who?" Bobby demanded.

Bennett remained silent.

"Look, James. All I have to do is go see the Warden and get a list of the inmates here. I'm sure one of the names will jump out at me, so why don'tcha just save me the time and tell me. I promise, I'll talk to the Warden and make sure you're protected."

Bennett hesitated, then leaned in closer to Mike and Bobby. His voice was barely a whisper. "The guy in the cell across from me. Crowly. Jack Crowly." He swallowed the lump in his throat.

The revelation was anti-climactic for Mike. He pushed against the edge of the table and slid his chair back. He looked at Bobby with an expression that asked "So What?"

Bobby shook his head and rubbed his face with both hands as he mumbled through them, "Crowly...Matawin."

Bobby stood and walked to the door to summon the guard.

As the guard and Bennett exited the room, Bobby put his hand on Bennett's shoulder, making them pause. "I'll keep my promise to you James. I'll talk to the Warden."

Bennett nodded and, escorted by the guard, numbly walked back to his cell.

X X X

"You wanna tell me what that was all about? Who the hell is Jack Crowly?"

Bobby reclaimed his chair and gave Mike a brief synopsis of the Matawin scandal.

Mike shook his head and laughed, "I'm afraid to know who else you've pissed off along the way."

Bobby huffed.

"Can't say I blame him," Mike continued teasing. "You made his hot little assistant dump him, he loses his love shack in the Caymans, not to mention a bazillion dollars, and he gets to spend the next thirty years in this dump, eatin' prison slop. I'd be pissed off, too."

That drew a chuckle from Bobby. He leaned back in his chair and scratched his head. "The thing is, what the hell did Jack Crowly know about my history with Nicole? Why her?"

"Maybe she is in on it," Mike suggested.

Bobby shook his head.

"Maybe he just read the papers...the whole Croyden thing..."

Bobby shot him a look.

"Oh, sorry. But, maybe he did know you'd be suspicious of her...that it would cloud your thinking if she was involved and throw suspicion off of himself 'cause you have a blind spot where she's concerned."

"That's just it. He's already locked up in here for the rest of his natural life. What would it matter? It doesn't makes sense. What would he have to gain by implicating her?"

Mike smiled as he jabbed a piece of chewing gum into his mouth. "Let's find out."

After conferring with the guard and a brief wait, the door to the visiting room once again opened.

The man froze at the sight of Bobby, then tried to recover quickly, forcing a fake smile as he stepped into the room.

"Mr. Crowly," Bobby greeted him, patting the back of their chair where he wanted him to sit.

Crowly was as cocky as Bobby remembered. He sat and laid his folded hands on the table before him.

"Well, to what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?" he asked, as his eyes nervously shifted on the letters laying on the table.

Mike rolled his eyes. "Not this routine again."

Bobby gave him a scolding look.

"I'm glad you remember me," Bobby said with a slight grin. "This is my partner, Detective Logan," he said, extending his hand in Mike's direction.

"And I know you recognize these," Bobby said sarcastically, patting his hand on the sheets of paper.

Crowly ignored Bobby's insinuation. "What happened to your old partner? I liked her better."

Mike smiled.

"Speaking of partners, your ex-fiance get out here to visit often?" Bobby replied. Touché.

Crowly fidgeted.

"Well, you look none the worse for wear," Bobby continued taunting. "You haven't lost any weight -prison cuisine must agree with you. Although those gray khaki's are a far cry from Armani."

"What do you want?" Crowly asked with annoyance.

"We want you to tell us why you had these letters forged and sent to me? How do you even know Nicole Wallace? What did you have to gain by doing this? By implicating her?

Crowly was a smart man. He knew when he'd been caught and knew it really didn't matter. He was already behind bars -what more could they do to him.

"I didn't have them written," he denied.

"Oh, here we go again," Mike groaned impatiently.

Crowly interrupted, continuing his explanation. "I merely brokered the deal," he said smugly and relaxed back against his chair.

His honesty almost shocked Bobby.

"Go on," Bobby instructed.

"Look, I didn't know anything about a...Nicole Wallace. All I know is, Bennett and I got to talking one day. He told me about -you know -how his 'talent' landed him in here.

Bobby and Mike listened intently.

"I mentioned it to someone who visited me. He seemed interested. I owed the guy a favor -or at least he thought I did, seeing as how he lost about five and half million in my company. I introduced him to Bennett. Whatever they bargained for or conspired about, I wasn't in the loop."

Bobby pulled out his pen and reached for his portfolio, preparing to write.

"This -visitor you had, who you introduced to Bennett -what's his name?"

Crowly ran his tongue over his lips, biting at his lower lip before he answered. "Haines. Gavin Haines."

Bobby looked across the table at Mike, a grin of satisfaction creeping onto is face. Finally, things were beginning to make sense.

"Who's Gavin Haines?" Mike asked.

"Nicole Wallace's ex-husband," Bobby answered flatly.

Crowly held up his hands, "You done with me?"

"Yes," Bobby nodded.

Crowly stood and walked towards the door, signaling the guard through the small window.

The guard opened the door, nodding at Bobby to confirm that he was done with the inmate.

As he stepped through the doorway, Bobby called, "Thank you, Mr. Crowly."

"Go to hell," was the reply Bobby heard as the door swung closed.

Mike smiled. "Geez, Goren. You've got friends everywhere."

Bobby smiled, stood and began gathering his pen and the papers, stuffing them back into his binder.

"We're almost done here. Let's head back to the City and pick up Mr. Haines."

"What d'ya mean, 'almost done'?" Mike asked.

"We've still gotta talk to the Warden about James Bennett."

Mike nodded and the two detectives left the room.

X X X

Bobby and Mike stopped for something to eat during the drive back. Once back on the road, Bobby phoned Alex for the dual purpose of briefly filling her in on the events of the day and to let her know that he would be home late from work; that he was with Mike (not out with Nicole or drinking) so that she wouldn't worry.

"So," Mike said as he drove, "Lemme see if I've got this straight. Nicole Wallace was married to Gavin Haines; they get divorced, Nicole finds out that Haines revealed confidential things from their divorce; Nicole got pissed off and tried to 'whack' Haines by getting her young lover, Ella, to steal his asthma medication so he'll suffocate in an elevator; in the meantime, Haines loses 5.5 million to his good buddy Crowly and his crooked Matawin company; he goes to visit him in prison to see if Crowly has any money stashed off-shore so he can recoup his losses; Crowly stiffs him on the cash, but introduces him to Bennett, the forger, so Haines can try to set up Nicole and send her to prison and at least get revenge on her for trying to have him whacked. Is that about it?" Mike smiled.

Bobby shook his finger, "Not-not just for trying to have him whacked," Bobby corrected. "For breaking his heart."

"You've gotta be kidding," Mike replied skeptically.

Bobby shrugged his shoulders and sighed, "Love...it does crazy things to people sometimes."

Mike gave Bobby a sideways glance and smiled. "You should know."

X X X

Late that night, Gavin Haines was arrested on charges of conspiracy and making terroristic threats. He immediately called his lawyer and was released on bail within a couple of hours.

X X X

Bobby and Mike parted in the garage at 1PP.

"It's been a helluva day," Mike said, shaking his head. "See you tomorrow."

"G'night Mike," Bobby called as he got into his car and headed home.

X X X

It was just past midnight when Bobby walked through the front door, to find Alex dozing on the sofa. He tiptoed over and stood above her, looking down at face. He brushed aside some errant bangs and bent to kiss her forehead.

Feeling his touch, she smiled, stretching out and yawning. She sat up and Bobby sat beside her. Alex reached out and rubbed his back.

"Rough day?"

"Long day," he sighed. "Remind me never again to spend eight hours in the car with Logan," he chuckled.

"So, it's over?" she asked.

Bobby nodded, relieved. It's over...almost." He glanced sideways at her, almost flinching.

"What do you mean, 'almost'?"

"Well, Ni-Ni-cole...she has a right to know..."

Alex felt a twinge of guilt. When the hour had grown so late, she almost began getting suspicious of Bobby's whereabouts. She wondered if Bobby had gone to her hotel to break the news in person and was relieved he hadn't.

"Mike can call her tomorrow," Alex replied with sarcasm.

Bobby cocked his head, giving her an admonishing look.

"You're not gonna sleep, are you, 'til it's all over?"

Bobby remained quiet, but his look said 'no.'

Alex handed him the phone. "Of all the things I do for you..." she said, only half teasing.

He dialed for information, since Alex had torn up the hotel's business card that Nicole had previously given him. "Sheraton Hotel and Towers, please." He pressed "1" and had the call automatically connected.

"Good evening, Sheraton. How may I direct your call?"

"Room 1508," Bobby speedily answered, forgetting that he would've been better off if he'd pretended to forget her room number. He caught Alex's glare from the corner of his eye.

"Hello?"

"Nicole. It's Bo-"

"I recognize the voice. I was wondering when you'd get around to calling."

"Knock it off Nicole. I'm home with my wife, she's right here next to me."

"How cozy for the two of you."

"I-I just wanted to call and let you know - you don't have to worry anymore."

"You found who was behind it all?" she asked, not trying to hide the excitement in her voice. Who was it?" she demanded.

Bobby hesitated. He looked at Alex and continued. "Look, it-it's not important. All that matters is that it's over. No one is out to set you up or -or destroy the life you've made for yourself. I-I just wanted you to know that."

The line was silent for a moment. On the other end of the phone, Nicole silently thought to herself, "He's protecting me. How...chivalrous."

"Well, if you're not going to tell me. It's rather late. I suppose this is good-night, then, Bobby."

"It-it is. It's good-night and good-bye, Nicole."

The line was silent, and as Bobby went to hang up, he heard her voice once again.

"Bobby!? Thank you."

He couldn't bring himself to say, "You're welcome," so he merely disconnected the call.

Alex looked at him slyly, lips pursed. "You're protecting her."

"I - I'm protecting her from herself," Bobby admitted. "You know if I had told her who was behind it all, she wouldn't be able to resist the compulsion to get even -she'd end up causing more trouble -Gavin Haines could end up dead. It's better this way."

Alex nodded and took his hand. They went to bed.

X X X

Six months later...

The family had celebrated a wonderful Christmas. Bobby, Alex and RJ arrived back home from the Eames' house, bags stuffed with gifts and their bellies still stuffed from dinner.

After getting RJ into his jimmies and tucked in, Bobby turned on the stereo and sat on the sofa next to Alex. His put his arm around her and she snuggled up to his side. They sat listening to the soft music, admiring the twinkling lights on their tree.

Alex wriggled from his embrace. "I have one more present for you," she smiled.

Bobby's brow furrowed. "You've given me more than enough. You really went overboard this year."

She got down on the floor and reached under the tree skirt, far in the back, producing a black oblong box, simply decorated with a silver bow.

"It's definitely that watch I wanted," Bobby thought to himself. He was both excited to open it and a bit angry that she'd spent so much.

She sat back down on the sofa next to him and handed him the box, her eyes equally gleaming with excitement.

He removed the bow and ribbon and carefully lifted the lid.

Alex watched his smile grow -his eyes light up.

"I hope it doesn't smell," she joked. "I peed on that thing a week ago!"

He grabbed her into a hug, still holding the plastic stick that read "pregnant."

"It's the greatest gift of all!" Bobby said, hugging her close and planting kisses all over her radiant face.

X X X

He made tender, passionate love to her that night. Afterwards, he held her in his arms. He didn't think it possible that he could love her any more than he already did, but, once again, was proven wrong.

As she snuggled against his chest, Alex, sounding proud of herself, asked, "Can you believe I kept that secret for a whole week?"

Bobby stroked her hair. "Oh, I can believe it," he answered. "You're pretty good at keeping secrets."

She pushed off him, raising herself up on one elbow. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Bobby snorted a chuckle at her indignant tone. "Well...how about the secret you've been keeping for the past six months?" he asked teasingly.

"What are you talking about?" She replied, really having no clue.

"I'm talking about the Bennett file," he said, chuckling again. "When I returned it to the records room I saw the time stamp on the sign-out sheet. It was signed out over half an hour before I called Yamata. How do you think that could be?"

Alex smiled and playfully punched at his chest. "You're a rat."

Bobby just smiled and pulled her back down to him.

"Thank you for that," he said, kissing her head.

"For what?" Alex said, playing dumb.

"I know why you did it."

They laid in silence, enjoying the comfort of their familiar embrace. Finally, Bobby spoke again.

"I don't know how -or why-you put up with me. Everything I've put you through...the drinking..."

"Shhh," Alex interrupted. "It's 'cause I love you. I always have. No matter what." She turned her head and placed a kiss over his heart.

"I thank God every day that you do. It's all I ever needed -all I'll ever need."

"Hmm-mmm," was all she replied.

"It's true, Alex," Bobby reasserted, squeezing her tighter against him. "The patience you have with me...that amount of love you have for me."

He kissed the top of her head, as she drifted off to sleep.

"It's what keeps us together."

THE END.

A/N: Thanks to all of you who read and reviewed. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it.


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